"Don't Fry Bacon Naked"

Thank you! = $1.00

  Servers know that in the "Server World" there will be days when they make money and days that they will not. They are generally OK with this fact of life. This is the ebb and flow of the universe... The way that the world turns... The Yin and Yang...

Fine; I will stop.

Click to Yang

  What is not known is the monetary value of those clever comments that guests write on the tickets and/or receipts. Yes, comments have value. Don't you think so?

  You know the type of comments which I speak of. For example: "Great job!"; "Best service ever!"; "God bless you and your family.".

   I once got a comment when I was server... "We would have left you more, but we gave that money to Jesus today.". I think that comment turned me just a bit. It was a party of ten. Diet Coke; Coke; Orange; Mellow Yellow; Unsweet Tea; Sweet Tea; Coffee with creamer; Sprite; Dr. Pepper, and a Lemonade. I will never forget the drink order. Everyone had six refills. They left me $2.00 on $120. What is that? 1.7% Nice. Now, a comment like that should have a pay-out of about $20.00 according to gf.

   Now let me diverge for a moment...  for those who have no idea how to tip. 

Let us review how to tip according to gf.

 10% = You survived. The server was a brainless troll.

 15% = The server did their job but they reminded you of, well, nothing.

 20% = You thoroughly enjoyed the experience. The server was attentive like a Maremma Sheep dog. What?!

30% = You are an idiot and you need to learn how to save your money... or you are tore-up-drunk.

  There are those of you out there who at this very moment have a confused and blank stare on your face. Let me help...

Your ticket is $15.76 and you are starting to sweat due to the math conundrum that is before you.

10% of $15.76 = move the decimal point to the left one position. You now have 10% or $1.58 if you round up. You might as well call that $1.60. Got that?

 Let's work on 15%. You already know what 10% is, therefore cut that in half and you will have 5% presto. Half of $1.60 = $0.80. Now, add $1.60 and $0.80 to reach your glorious 15%.

(mumble mumble, carry the one, mumble). Correct! $2.40! Now round that to $2.50 and get the hell out of there.

  What is that you ask? 20%? Simple!

Double the original 10% (mumble mumble, carry the one, mumble). Correct! $3.20! Now then, you should feel confident in tipping!

 If you are still clueless on how to tip, click here.

  For those slanderers out there who would set their sights on defaming this math, just remember that it is "gf math". Just like many of the great mathematicians of the past, I take ridicule (daily) for my calculations while knowing that one day I will be spoken of as a genius. One day... a long-long, long-long, long time from now. (Name that movie.)

So then, back to the comments. How will servers get paid for these comments which are scribbled on their checks? Easy-sneezy.

  The Federal Government, even though they are broker than my happy ass, is still trying to figure out who else they can give money to. Currently, the discussion is whether to give money the Veterans, the insurance industry, or to those who tote the free cell phones (the poor and destitute). I recommend none of the above. The working people who pay for everything should get the free money. This is where the comments about service come into play.

  This process will require a Herculean effort by the Feds. Tons of cash will be spent on the legislation and implementation of this idea. And why not? Money is free! Whee!

 There will be a requirement for a massive data base. This effort will employ thousands, and it will also chip away at that nasty unemployment number. I am so excited.

  Remember, this will be executed by the Federal Government, so at the end of the day it will be a huge failure. This is all that we can hope for as we want to burn through these Chinese loans ASAP. Here is the "bare bones" of how the plan will work:

• An iPhone and an Android App must be made. 
• The server must document the comment on the check (with the check number clearly printed) by taking a photo and uploading it with the App.
• The App will automatically send the document to the Federal Web site. The information will include the Server's IP address, participating restaurant, and Social Security number. The Server will willfully give permission to "Big Brother" to use the information however he chooses. Yippee.
• After being processed, the participating restaurant will be sent an email to validate the check number and the server.
• Once the comment is validated, the Server will receive payment (based on the comment's value) on their weekly payroll check. (Hey, this is more taxable income for the IRS.)
• Server performance will increase across the nation. People will be happier, and the murder rate will drop significantly.

The next item at hand is to determine the monetary value of Server compliments. Here is the short list.

• "Thanks" = $1.00
• "Great Job" = $1.50
• "You are a Wonderful Server." =$2.00
•  "Have a Blessed Day." $0.25
•  "Managers, (server name) is an Asset to your Company." = $2.50
•  Best Service in town!" = $2.75
• "Great service! We will tell all of our friends!" = $3.00
• "You were awesome! My phone number is xxx-xxxx = $0.05

  Of course there is a dark side to this comment bit. Negative comments scribbled on checks, and, of course, one cent tips. The point is that comments are worth a value wheather they are positive or negative. While dining out, what message are you communicating? Servers who guide you through the meal with ease and are attentive should be told that they are doing a good job... with your money not your clever quips. Some may indeed need some direction from you. Many servers have no clue whatsoever, and they are idiots. However, you should know that the majority are busting their butts to make ends meet. They do not need condescending prima donnas giving them hell just for sheer pleasure and entertainment. 

Here are some comments that readers have submitted on the internet:

 "The look on your face told the truth - You f**ked yourself on this one and earned it."

"You don't always get what you want"

"Don't play in traffic."

"Don't fry bacon naked."

"Don't play leap-frog with a unicorn."

  You were the best readers ever! Thanks for reading this! (= $1.15)

gf

  

"You are what you eat." ~ Poison in America

  I live in America. It is allegedly the "land of the free, and the home of the brave". However, I think America is "the land of the taxed, and the home of the poisoned". America has borders on seas that should be "shining". There should also be "amber waves of grain".

The seas only shine in the Gulf of Mexico (thanks to BP), and the amber waves of grain only appear in cereal and whole-grain bread commercials. gf

  I have already discovered that the majority of the prepared food in the grocery stores is contaminated with fake sweetener (High Fructose Corn Syrup). Why? Because it is cheaply made from corn which "big business" has figured out how to grow fast, strong, and pest free. "Big Business" accomplishes this by changing the genetic code of the corn to withstand their brand of pesticides that kill any intruding weeds that may interfere with profit. They make the modified corn seed and the pesticides then restrict/buy out all the other seeds from farmers who would interfere with their profit margin. OK, just Google Monsanto.

  Click here to learn more about the crap corn that they produce, and what they put it into. (hint: everything)

  I have also already discovered that the majority of the prepared food in the grocery stores is contaminated with fake butter (hydrogenated oil). If bugs won't eat, it neither will I. It is pure poison that sits on your waste line until your body has the energy to purge it out of your system.

  Eliminating these from my diet let me shed over fifty unwanted pounds without any spent energy (other than that from my eyes moving to read the ingredients on a label). gf

  So I figured that I was free from poison with the proof of lost weight to show the world... Negative Ghost Rider. I just had to pick up the book Wheat Belly by William Davis. After reading this book I realized that America has to be the most poisoned country in the world. Do yourself a favor and buy the book. Read the blog here. I do not think I will ever be overweight again with the information that I have learned over the past two and a half years. Some of you out there may be thinking "How does one eat wheat free?". It really is not as hard as it seems. There are a few things that one must know:

• Fast food sucks.
• Non-fast food usually sucks.
• Food one may have thought to be "horrible" for you may not be all that bad for you at the end of the day.
• Modern wheat is one of the top four poisons one can put into one's body according to gf.
• Do not be afraid of asking questions about the food being prepared when eating out.
• To be poison free sometimes requires one to be "That Guy/Girl".

Blackbeard

  Now all I have to worry about is the quality of animals that I eat (if they are full of hormones and antibiotics), if pesticide poisons are on the plants that I eat, and if the plants and animals that I eat are genetically modified or not. That is all.
  Well, other than how I need to protect myself from the government. Buy more ammo. Buy more guns. They are coming. Wake up gf Nation!

To recap:

• Americans let themselves become addicted to sugar.
• Americans get fat.
• Americans realize they need to shed some weight and start digesting fat-free "food".
• Americans get fatter.
• Americans realize that sugar adds empty calories and start digesting sugar substitute poisons.
• Americans get even fatter and start growing extra parts that can kill them.
• Americans vote in idiots and allow the idiots to modify corn and then subsidize this corn poison.
• Americans start becoming sick and obese.
• Americans vote in more idiots and allow new idiots to create a cheap sugar substitute from the aforementioned corn poison.
• Americans can now ingest more fake sweetener in the form of Big Gulps.
• Americans are now addicted to the taste of sugar and develop more foods to use it and the fake sugar.
• Americans vote in even more idiots who decide that modifying wheat is a good thing.
• Americans allow the government to lie to them, and do not force the government to label all the fake foods that they have created.
• Americans elect a supreme leader who figures out that Americans are fat and lazy and can be easily lied to and manipulated.
• Americans reelect the supreme idiot/liar, who is now slyly and slowly disarming the nation (so that they cannot fight back).

Have you had enough yet? Are you going to pay attention? If not you will perish. One way or another you will be killed off.

Maybe the world needs a good purge of idiots.

86 Sugar
86 Hydrogenated Oils
86 High Fructose Corn Syrup
86 GMO Wheat and GMO Corn
86 Dictators

That is my new 86 list.



Enjoy your dinner,
gf

Dinner's Ready ~ Douglasville, Georgia

  Allegedly, Dinner is Ready. The question is: since when? Dinner's Ready is a small joint that is cozy enough, with reasonable prices and a generous portion of potential. However, I truly hate the word potential. It just means that nothing is being done yet. "Don't tell me what you are going (could, would, might) to do, tell me what you have done."

  I want to like this home-grown restaurant, Dinner's Ready, but I just cannot make myself. There are too many carrots in this soup. (Feel free to use that line as a gift for reading this blog.)

Violation #1-a The waitress is unable to take orders. However, she is patient when waiting for patrons to write down their menu selections on the order pads/ menus that are conveniently placed on the tables. This idea of an order pad / menu may be one of a kind. I imagine that the cost of replacing stolen pens must be astronomical. The order-taking process is annoying and devilishly lazy.

Violation #2  There are too many meat choices on the menu. This country diner offers a "pick a meat and two or three vegetables" style menu. In and of itself, this is not a bad concept. With nine meats on the menu, I knew straight away that the execution of this dinner was going to be a train wreck. Twenty five minutes later dinner was finally ready. The waitress delivered the food on 1967 cafeteria-styled plates. That is understandable, however, given the budget restraints of an independent restaurant (no points deducted).

Violation #1-b  I figured out the order pad/menu deal as the food was delivered. The restaurant recycles the order pad/menus! The order pad/menu is the check! How convenient for the restaurant is that?! Genius! **

  Moving the spotted order pad out of the way, I dove right in to dinner: Apricot Chicken, collard greens, field peas, and a square of cornbread. The field peas and the collard greens were dead on the money delicious. Fresh and lightly seasoned (although I detected some sugar in the collard greens), they were the only part of the meal that I enjoyed. The Apricot Chicken consisted of minute bits of chicken which were cooked for yesterday's dinner. The blob of Apricot Jelly tossed on top of the chicken did not change the bird's luck. The cornbread (Gold Metal Cornbread mix I believe) was a failure.

  The front of the restaurant had display cases filled with cookies, pies, and cakes. My wife, being a baker, had to try out the competition. I knew the answer to this quiz already. Bingo!  Boxed cake mixes and bucket icing! Gah!  
Violation #3 Fake baking.

  The overall atmosphere is comfortable. The staff is friendly, and they are clean (sporting a 99A from the Health Department), which is fantastic news for a local country-style restaurant. I suggest some background music. May I suggest a banjo player in the corner? Right, that would be a bit too much.

On a scale of one to five meat choices, Dinner's Ready I give thee two meat choices.

Thanks for reading!

gf

** Italics indicate sarcasm.

The Bo Weevil Cafe and Sweetery, Augusta GA

  It finally happened. After much hype and chatter, my son took us to The Bo Weevil Cafe and Sweetery. I am not sure if sweetery is an actual word though. Merriam Webster seems to agree with me.

"sweetery"

"The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above."

 That is OK. I am a fan of words that are not necessarily words. The latest non-word that I have run across lately is "Swelly". Click here to view the T-Shirt I made with the word "Swelly". "Swelly" is a great non-word. Example: "The beans were a bit "swelly" after they soaked in the water for an hour." I love it.

  My son made reservations  by using Open Table. Open Table is a free service. You can use your phone or computer to reserve a table with restaurants who use the Open Table service. Click here to see the Open Table web site. I was curious about how this was going to play out. I looked over Alex's shoulder as I watched him type in the time of our reservation, and the type of table that we wanted. He chose a booth at seven thirty p.m. on a Saturday night. This was going to be my first litmus test for Open Table.


  We arrived at the Riverwalk in Augusta, and amazingly enough, found a parking spot (with a quickness). This may have also been due to the deft alley driving skills that my son possesses. My free tip, for all who decide to dine at The Bo Weevil, is to park behind the restaurant in the semi-hidden parking lot. Look for the alley as you drive up to the cafe. Dart into the alley and find ample parking. When you get out of your car I suggest that you walk with a semi-swag. People will feel your confidence and your wisdom of the restaurant scene. Flip your collar up for an extra flair.



  Before you walk in to the cafe turn your collar down and watch your step, as the entry is clumsy people unfriendly. I did not notice if they had an adequate entry for the handicapped, but I am sure that they must. (Now I am paranoid, and I will have to check on that.) We walked in and told the host our name, and then we were immediately seated in a booth. I was impressed. Saturday night during a peak hour we were seated immediately. Immediately. Seated immediately. Open Table, check it.


  We walked right by two gynormous display coolers. The coolers were filled with a myriad of humongous decorated three tiered cakes, and swirly swirled cheese cakes. They should have named The Bo Weevil "The OMG Giant Cake Company". "Forget dinner" I thought, as we sat down. The waiter actually asked us if we were going to eat dinner, or just eat dessert. Nice job. I said "Yes".


  The waiter made some smooth suggestions on the extensive wine list. We chose the "house" Cabernet and the "house" Chardonnay (Even if they did not call them "house" wines.) "House Wines" sounds better than "The Cheap wines" or "The $5.00 wines", I think. The menu is a quaint collection of salads, soups, sandwiches, steaks, and southern cuisine. Click here to see the Bo Weevil menu.  I could not resist the shrimp and grits. I also had to have a cup of seafood bisque. My wife saw the Ruben and closed her menu. Alex went for the Jambalaya. The food came out quicker than we could scarf down the Spinach and Artichoke dip (which could have used some fresh fried nacho chips instead of the store bought ones that were served). The Ruben was a mountain of beef and sauerkraut; it was more than my wife could conquer. Alex's jambalaya was spicier than he was expecting, but he did well with it. The seafood bisque was the James Brown spin move, with the twirling cape, and a "good god!". I could have stopped eating right there, and I would have been a happy man. The shrimp and grits was like my first dessert. Creamy, piping hot, full of shrimp, and topped with bits of ham. Off-the-chain.


  Our waiter asked us if we wanted to see the dessert menu, and we grunted out a meek "sure". The choices were made by exception. We chose what we did not want as much as the other, and worked backwards. This was the most painful task of the night. What not to eat is never a good decision when you are treating yourself. We ordered an Apple Blossom, a 7th Heaven Cake, and a Canary Cake. 

  I did not care about calories. I did not care about sugar. I did not care, until I ate about six bites. That is when I had an ultra-sugar overload, and my brain neurons were overloading with good-time feelings. As I sipped on my coffee and looked around at The Masters newspaper clippings on the walls, I pondered how I would score The Bo Weevil Cafe and Sweetery. I decided that I would score them with giant cake slices!


Bo Weevil Cafe and Sweetery, I give thee 4.75 giant cake slices.

http://www.glutenfreemrsd.com

Price Points:
Lunch $5 to $10
Dinner $6 to 17
Desserts $5 to $6


The Bo Weevil Cafe and Sweetery 
10 Ninth Street Augusta Georgia
706-722-7772





Thanks for reading,


gf

La Famiglia, Marietta Georgia

  My wife and I generally do not plan to do anything for each other on Valentine's day. We do not think too highly of the holiday. Maybe it is the half thought-out frantic purchasing of trivial goodies that bothers us. It seems as though the majority of couples wait for one event to show love for their significant other. I had the day off before Valentine's day, so we went on our monthly shopping spree at the Wholefoods Market in Marietta. Since it was early in the evening, we decided to eat at the Marietta Square. It is never a good idea to go to Wholefoods Market on an empty stomach. Since my wife would not be expecting anything for Valentine's day, I used it as my opportunity to be tricky. I had cleverly hidden a card and a chocolate bar as a special treat for my Valentine. Hopefully, La Famiglia Italian Restaurant would not let me down.

  My instinctive animal-like timing was impeccable as usual. We were among the first guests seated for what was to be a busy dinner service. We were greeted immediately and courteously. The tables were set with a festive red and white "Valentinish" theme. There was local artwork on the walls although it did not necessarily match the Italian decor. However, one might be a nice addition in your sun room or kitchen. A simple change of placement of the picture closest to us would have been a no-brainer. It could have covered the cracked and poorly painted electrical panel that butted into our table. Maybe I have just been "over Sunflowered" here of late. Clear, Italian-looking light bulbs were strung though the dining room. I was conflicted by the lights. I think they would have been more aesthetic if they were the only lights that were seen. The big square florescent lights with square diffusers took away from the whole Italian string light deal.

  The menu screamed 1963. One thing that put me off was the "Keep your kid in their chair, and keep them quiet." prologue as you opened the menu. It really astonished me. It was a half a page of ranting of how the owners raised their kids so that they behaved in public. Therefore, we should all follow suit, or just go away. La Famiglia you should just take that out of your menu. If you cannot bear the thought of a kid being a kid in your restaurant, just add twenty dollars to every entrée. That should do the trick. You may go broke, but you will not have to worry about kids anymore. But wait, what does "La Famiglia" mean? Oh yeah, Family. For a minute I thought it meant "Sit down and be quiet" (siediti e stai zitto). Other than that, it was a standard Italian menu. The server came and took our drink and appetizer order. He told us of the specials of the night. The first special was a fish special (I never like the sound of that), and a Squash Ravioli. I chose the Squash Ravioli, and my bride chose sauteed eggplant with sun-dried tomatoes in a red sauce with penne.

  The food was the star of the show. My ravioli dish was the three-point-at-the-buzzer money shot. Awesome. My wife said that the red sauce was spicy, but that just means that it was a good red sauce. The salad and bread that came with the meal was fresh and delicious. While enjoying the house wine, my wife was surprised by my touching Valentine and her Chai organic chocolate bar.

  We had our mouths set for dessert, especially Cannolis. The waiter brought the dessert menu. There it was, another menu challenge in front of us again. The dessert menu was old and tattered, and did not have Cannolis on it. No Cannolis. Fail. We settled for Limoncello and expresso gelatos with coffee. The desserts were excellent as was the coffee. Excellent Job. We conquered our Cannoli  cravings by purchasing the ingredients and making them the next day. Yummidge.

  Our server Yanni was attentive and pleasant, and we lacked for nothing. Overall we had a great time. The food was excellent. Hats off to the Chef and kitchen staff. 

  I will start ranking these blogs with the whole five star standard. However, I will not use stars. In this case I will use Cannolis.

 La Famiglia of Marietta Georgia I give thee four Cannolis.

gulfshorelife.com

Thanks for reading,

gf

Stacking Dishes and LSD

  Servers always struggle with stacking dishes. It seems like this is a minuscule issue in the larger picture of life in our universe.  I will argue that it is a bigger issue, and it may in fact stretch the limits of time, space and light. Life itself hinges on the efficient process of washing dishes. Our civilization would simply fall apart without dishes being washed. Even the ancient tribes deep in the rain forests wash dish(es). With those thoughts in mind I go forth everyday, seeking to inspire efficient dish washing within the restaurant.

  Perplexed by this deficiency in the servers I often wonder what exactly the obstacles are. Is it really that hard to separate the dirty dishes and place them with like size dishes? I think not. Therefore, for the past twenty odd years I have analyzed this problem looking for the answers.

  I have thought for many years that a lack of education was the reason why some servers just could not grasp the concept of efficient dish stacking. The basic training for the dish stacking job should have been acquired early in life. I believe that in kindergarten or first grade the skills of stacking like items and similar smallish organizational challenges should have been conquered.

  There are educational tools that were created by mastermind toy makers that teach this simple process. The octagonal ball toy with stars, squares, circles, rectangles, triangles, and other shapes is one.
Also, the hammer toy with square nails, circle nails, big nails, small nails, etc. helped me through this learning curve. These days there are computer toys and video games which are much harder to deal with than different sizes of dishes.

  I now have a new idea why servers have trouble with stacking dishes. They are drugged. This may sound harsh at first, but I think you will enjoy my logic.

  A normal server is a happy-go-lucky type who is light on their feet. They can balance twenty dishes in one hand, and serve hot tea with a side of lemon and honey in the other. They can remember a ten top's order without writing a single line of text. They know an entire menu with all of the toppings with prices. They know by heart the ingredients of twenty cocktails, and know how to up-sell them to a more expensive brand of liquor. They show no signs of stress, and you can never make them sweat.

So the education theory was weak. It just did not stack up...sorry. I remembered some pictures I saw in a magazine on spiders and other bugs on drugs. Here is a picture from bitescize.blogspot.com to evaluate which drug the servers may have ingested to make them ineffective dish stackers.

bitescize.blogspot.com

From these pictures I believe that we may be too harsh on the Marijuana cigarette smokers. Even the pill poppers may be O.K.. Benzedrine (amphetamine) influenced servers would stack most of the plates correctly. If the servers took the chloral hydrate they would just call out or be a no show because it is a sedative. However, I do believe I will prohibit servers from drinking coffee moving forward.

This video may shed some light on the whole business.



Thanks for reading,

gf

Ten Ways to Foul Up Valentine's Day.

There are lists about this very subject. I am sure of it. However, none of the lists are from gf. So, let's do this.

10. Fire your significant other the week before the event.

  9. Come home and say "So, what do ya want to do for dinner?".

  8. Eat like there is no tomorrow from Thanksgiving until the Super Bowl.

  7. Spend so much money on a haircut, flowers, chocolates, a card that you have to go to Golden Corral or Cici's Pizza for dinner.

  6. Go to a steak house and order your Filet Mignon Extra Well Done, no butterfly, because you think that there are actual butterflies involved in the process.

  5. Work all day.

  4. Forget the event altogether, then go purchase the left over flowers, discounted cards and chocolates the day after.

  3. Purchase your sweetheart a Pilate class or a gym membership for Valentine's Day.

  2. Take her to a dinner and a movie, but pick a guy flick/action movie like Iron Man.

  1. Take your sweetheart out to a swanky restaurant and forget your wallet so that she has to pay.

  I hope you have a great day with your sweetheart.

  Remember that it is not how much you spend, or where you spend it, but rather how much you really are into your sweetheart. Be sure to tell her you love her, like six times. Make that eight times for good measure. Space those out though. Call her at 10:00 am at work and tell her you love her to start things off well. That is what most people do.

  In my opinion that is what the problem is altogether. People wait until one day of the year to show their sweetheart that they love them. Fail. Show them every day, and then you will have no worries.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Are You an American Muggle?

 Everyone wants to be special, different, unique, and/or have super-fantastic powers like a comic book hero or Harry Potter. However, I am here to set things straight once again. You most likely are a Muggle; and you have Muggle blood running though your veins. Click here to see the American Red Cross web site on blood types:  The diagram is really cool, and it is interactive, so seriously, click the link already. Type O blood donors are NOT Muggle Blood. More Hispanics are O than any other race according to the American Red Cross. So straight away they are not Muggles.

  We Americans want to be special in a bad way. We do not want to be Muggles because we want to believe that we are important...somehow. So, we try to be special. We put spinner rims on our cars so that we can appear to be special.

And though it does make us special, it makes us special in the wrong kind of way.  We get the newest gadgets and phones as soon as we can. Our family recently got a new gadget to play games. But playing an old game on a new system? That is special.  When people go out to eat they have found a very clever way to make themselves special. The modification of food orders:
    "Yes, I would like the Santa Fe Tilapia with all the toppings on the side please." Special.
    "I want the fried chicken tenders grilled please." Special.
    "I would like the wings no sauce, no season, and with ranch instead of buffalo sauce." Special.
I will defend this type of behavior quickly, because I practice it often. Not to be special, but rather not wanting to die from poison. Muggles eat poison. Click here to read about poison:
Nevertheless, modifying food orders makes us feel special.

  Muggles do not really care what they shove in their mouths, for the most part. They have no palate. Any fast food is the most delicious thing that they have ever experienced. Grease is the saffron in their life. They muddle about not caring what is going into their bodies. Most everyone who eats McDonald's is a Muggle. It has been this way for many years. The clever and all powerful Great Wizards of the North wielded their collective powers, and made cheap and addictive foods for the Muggle born. With skilled alchemy they took corn and made it into an elixir that would control many generations. They called their new element HFCS. Be careful, or you too could be controlled by their wizardry. Click here to read about High Fructose Corn Syrup:

  That is enough about poison and chemicals for the moment. I think we should all focus on what really makes us feel special as individuals. With Valentine's Day approaching those who are single may be feeling fairly un-special. Having a partner in your life helps the situation, for the most part. Your partner's encouragement and love usually helps in the "feel special" department. If you are in a relationship that is more like a train derailment, or are not in a relationship, you are going to have to look inward for that encouragement. I propose that you make a list of ten things that make you feel special and less like a Muggle. I will give you my ten to start the ball rolling.
1. I have good hair. (My hair dresser says so, and she is a professional.)
2. I like my wittiness.
3. I am quite handy, and I can fix things, or break them so that I have to buy new things.
4. I can almost play a banjo. (Almost... for 30 years.)
5. I enjoy being taller than most people.
6. I am glad to be wearing the same size pants as I did when I was in High School.
7. I am a proud father. All my children are geniuses.
8. I am an excellent gardener until something does not grow.
9. Tanning is no problem, as I have good tan genes.
10. I speed read almost everything.
OK, now it is your turn. Seriously, you should give this a go. Write them as a comment on this blog for the world to celebrate them with you.

blogamole.tr3s.com

  Valentine's Day is a day that we celebrate so we will feel special. Personally, I do not think that we should wait for one specific day to let others know how we feel about them. Go ahead and tell them today. It will not kill you. It is a fun day; I do get that. However, I always have to work on this day. That forces me to give that chocolate covered attention to my wife on another day. I am OK with that. It actually takes the pressure off of me on Valentine's Day. You could knock out Valentine's Day on Super Bowl Sunday. I think that we have too many holidays as it is.

  When you do purchase your Valentine a card and a box of chocolates please read the label. Do not feed your sweetheart corn poison from the Great Wizards of the North. However, that would be an excellent way to poison them if love is not in the air.

Thanks for reading,
gf

You might be from Georgia if......

 

...you like BBQ ribs.

 

... you know what the Varsity is all about.

...you have a home AC unit mounted in your rear passenger window which is powered by your portable generator.

  ...you come home and watch this on the news after eating your dinner.

...within thirty minutes of recording this video you have been to the store and bought enough eggs, bread, milk, and beer to last for the next ten days.

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

gf

Restaurant Quantum Time Warp Part 2

Restaurant Quantum Time Warp Part 1, although slightly dull, has officially discussed the perception of time as it related to and individual dining in a a restaurant. This is crucial information to understanding Restaurant Quantum Time Warp (RQTW) Part 2. Yeah, I know, you hate homework, but it has to be done.

RQTW Part 2 is made of the stuff that most people really do not see, hopefully. To outsiders restaurants seem simple and straight forward enough. Cook the food, deliver it, and take our money. Close, but no cigar. Time warps should be a first year study in Culinary Schools. The cooking and cleaning is relatively easy compared to dealing with time warp issues. The entire restaurant world runs off of time warp energy.

Time warp activity has never been at a higher level than today during our current recession. Allowed time has shrunk to an all time new low. Do more with less. This is the latest RQTW that has taken place in the last two years. True, it has always been there, but it has recently been recharged and reactivated to wormhole time into a smaller space. The same amount of work must be done but within a smaller time space continuum. The friction of this faster working activity within the time space actually shrinks the time space; therefore less time is needed. The result being less monies spent on time. I call this Recession Quantum Time Warp Activity. Go fast, spend less time, spend less money.

Note that this really works better during a recession. You cannot usually generate a positive Recession Quantum Time Warp during a prosperous time. The result could be devastating if you would be so silly to try. I can hear Scotty yelling at Captain Kurk something about the Di-lithium Crystals.... . When this process is tried during a prosperous time the result is usually a negative warp energy which results in turnover (the worker quits). This most likely will not happen during a recession as there is no where else to go work. During the good times speed of activity can be achieved, but it must be stimulated through other methods, like money.

My head is starting to hurt with all of this quantumness.

Servers are the first ones to recognize Restaurant Time Warps, as they scream for the floor to be cut. When it is slow in the restaurant a server's brain is like honey in February. When there is low volume in a restaurant the servers go into slow motion. They steal food, they whine, the skip out on work, they whine, they start drama, and they whine. It is very important to schedule the employees to the needs of the volume of the restaurant's business or a fair amount of chaos will ensue.

The lower the volume of the restaurant the more negative the time space becomes. Time stretches, slows and then pretty much stops. If you have too many workers standing about time could actually go backwards. Send them all home too soon and the managers will be hearing complaints like " I cannot believe you don't have any more people working today!"  This is an old method to stimulate time into speeding up. Call "volume" in a restaurant, send everyone home, and you are sure to get business that regularly never show up. Tricky business this Restaurant Time Warp stuff is.

This is why a busy restaurant is a happy restaurant. No negative time warps exist. Time flies by and everyone's pockets are full of money. Everything is right as rain, sales are up, labor and costs are beautiful. Your boss and your accountant call you a genius. You can actually meander around smiling at your over staffed store, and for a brief fleeting moment bask in the glory of being a manager.

I think that this is all of the warping I will think of for a while. Keep your eyes open for it, and I promise it will be a while until I bring it up again. Thanks for reading.

gf

Big City Bread Cafe, Athens GA

  I got on the road about 6:30 to make the breakfast date with my daughter Ashley at 9:00 sharp. She was not pleased about the early start, but rising early is good for her I think. I plodded though the Atlanta traffic driving west on I-20 into the brake lit early dawn. It actually was a pleasant drive with very few issues. To those not from Atlanta that last sentence is a rarity. I turned left at Conyers and passed about twenty country stores, some offering "homemade biscuits", and soon passed through Monroe, and then onto Hwy 78, and then Atlanta Hwy.

   My heater, which was recently fixed by the experts at Firestone, was not working at maximum efficiency; this will require taking it back to have them fix it again. New should work better than that. This coolness would linger with me though out most of the day unfortunately. Finding a warm place to hang out was an issue all morning. The Big City Bread Cafe was not our first choice for dining as Weaver D's Delicious Fine Foods Automatic For The People was unfortunately closed. Yeah, I don't know what the hell is up with that name either, but we will just have to find out that information later. My feet were now at the lowest temperature all morning; I needed coffee ASAP.

  Ashley had an excellent Plan B. I was amazed that a Plan B could be as good as a Plan A, but euphoria soon dimmed as her lack of specific directions about the locations of these restaurants enveloped the breakfast event. Thank goodness for Google Latitude. Love you Ashley, mean it. She redeemed herself from Plan A by directing me (generally) to the Big City Bread Cafe. Parking was almost an issue but we squeezed in behind another SUV, and I pretended not to see the faded stripped lines that seemed to call out "No Parking Here". That was going to be my defense for a obvious parking violation, and I was going to stick with it.

  This was an odd red bricked square building with multiple doors and a cool ramp thing toward the back of the building. I felt as though there were secret doors leading into a mysterious inner realm of food production. When we were leaving, a nice smiling lady disappeared into one of these doors that was covered with hand cut out arrows, that was draped with burlap, and looked real artsy. She smiled at us with a "I know something you don't know" smile as she scuttled into the back of the building. We walked onto the patio that had Rosemary bushes surrounding odd birch looking trees that had Christmas lights on them. Nice patio furniture was placed throughout the patio. As we passed by yet another door which had "use other door" sign on it we saw the chalk boards.

  Chalk boards are an important sign of goodness. I think that if there are chalk boards being used in a restaurant or cafe everything is right as rain. I really did not read the chalk board, but that is besides the point. Chalk boards mean fresh food, usually. Sometimes it means food that is about to go out of date, but it mostly means that whoever is in charge is involved with the food and menu on a daily basis. It also means that someone is really good at writing on a chalk board, which is an art.

We entered, and I smelled the coffee. I was instantly happier. Somewhat distracted by the blue and white Christmas tree ornaments hanging from the ceiling, I smiled as I looked over this cafe. This was not somewhere where I had been before, and it did not remind me of anywhere I had been before. What a great feeling of originality, well, more or less. There was a red espresso machine which was nice as I don't really think I have seen such a bright red espresso machine before. The young lady that was running the counter was not annoyed by my overall annoying personality. She was very nice answering and smiling to all my questions. There was a helper running food who reminded me of a kind elf. Not the Santa type but rather the Lord of the Rings type. She was also smiling and obviously enjoying her job.

Being located in Athens GA there were the poster things posted everywhere under the counter. This is a standard operating procedure here. If you eat in Athens or in any college town and to not see these poster things, leave immediately. We were greeted by two nasty calorie filled display cases. I was going into a sugar high already. Cakes, cookies, and chocolate covered mice, and coconut polar bear cup cakes. We grabbed up a menu and started looking for breakfast. We both ordered french toast which was going to be allegedly dredged in a batter and grilled. Then we went about drooling over the goodies in the display cases. I bought a mouse and took him to our table which was marked with a tall skinny chrome marker with a number 7 attached to the top.

We settled into a booth and started enjoying our hot beverages. I glanced at the thermostat; it was set at a disappointing 65 degrees. Still trying to get warm I sipped my coffee and took great pleasure in the black painted heat and air ducts (not so much heat, mostly air), and the black burlap squares dotting the ceiling to reduce the noise echo in this old building. Simple light fixtures and simple tables made this dining room actually pleasurable. I ate my mouse.

Soon our breakfast arrived delivered by the Elvin Princess. We were both shocked at the French Toast as it did not seem as dredged as the description. I was pleased that it looked so simple. It came with two ounces of Maple syrup which was portioned out into a souffle cup. Decorated with one lone strawberry this was a perfect breakfast. The bread was cut on a long bias, and stacked on top of each other, with a slight dusting of powdered sugar. Not too sweet, not over sugared. That in and of it self was amazing to me. There are a lot  places that muck up French Toast. These folks have it figured out. Even though it was a bit pricey ($7), I did not care one iota.

Well, I was nosy and snapped a few pictures of my neighbors breakfast when it was delivered. They were quite pleased that I took a picture of their eggs and biscuits. It looked delicious as well. I did think about asking for a bite, but I restrained myself. On the way out I had to purchase another mouse, a mini cheese cake, and a coconut Polar Bear for my wife. The mouse was the best.






You should check out this place when in Athens.  gf

Restaurant Quantum Time Warp Part 1

I have an inchoate comprehension on restaurant time which I would like to share with you today. Very similar to the discussion of dimensions, that took place at our dinner table at home not too long ago, I have found that there are specific things that can influence your time in a restaurant, no matter if you are a patron or an employee. Please visit www.tenthdimension.com to glean all the pertinent information on time travel and such.



OK that may have just given you a headache, but it is somewhat important for our discussion. Back to the Restaurant Quantum Time Warp.

  As a guest in a restaurant, cafe', or a pub, you have undoubtedly experienced these time warps, even though you may have been unaware of the"quantumness" of it all. (Use the Q words gf, it confuses them and makes them dizzy.) What causes these time warps? Glad you asked.

Here are a few things that make a Restaurant Time Warp warp longer that come to mind:
1. No one opening the door or greeting you when you first walk in.
2. No immediate greet at the table, the longer the greet, the longer the warp.
3. Drink service taking more than three minutes.
4. Appetizer or salad service taking more than six minutes.
5. Lack of service in general; refills, removing dishes, bread service, and a warm smile not present.
6. Server or kitchen error that drags the entree from arriving promptly.
7. Improper or slow check/change service.
8. Annoyances. (babies over babying, drinkers over drinking, managers over managing, farters over farting, etc.)
 


Think of your time in the restaurant as a circle; the left side of the circle being the beginning, and the right side of the circle being the end.



 


Positive activity within the circle bombards the molecules inside the circle, which in turn bombard each other, and like unto a tea kettle on the stove expels excess time which has adhered  to the molecules. This creates a vacuum in your time experience shrinking the space from the beginning and the end.

 

When this takes place you may speak comments like "Wow, where did the time go? We had a great time tonight! I cannot believe it is so late!..blah blah blah". You have come out of the positive Restaurant Quantum Time Warp with out really knowing the "quantumness" of it all.


However, the reverse is true as well. Negative activity, like our list above, makes the Restaurant Time Warp expand expeditiously. Negative experiences within your time circle adhere to your time molecules with a coldness, slowing them down, and adding layer upon layer until your time circle expands like bad spandex on an inenarrable over-eater at a bad buffet.

So there you have it, Part One of Restaurant Quantum Time Warp. Be sure to recognize this when it happens and share with the others. If you start to experience a negative Restaurant Quantum Time Warp either try to pull your waiter out of the warp (this can be tricky), or involve the other staff and mangers into the warp (this usually fixes any warp issues; that is unless there is an overall staff warp going on, which will be addressed in Restaurant Quantum Time Warps part 2)

**footnote
I really just wanted to use the word quantum to get your attention, as I have a very limited understanding of most anything starting with a "Q". I avoid "Q" words when at all possible, along with most "X" words and occasionally "W" words. Not over using them just makes my life move in a smoother manner. This shyness of these odd consonants most likely stems from getting punished by them when they landed on a Triple Word Score in Scrabble.

Thanks for reading.

gf

Colonel Poole's BBQ

North of Atlanta up I-575, if you are patient you will spot Col Poole's BBQ on the right in East Ellijay GA. You will most likely drive past it as you stare, no, gawk at the mass quantities of pigs on the "pig hill of fame". Be smart, turn around and check it out. This place is either the result of a marketing genius, or someone with way too much time on their hands. This is a pretty cheesy looking place, but that is what makes for the best BBQ joints sometimes, and as I found out this was no exception to the rule. I would give this a number ten on the cheesy wheel rating. Here is a view of the place as I walked in.




Yeah, pigs everywhere. The menu is the average Southern BBQ menu with "Pork Plates" and "Chicken Plates' and such (they were out of chicken however). They had T Shirts for sale, political pictures everywhere (did not see many Democrats or Independents), and an electric piano. I like BBQ huts like this because there are no rules. No corporate, political correctness at all, no, toss all of that out. Free speech reigns supreme here. You don't like it, then leave. I love that. This is what America needs more of, people making what they want to make, how they want to make it, and not really caring so much about whether or not you do not like it, and having a "not getting mad if you do not want to spend your money here" attitude. Don't like pigs stuck everywhere? Don't care. Don't like political conservatives? Don't care. Don't like Gospel music? Don't care.
 However, on the other side of that same coin, this is what the draw is, so deep down they do care, but not so much that they are going to change and pipe the latest hip hop music through the speakers. Everyone who worked here was attentive, polite, and relatively speedy. The "dining room lady" was delivering food using the "look for who is not eating" method of service. She was fairly efficient paying attention who had been sat latest so she did not have to hunt and peck too much. "87?? who has ticket 87??" chimed through the busy dining room occasionally, but the place way running smoothly for a Sunday afternoon.
 There was a large ice machine labeled "do not open" in the side room, and a table set up with plastic forks, straws, and extra napkins and lemons. Everyone I watched had a smile on their face save the German ladies sitting opposite us in the next room. I was not sure what they thought. I was going to ask, but for once I saved them the embarrassment of a gf conversation, having to answer silly questions in broken English. But that would have been funny.
I ordered a Pork Plate that came with two sides; I chose slaw and green beans. Green beans, poor choice; put them back into the can whence they came. The slaw as well as the BBQ I believe, was inspired by our good folks from North Carolina; no mayonnaise in the slaw, rather vinegar based, both were quite good. The BBQ had a slight smokiness, but I felt that it could have been smoked  a smidgen better. Smokiness is a tricky deal; too much can derail any BBQ. Some folks think that smoke is a food group; not. The Col. needs to toss another log in the smoker, but other than that this was good eats. I ate the bbq with out sauce, save the glob that they plopped down on top of the pork, which was quite good to my surprise. It had a tomato base and a slight sweetness, no doubt provided by molasses or sugar, but it was tasty. The sauce on the table was sweet enough to put me into a diabetic coma. No bueno; 86 the table sauce Colonel. Overall I enjoyed my visit; this is a great place. Take the family on a weekend visit. Buy a pig.
Visit the Colonel at www.poolsbarbq.com/

Thanks for reading.



gf