Sportsman's Barbecue ~ Clark's Hill SC

  I really hate giving bad reviews, no... really. I am searching for epic barbecue in the Deep South. When I think that I have found a joint that has a chance to be great, I feel like a character in The da Vinci Code who is on the cusp of finding the last great clue. I was ready to unlock the great barbecue clue in Clark's Hill S.C..

 Slightly off the beaten trail, and north of North Augusta S.C., Sportsman's Barbecue had several things that attracted gf to it's doors.

~ off the beaten path

~ next to a gas station of a similar name

~ the smell of smoke

~ high ranking on Urbanspoon 85+%

I was primed and ready to unravel the Sportsman's Barbecue mystery.

  This is a simple place. It smelled of smoking barbecue. What could really go wrong? Well, let's see; shall we?

1. I ordered a beer. The waitress hollered back to the kitchen "you can go ahead and give me that Mich Ultra again." She soon came by the table explaining that they were out of the beer that I had ordered. (I figure the beer had been mistakenly opened and then polished off by the cook.) Mind you that there is a convenience store right next door. I bet they had cold beer.

2. I ordered a "loaded potato" with pulled pork and topped with cheese. Why in Zeus' name would they serve me a two day old potato?! Baked potatoes have a piping hot white flakey center. This was a cold waxy brown potato. A cold waxy light brown potato would be a day old potato. This potato was brown like dark brown sugar... And don't even try to tell me that it was smoked, or I will dot you in your eye. Pathetic is what this potato was.

3. I ordered Hash over rice. I grew up on this Southern delicacy as a young'n. The first ten pounds of overweightness (do not Google that last word) was due to hash, rice, and white bread. Therefore, here is my first cooking tip for Sportsman's Barbecue: Do not butter the rice; Hash is not to be dry; and since the Hash is not dry, serve it with white bread so one can sop up the juice.

4. My esteemed BBQ sandwich expert at large (my son Alex) struggled with his chopped (to death) BBQ sandwich. Dry and un-entertaining was his report.

5. We had side dishes. The cole slaw was edible and actually pleasant, however the corn on the cob was from another dimension. Maybe it was sucked into a wormhole and dropped on the plate as the waitress exited the kitchen while delivering our food. It was dry, old, and disgusting.

  So there you have it. Old food from two days ago reheated and sold to gf. They are open Thursday through Sunday. I ate on a Saturday. Thank goodness! Just think what the food is like on a Sunday!

  Sportsman's Barbecue here is another  food tip from accordingtogf: Cook less, more often.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Manuel's Bread Cafe ~ North Augusta, S.C.

  North Augusta has some weirdness.

  First of all, they should just change the name of the town. Geographically, I prefer "Mostly-North Augusta", "South Edgefield", or "East Aiken". Georgia should get commission from South Carolina for using part of Augusta's name. Create a "name tax"; that is the ticket. North Augusta tried out several names in the past, but none of them stuck. Savannah Town was named by the English. Again, another name borrowed from Georgia. Campbell Town failed miserably, probably due John Hammond's murder, not to mention greed. The construction of Augusta Canal, and the expansion of the railroad over the Savannah River to Augusta Georgia, derailed the town of Hamburg. The current "Great Recession" is (as in the past) an excellent opportunity to rename the city of North Augusta. I humbly suggest "New Hamburg" or "Campburg".

  Secondly, North Augusta has a newly fabricated "fake town". Yes, a new town existing within a town, which uses a borrowed name. I do not make this stuff up people. Hammond's Ferry is a community that looks like an old town. On every corner, (there are only two or three corners currently) there are buildings for businesses, some which are two and three stories tall. This gives the intersections an "old town" look. It also gives the community the fortune of landing restaurants such as Manuel's Bread Cafe, which sits smack dab in the middle of the aforementioned  "fake town" of Hammond's Ferry.

Créme Brulée French Toast – 7.95
Served with fruit salad and maple syrup.

  As odd as this new community may look during the beginning of its existence (by being built-up in an open and empty plot of land), I believe it is going to be exceptionally likeable "fake town" when finished. The price-point alone will keep out any wandering Gypsies (who may be visiting North Augusta from Murphy Village) from settling here. I mean; I did not happen to spot any Gypsies during my visit to North Augusta. One must always be on the look out for Gypsies.

Omelet – 9.95
Build your own farm-raised 3-egg omelet.

 Worrying not about Irish Travelers, we settled down to enjoy a pleasant brunch at Manuel's Bread Cafe. The spring weather enticed us to utilize the outdoor tables. Sitting outside we started to analyze this "fake town". We were more hungry than analytical, so we got down to business and ordered brunch.
  Hoping to special-order a spinach dish, I discovered that the community has "Blue Clay Farm" that provides local produce for the restaurant. The server offered to ask the Chef if he would be so kind to pick some spinach out of the garden for my request. I am still trying to figure out if he was pulling my leg or not.

Goat Cheese Scramble – 8.95
Scrambled eggs with fresh local goat cheese and chives on a slice of delicious artisan bread with your choice of fruit salad or smoked bacon home fries.

The food was excellent. It is expensive compared to a regular breakfast, but brunch at Manuel's Bread Cafe is not what I would consider a "regular" breakfast. This is a Hobbit breakfast. Food  is served with heavy silverware, fancy plates, and excellent coffee served in large handmade mugs. Loaves of bread, stacked everywhere, decorate the place with their crunchy looking crusts. Honey and jams hang out in the window frames, which color the interior with an amber hue. The chalkboards above the counter were being wiped down and rewritten for the day's specials. One does not get to enjoy these nuances at a Waffle House.



Someone ordered cake. I am sure that is a violation of some significance. However, it was technically brunch, and we were treating ourselves...NO!! Cake at brunch will not be tolerated moving forward (but it is delicious cake)!

Go check out Manuel's Bread Cafe. You will not be disappointed, but watch out for the Gypsies.

Thanks for reading,
gf