Douglasville Diner ~ Douglasville, GA

  We did not expecting anything too spectacular as we went to breakfast at the Douglasville Diner. I am not sure why we felt this way, but maybe it was the lingering unpleasant taste in our mouths from the previous inhabitants of the building.

Douglasville Diner has a vast menu with everything from breakfast food, Italian, Greek, American, Seafood, Salads, Appetizers, Wraps, Melts, and a Paul Bunyan(ish) dessert menu.  Large menus can be problematic. The execution of the menu by the kitchen staff is only half of the potential trouble. The second half is the service staff knowing said vast menu. However, I will regress and speak of that at another time.

 Open from 7:am until 12:00 Midnight is a grueling schedule to keep. I hope that they can pull it off in the long run. Douglasville has needed another decent breakfast spot for quite some time now. Do not under estimate the impact of pancakes on a culture. If run correctly, Douglasville Diner could potentially change Douglasville into a new center for higher learning. Who knows? If the omelets and hash browns are perfect day-in and day-out, Douglasvillites may invent a car that runs on smog. Lord knows they need that gadget soon living this close to Atlanta.

Lemon Mousse Cake

Yes, we ordered cakes at breakfast...again. I do not know why. What, it looked delicious OK?!

We ate cake only after devastating a "Douglasville Platter" (pancakes, sausage, bacon, and eggs) and an omelet stuffed full of spinach, Feta Cheese, and mushrooms. The hash browns were spectacularly and elegantly straightforward (that is a compliment). The pancakes were light with a hint (and a strong nod) of vanilla. A discussion of whether the pancakes originated from a mix or not ensued after a few sloppy bites. I stand by my "from a mix but modified" theory. My partner (who possibly has the best taste buds known to man) says that the pancakes are from scratch. She also smelled them. Her sniffing the pancakes gave her an unfair advantage (because she has the nose of a Bloodhound). Trust me on that one.

  Eating cake at breakfast requires extra cups of coffee. The coffee, by the way, was better than average. There is always time for additional coffee according to gf.

  Let's review the qualifications of a diner:

• Open early, check. 
• Open late, check. 
• Must serve breakfast, check. 
• Must brew great coffee and "coffee food" (e.g. cake), check. 
• Must serve hamburgers and kid food, check. 
• Must offer something different (e.g. Italian/Greek fare), check.

Tiramisu  Cake

Alpine Bakery in Atlanta is the source of all of this cake madness. I finished several bites of cake and boxed it up for the varmints at home, as I do not need to eat sugar. I admit that this breakfast was not the healthiest that I have had in recent history. However, I refused to smear the hydrogenated-butter-spread all over my pancakes, neither did I pour the high fructose corn syrup on them. Questions about the ingredients of the sausage, pancakes, and the dessert cakes were never asked. It is an American diner. I expect to be poisoned.

  Give Douglasville Diner a moment or two to settle in and get over their opening pains. I am sure that they will be fine as long as they deliver what they promise.


Update: Douglasville Diner is Closed.
Click here for details. gf

Thanks for reading,

gf

Lemon Mousse Cake

Tiramisu Cake

Cake Display

Outside dining / smoking section

Fox Brothers BBQ ~ Atlanta, Georgia

Here are The Top Ten Quotes about Fox Brothers BBQ that amuse gf:

• "Atlanta foodies were rabid for the stuff and I quickly found out why." ~ Blissful Glutton

• "Alas, I am weak and the siren call of Fox Brothers Bar BQ was too much for me." ~ Adventurous Taste 

• "At its best, the restaurant will do you right. On an off day, you’ll still get out of there feeling alright." ~ FoodieBudda.com

• "Good barbecue is worth a bit of a drive, even in lousy weather." ~ Food Near Snellville

• "The best barbecue I’ve ever had was at my uncle’s." ~ Chow Down Atlanta

• "Most BBQ places are trying to mimic each other, but Fox Bros really cooks to the beat of its own smoker..." ~ The Food Abides

• "In the case of Fox Bros, where there is hype, there is smoke." ~ TheFoodList.org

• "Thankfully there’s a distinct smokiness to the air once you near Fox Brothers, and the sight of a number of smoker chimneys pouring out hickory smoke is always a welcome view." ~ The Cynical Cook  

• "BBQ is my passion, and Fox Brothers is my sanctuary." ~ The Steriotypist

• "I guess it’s time to start slapping momma’s around here." ~ Tastebud Smack

  Differing opinions about barbecue make it a unique food in the South. I have had the fortune of living in various places, in the Deep South, during my brief sojourn on this planet, and each region has its own take on BBQ. North Carolina has spectacular BBQ that has a quaint bit of sweetness and vinegar. South Carolina favors rice topped with "hash" and yellow mustard BBQ sauce (yum). Tennessee loves sugary and smokey "Q". Alabama and Florida enjoy slicing the stuff up and pouring a runny tangy sauce over the whole mess. Mississippi goes for a zesty semi-sweet goodness that has become a gf favorite. Texas offers up dry rubs and slow cooking, and they know how to barbecue beef. Georgians love to overcook most anything (which is not necessarily a terrible thing), and barbecue is no exception. I am not a giant fan of most Georgia barbecue. Most of the sauces in Georgia are runny and more spicy than flavored. I know, but I also have an opinion. It is OK...really.

Click here to peruse  more about the Deep South.

  So far I speak mostly of the sauces that go with the barbecue rather than the cooking process of the barbecue. This is the issue that is messing with most  reviewer's frontal lobes in regards to Fox Brothers BBQ. One could slather most any style sauce on their BBQ, and it would be a winner because they know how to cook barbecue properly.

  Some concerns have arisen about Fox Brothers being inconsistent. Get over it. That is the problem with Americans; they want everything "cookie-cutter" style. For an uber-consistent BBQ meal, eat at  a fast-food restaurant, that serves fake ribs on a hoagie bun. I am sure that those sandwiches are consistent...(wait for it)... but horrible. However, if you want to live on the edge and eat some spectacular, original, messy, some-what-inconsistent-on-occasion, delicious eats go to Fox Brothers BBQ.

Smoked wings

  Fox Brothers smoke stacks tell the tale completely. Their meats are cooked low and slow (in some expensive equipment) and tended to by a team that cares about the quality of food that they prepare. The brisket was tender and smoked well. The ribs were delicious and fell off the bone. The chopped barbecue, although dry without sauce, leaves the eater to decide how much sauce is needed for their own preferences. The wings were absolutely inspirational. Fox Brothers showed off the smoke rings on the prepared meats with pride. However, 86 the fried ribs (they were not on the menu). Hopefully the fried ribs were just a test of the BBQ Emergency Broadcast System. "This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. The broadcasters of your area in voluntary cooperation with the Federal, State and local authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency. If this had been an actual emergency, (like putting fried ribs on the menu) the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news or instructions. This station (According to gf) serves the (Deep South) area. This concludes this test of the Emergency Broadcast System."

"This is only a test."

  Barbeque is sacred in the South, so I guess that makes Fox Brothers BBQ a church that is full of swaying, foot stomping,  hand waving people singing its praises.

86 old condiment holders, please.

Great job, and thanks for cooking sumptuous barbecue in Georgia.

Fox Brothers View "The Wall"

Thanks for reading,
gf

DiChicko's Peri-Peri Cafe ~ Augusta, Georgia

  Jill, Alex, Katelyn, and I arrived at DiChickO's Peri-Peri Cafe with cautious anticipation, having never dined there before. Upon entering, we found ourselves in a health store stocked with every conceivable health pill and potion known to man. As we made our way through the small jungle of plants and herbs that were for sale in the entry way, I secretly picked out a Rosemary sprig that I intended to bring home.  To the left there were three rows of grocery items. Items such as  whole-grain breads, nuts, flax, and crazy uber-healthy-looking seed and herbs (that look like marijuana and such), packed into nifty plastic boxes with clicky-click lids. You know the type lids I speak of, so do not mouth "clicky-click" silently.

  We meandered to the back of the store and stood by the "CLOSED" sign and read the store hours with our heads slightly cocked to the left. The sign said: "Saturday 11:00-3:00". We looked at our watches. (Actually, we looked at cell phones.) Then we looked at each other, cocked our heads, and blinked several times, the way George Bush Jr. used to do at press conferences. We finally stepped up to the young lady at the register and asked if they were still serving lunch. She graciously apologized for the sign faux pas and gave us a menu to explore.

   DiChickO's has an easy to read menu with sandwiches, soups, salads, "flaps", quesadillas, and smoothies. On the back side of the menu, there is a chart that has nutritional information. This nutritional page was the first gold star that I awarded DiChicO's. I am not "in the know" of this cafe's affairs, but after speaking to some regular patrons, I found out that they are in the process of moving the kitchen (most likely due to Master's week ending). This may explain the overall clumsiness of the cafe's appearance and execution of order taking.
We found a comfortable table with slightly wiggly chairs after placing our orders and gathering our drinks.

  Settling down, we chatted about DiChickO's signature Peri-Peri sauces which were prominently on display. The Extra Hot is premier. This is a terrific sauce. It has heat with tons of flavor. If you go to DiChickO's and do not see anything on the menu that you might like, just buy the sauce and leave. I ended up slathering it all over the Mahi Mahi Panini sandwich that I ordered. It made this epic sandwich "Peri-Peri-epic" (golf applause). The flavors offered are Garlic, Lemon Pepper, Mild, Medium, Hot, and Extra Hot. Just get the Extra Hot and be done with it. You can order these sauces on line by going to www.dichickos.com.

  The food delivery was quick enough, although we were distracted by the tea remaking process. Hold times on sweetened tea should be a discussion at the next manager's meeting. "We made it fresh this morning" was a team member's try at an apology. That let me know that The Boy had swallowed four-and-a-half-hour-old-room-temperature sweet tea (give or take thirty minutes). Yuck-O. The guacamole dip served with blue corn chips also helped us through the tea dilemma. Freshly made with avocados, diced tomatoes, and red onions, it was a rock star appetizer. The new batch of tea delivered with our lunch made everything right as rain. The Mahi-Mahi Melt was spectacular. It is marked on the menu (with an umbrella tag) as having fewer than 400 calories. I figure that I lowered that to 300 calories by dipping it in the Extra Hot Peri-Peri sauce as aforementioned.

  We thoroughly enjoyed our lunches while we chatted about the uniqueness of the cafe. This is a fairly random dining environment. The cafe is squashed into the back of New Life Natural Foods. Cushy couches are strategically placed in the cafe for reading books and enjoying beverages the way that the cast of "Friends" used to do. There where books labeled "Not for sale, but you may read them" on specially marked bookshelves. The right of the market is a bookstore nook which also sported its own cushy couch. The left of the market was organic produce, breads, and the "clicky click" boxes. This is where Alex spotted "Bible Bread". I am not real sure about this bread yet. I will have to investigate and report the findings. Overall, DiChickO's is a perfect spot to pick up a healthy lunch. Go to www.newlifeaugusta.com to check out the market's information.

On a scale of one to five hot sauce flavors, DiChickO's Peri-Peri Cafe, I give thee four hot sauce flavors!

Thanks for reading,

gf

Fogo de Chao Churrascaria ~ Atlanta, Georgia

  I fortunately reached a historic day, as I turned the ripened age of fifty.  I sound like a rotting piece of fruit, but this called for a celebration. My wife was perplexed over where we should celebrate until she started a search on Urbanspoon. She chose Fogo de Chao Churrascaria after reading several reviews. She hit a home run. We had a fantastic time and an excellent dinner. However, as usual, there is a story.


  While relaxing before dinner, I had done some research about Brazilian food. Many of my friends are world travelers. So naturally, I asked my Brazilian friend Judy about what to expect at a Brazilian restaurant. She jumped for joy (if you can do that on line) as I was about to dine at her favorite restaurant. She explained to me what foods would be available. She instructed me to ask for "maminha na manteiga" for dinner and "Mousse de Maracuja" for dessert.


  Judy seems like a sweet woman and has never been hostile to me. However, after translating maminha na mantegia, I wondered if this would be her version of a birthday prank. She had instructed me to ask for "titty butter" from the Gauchos. I was not sure if I would be able ask for this special cut of meat without getting slapped. After much ado, Judy assured me that "titty butter" was a literal translation. She also assured me that in no way was it meant to be a comment that would fall into that "grey area". Yeah, right. "Please pass the titty butter."


  We booked an early reservation on Saturday night. From the suburbs, with Braves baseball traffic jamming I-75/I-85, it only took forty five minutes to arrive at Fogo de Chao's free valet parking service. The bar swarmed with activity upon our arrival. Ladies wearing summer blouses with matching purses and four inch sandals garnished the bar the way that limes decorate a Brazilian cocktail. The entry had an energy of anticipation.  The mingling of the hosts and guests at the bar pleasantly distracted us upon entering. While the hostess seated us immediately, I noticed no Southern slang, such as Ya'll, honey, sugar, or any other derivative of Sir or Ma'am in her language. What a pleasure (although I enjoy a decent "sugar pie" every now and again.)! On the way to the table, the expansive and never-ending wine racks mesmerized me.


  Servers dodged the Gaucho dudes wearing funny-looking boots, and wide black belts, toting hot skewers of cooked protein. Every worker scurried about in organized chaos. Amazingly the staff did not run into each other, the way mindless Atlantians do while driving in the rain on I-285. The hostess guided us to a comfortable white tablecloth two-top. The dimmed room gave out a cozy vibe. The server immediately came to the table and told us the routine. A blizzard of information attacked our frontal lobes. The quad-fold brochure-looking menu was even more dizzying than the waiter's interpretation of the same. Therefore, I put the "menu" down and ordered some Brazilian red wine. I figured out relatively quickly that this was a fancy-dance-all-you-can-eat. (I am sure someone will school me one day on the proper use of hyphens.) Where is Nell?


  Part of the routine is the red and green disks placed on the tables. Yes, green equals go, and red equals stop. The Gaucho dudes will not stop coming, until one flips the disk to red. Remember, I gave fair warning. The server gave us the green light to go to the salad bar. Now, take "THAT" image of a salad bar out of your mind. It was more like a salad hill than a salad bar. I did veer away from the giant marinated beans, but I found the choices unique and fresh. I especially enjoyed the Heart of Palm and the Tabouli salad. As I started to stock my plate, I heard "Don't fill up on the salad and pastas." It was Judy whispering in my ear.


  Shuddering hearing her voice in my head, I stopped filling my plate and settled down to enjoy my salad. Soon thereafter, my wife and I looked at the red disks, then looked at each other. This continued for several moments until we took the plunge and flipped the disks to green. A whirlwind of boots, belts, and skewered meat encircled the table. The Gauchos quickly delivered Sirloin, chicken, lamb, sausage, Ribeye, and Filet until stopped with the red disk. Every cut was excellent. 


  Then I just had to ask for it. I had long forgotten how to ask in Portuguese for the cut of meat that Judy had described as the best. I decided to cut to the chase, and I asked the waiter for "the meat that translates to 'titty butter' in Portuguese". He let us know that although it is a remarkable cut of sirloin, they were not serving the Tri-tip sirloin at this time. Rats.


  We did enjoy the Flan and the Passion Fruit desserts. The entire experience was delightful. I recommend Fogo de Chao for any special occasion.

On a scale of one to five meat skewers, Fogo de Chao Churrascaria, I give thee five meat skewers.

Thanks for reading!
gf

The Bargainers

 There is a growing collection of "entrepreneurs" in the dining world these days. I hereby will call them "The Bargainers".

 I am not sure where they all came from, or why they came, but they are possibly here to stay. Bargainers have dug in, and entrenched themselves into society during these last most unfortunate years of recession. These are a variety of diners that believe that restaurant managers and owners have unlimited resources to promote whatever, whenever. Somehow, we flat out owe them.

 Church groups and schools (looking for donations for a raffle, golf tournament, booster club, etc.) are the benign Bargainers. Some call them "beggars". There is at least a chance of a return on investment with those type donations. Unfortunately, managers are often, not in a position to hand out prizes and donations for everyone's financial crisis "bake sale".

 The true purebred Bargainer is a piece of work. In their mind, they are doing the establishment an extraordinary favor. They just want a discount for waking up in the morning. We recently had booked a party of thirty on a Friday night at seven thirty. Which, for your information, is when the entire planet wants to eat dinner. I felt that we had already given this group dedicated service, by providing a separate and private dining room, during a peak hour, while we were on a wait. This assessment was incorrect. The leader of the pack presented herself to the floor manager. She proceeded to tell him that she thought that we should not charge her group for their teas. She felt that since she was an "event planner", and since she had brought us her party's business, we should make this discount (about seventy five dollars worth of sales). My floor manager let her know that he was not in a position to approve such a concession. She huffed out a "Let me speak to YOUR boss." I reckon that was her error #44-3a (asking for the boss).

 "His boss" arrived and greeted the guest with a smile and a handshake. She delivered the same story, and she received the same answer. She then spewed her same response. "I need your corporate number then." OK, thanks, and come again... Bargainer. 
 How do these people conclude that managers can randomly discount meals with no errors on the restaurant's part? If one goes into Wal Mart and takes their entire bowling team, do they expect to get a discount? When taking your entire family to the dentist, is the result a discount? A pre-negotiated discount is one thing (still annoying), but at least there can be a pleasant discussion about what can or cannot be done. Trying to intimidate a floor manager with the whole "I will call your boss" routine just ticks me off.

 The wait staff certainly does not like the bargainers as a general rule. "Bargainer" and "generous tipper" usually are not found in the same paragraph or chapter. Waiting on these groups is a challenging task (especially if you want a fair tip). I will go ahead and put it out there. Serving a bargainer group is twice as difficult as a non-bargainer group. If the manager gave in to the "let me speak to your boss" routine, the server is their next course.

 Now let's not get carried away and start calling couponers bargainers. Hell, those who are not couponing these days are not cool, or even smart. The only concern I have is couponers discounting the service that they receive from the service staff. This of course brings to light the whole nasty subject of tipping. I will save that for another day. Please, when using a coupon, be sympathetic to the server. The good one's are hard to find, and harder to keep.


  Click here to view a clever gratuity chart.


Thanks for reading, 


gf

La Famiglia, Marietta Georgia

  My wife and I generally do not plan to do anything for each other on Valentine's day. We do not think too highly of the holiday. Maybe it is the half thought-out frantic purchasing of trivial goodies that bothers us. It seems as though the majority of couples wait for one event to show love for their significant other. I had the day off before Valentine's day, so we went on our monthly shopping spree at the Wholefoods Market in Marietta. Since it was early in the evening, we decided to eat at the Marietta Square. It is never a good idea to go to Wholefoods Market on an empty stomach. Since my wife would not be expecting anything for Valentine's day, I used it as my opportunity to be tricky. I had cleverly hidden a card and a chocolate bar as a special treat for my Valentine. Hopefully, La Famiglia Italian Restaurant would not let me down.

  My instinctive animal-like timing was impeccable as usual. We were among the first guests seated for what was to be a busy dinner service. We were greeted immediately and courteously. The tables were set with a festive red and white "Valentinish" theme. There was local artwork on the walls although it did not necessarily match the Italian decor. However, one might be a nice addition in your sun room or kitchen. A simple change of placement of the picture closest to us would have been a no-brainer. It could have covered the cracked and poorly painted electrical panel that butted into our table. Maybe I have just been "over Sunflowered" here of late. Clear, Italian-looking light bulbs were strung though the dining room. I was conflicted by the lights. I think they would have been more aesthetic if they were the only lights that were seen. The big square florescent lights with square diffusers took away from the whole Italian string light deal.

  The menu screamed 1963. One thing that put me off was the "Keep your kid in their chair, and keep them quiet." prologue as you opened the menu. It really astonished me. It was a half a page of ranting of how the owners raised their kids so that they behaved in public. Therefore, we should all follow suit, or just go away. La Famiglia you should just take that out of your menu. If you cannot bear the thought of a kid being a kid in your restaurant, just add twenty dollars to every entrée. That should do the trick. You may go broke, but you will not have to worry about kids anymore. But wait, what does "La Famiglia" mean? Oh yeah, Family. For a minute I thought it meant "Sit down and be quiet" (siediti e stai zitto). Other than that, it was a standard Italian menu. The server came and took our drink and appetizer order. He told us of the specials of the night. The first special was a fish special (I never like the sound of that), and a Squash Ravioli. I chose the Squash Ravioli, and my bride chose sauteed eggplant with sun-dried tomatoes in a red sauce with penne.

  The food was the star of the show. My ravioli dish was the three-point-at-the-buzzer money shot. Awesome. My wife said that the red sauce was spicy, but that just means that it was a good red sauce. The salad and bread that came with the meal was fresh and delicious. While enjoying the house wine, my wife was surprised by my touching Valentine and her Chai organic chocolate bar.

  We had our mouths set for dessert, especially Cannolis. The waiter brought the dessert menu. There it was, another menu challenge in front of us again. The dessert menu was old and tattered, and did not have Cannolis on it. No Cannolis. Fail. We settled for Limoncello and expresso gelatos with coffee. The desserts were excellent as was the coffee. Excellent Job. We conquered our Cannoli  cravings by purchasing the ingredients and making them the next day. Yummidge.

  Our server Yanni was attentive and pleasant, and we lacked for nothing. Overall we had a great time. The food was excellent. Hats off to the Chef and kitchen staff. 

  I will start ranking these blogs with the whole five star standard. However, I will not use stars. In this case I will use Cannolis.

 La Famiglia of Marietta Georgia I give thee four Cannolis.

gulfshorelife.com

Thanks for reading,

gf

Stacking Dishes and LSD

  Servers always struggle with stacking dishes. It seems like this is a minuscule issue in the larger picture of life in our universe.  I will argue that it is a bigger issue, and it may in fact stretch the limits of time, space and light. Life itself hinges on the efficient process of washing dishes. Our civilization would simply fall apart without dishes being washed. Even the ancient tribes deep in the rain forests wash dish(es). With those thoughts in mind I go forth everyday, seeking to inspire efficient dish washing within the restaurant.

  Perplexed by this deficiency in the servers I often wonder what exactly the obstacles are. Is it really that hard to separate the dirty dishes and place them with like size dishes? I think not. Therefore, for the past twenty odd years I have analyzed this problem looking for the answers.

  I have thought for many years that a lack of education was the reason why some servers just could not grasp the concept of efficient dish stacking. The basic training for the dish stacking job should have been acquired early in life. I believe that in kindergarten or first grade the skills of stacking like items and similar smallish organizational challenges should have been conquered.

  There are educational tools that were created by mastermind toy makers that teach this simple process. The octagonal ball toy with stars, squares, circles, rectangles, triangles, and other shapes is one.
Also, the hammer toy with square nails, circle nails, big nails, small nails, etc. helped me through this learning curve. These days there are computer toys and video games which are much harder to deal with than different sizes of dishes.

  I now have a new idea why servers have trouble with stacking dishes. They are drugged. This may sound harsh at first, but I think you will enjoy my logic.

  A normal server is a happy-go-lucky type who is light on their feet. They can balance twenty dishes in one hand, and serve hot tea with a side of lemon and honey in the other. They can remember a ten top's order without writing a single line of text. They know an entire menu with all of the toppings with prices. They know by heart the ingredients of twenty cocktails, and know how to up-sell them to a more expensive brand of liquor. They show no signs of stress, and you can never make them sweat.

So the education theory was weak. It just did not stack up...sorry. I remembered some pictures I saw in a magazine on spiders and other bugs on drugs. Here is a picture from bitescize.blogspot.com to evaluate which drug the servers may have ingested to make them ineffective dish stackers.

bitescize.blogspot.com

From these pictures I believe that we may be too harsh on the Marijuana cigarette smokers. Even the pill poppers may be O.K.. Benzedrine (amphetamine) influenced servers would stack most of the plates correctly. If the servers took the chloral hydrate they would just call out or be a no show because it is a sedative. However, I do believe I will prohibit servers from drinking coffee moving forward.

This video may shed some light on the whole business.



Thanks for reading,

gf

Ten Ways to Foul Up Valentine's Day.

There are lists about this very subject. I am sure of it. However, none of the lists are from gf. So, let's do this.

10. Fire your significant other the week before the event.

  9. Come home and say "So, what do ya want to do for dinner?".

  8. Eat like there is no tomorrow from Thanksgiving until the Super Bowl.

  7. Spend so much money on a haircut, flowers, chocolates, a card that you have to go to Golden Corral or Cici's Pizza for dinner.

  6. Go to a steak house and order your Filet Mignon Extra Well Done, no butterfly, because you think that there are actual butterflies involved in the process.

  5. Work all day.

  4. Forget the event altogether, then go purchase the left over flowers, discounted cards and chocolates the day after.

  3. Purchase your sweetheart a Pilate class or a gym membership for Valentine's Day.

  2. Take her to a dinner and a movie, but pick a guy flick/action movie like Iron Man.

  1. Take your sweetheart out to a swanky restaurant and forget your wallet so that she has to pay.

  I hope you have a great day with your sweetheart.

  Remember that it is not how much you spend, or where you spend it, but rather how much you really are into your sweetheart. Be sure to tell her you love her, like six times. Make that eight times for good measure. Space those out though. Call her at 10:00 am at work and tell her you love her to start things off well. That is what most people do.

  In my opinion that is what the problem is altogether. People wait until one day of the year to show their sweetheart that they love them. Fail. Show them every day, and then you will have no worries.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Are You an American Muggle?

 Everyone wants to be special, different, unique, and/or have super-fantastic powers like a comic book hero or Harry Potter. However, I am here to set things straight once again. You most likely are a Muggle; and you have Muggle blood running though your veins. Click here to see the American Red Cross web site on blood types:  The diagram is really cool, and it is interactive, so seriously, click the link already. Type O blood donors are NOT Muggle Blood. More Hispanics are O than any other race according to the American Red Cross. So straight away they are not Muggles.

  We Americans want to be special in a bad way. We do not want to be Muggles because we want to believe that we are important...somehow. So, we try to be special. We put spinner rims on our cars so that we can appear to be special.

And though it does make us special, it makes us special in the wrong kind of way.  We get the newest gadgets and phones as soon as we can. Our family recently got a new gadget to play games. But playing an old game on a new system? That is special.  When people go out to eat they have found a very clever way to make themselves special. The modification of food orders:
    "Yes, I would like the Santa Fe Tilapia with all the toppings on the side please." Special.
    "I want the fried chicken tenders grilled please." Special.
    "I would like the wings no sauce, no season, and with ranch instead of buffalo sauce." Special.
I will defend this type of behavior quickly, because I practice it often. Not to be special, but rather not wanting to die from poison. Muggles eat poison. Click here to read about poison:
Nevertheless, modifying food orders makes us feel special.

  Muggles do not really care what they shove in their mouths, for the most part. They have no palate. Any fast food is the most delicious thing that they have ever experienced. Grease is the saffron in their life. They muddle about not caring what is going into their bodies. Most everyone who eats McDonald's is a Muggle. It has been this way for many years. The clever and all powerful Great Wizards of the North wielded their collective powers, and made cheap and addictive foods for the Muggle born. With skilled alchemy they took corn and made it into an elixir that would control many generations. They called their new element HFCS. Be careful, or you too could be controlled by their wizardry. Click here to read about High Fructose Corn Syrup:

  That is enough about poison and chemicals for the moment. I think we should all focus on what really makes us feel special as individuals. With Valentine's Day approaching those who are single may be feeling fairly un-special. Having a partner in your life helps the situation, for the most part. Your partner's encouragement and love usually helps in the "feel special" department. If you are in a relationship that is more like a train derailment, or are not in a relationship, you are going to have to look inward for that encouragement. I propose that you make a list of ten things that make you feel special and less like a Muggle. I will give you my ten to start the ball rolling.
1. I have good hair. (My hair dresser says so, and she is a professional.)
2. I like my wittiness.
3. I am quite handy, and I can fix things, or break them so that I have to buy new things.
4. I can almost play a banjo. (Almost... for 30 years.)
5. I enjoy being taller than most people.
6. I am glad to be wearing the same size pants as I did when I was in High School.
7. I am a proud father. All my children are geniuses.
8. I am an excellent gardener until something does not grow.
9. Tanning is no problem, as I have good tan genes.
10. I speed read almost everything.
OK, now it is your turn. Seriously, you should give this a go. Write them as a comment on this blog for the world to celebrate them with you.

blogamole.tr3s.com

  Valentine's Day is a day that we celebrate so we will feel special. Personally, I do not think that we should wait for one specific day to let others know how we feel about them. Go ahead and tell them today. It will not kill you. It is a fun day; I do get that. However, I always have to work on this day. That forces me to give that chocolate covered attention to my wife on another day. I am OK with that. It actually takes the pressure off of me on Valentine's Day. You could knock out Valentine's Day on Super Bowl Sunday. I think that we have too many holidays as it is.

  When you do purchase your Valentine a card and a box of chocolates please read the label. Do not feed your sweetheart corn poison from the Great Wizards of the North. However, that would be an excellent way to poison them if love is not in the air.

Thanks for reading,
gf

"You're an Idiot."

 Straight out of the gate this is a controversial subject. No one likes to be called an idiot, other than an idiot, or an idiot pretending to be an idiot for personal gain. There are public idiots, and then there are private family idiots. Pretty much every family I have known has an idiot, or a poor soul who has been called idiotic on occasion. My small amount of research has shown that most families have several idiot stories. Matter of fact, the number of idiot stories that I have collected from just my family and friends this month alone has been  staggering. I am sure that I have been called an idiot on occasion; and if you are honest with yourself, deep within your heart of hearts you have an idiot story also. Clear your soul, bring your idiot burden to accordingtogf and be free.

  There are people in public that do not realize that, even if but for a brief moment, they are idiots. They may be a product of our woolgathering society, poor schooling, or their battered brain simply cannot process anymore information due to the brainwashing and bewilderment caused by the internet and video games. Their brain may also be a pool of wasted gray matter from the excessive use of hobby drugs, booze, and or Willie Nelson cigarettes. They just do not have the ability to pay attention.

Server: Yes, and how would you like your steak cooked ma'am?
Guest:  Not Well Done, I like just a little bit of pink in my steak.
Server: How about Medium Well ma'am? Just a thin line of pink OK?   
Guest:  Is that between Medium and Well Done?
Server: Yes ma'am it is.
Guest: Medium Well then, with just a thin line of pink.
Server: (After steak has been delivered) How is your steak ma'am?
Guest: Terrible. It has a thin line of pink in it.
Server: Would you like that cooked up to Well Done ma'am?
Guest: No, I do not like my steak Well Done.
Server: Well done has no pink in it ma'am.
Guest: That is how I would like my steak No Pink.
Server: We will cook that up for you ma'am to No Pink.
...and "You're an idiot.

There are unemployed idiots:
You answered the third question on the last page of the application which is:
Can you perform the essential functions required by the job for which you are applying, without reasonable accommodations?     Yes or No
You circled NO, and "You're an idiot."

There are employed idiots:
"Sir, we can't allow that in the building. Even the police don't ride them in here."
My Friend Ben, who has lived with his disability for twenty years, rode his Segway to the library and got turned away. He stated that the "librarian lady probably did not make the rule, so I decided not to argue with her." 
People who make idiotic rules... "They are idiots,"


There are transportation idiots.
 There is plenty of documentation about idiots on motorcycles. Here are just a few examples:

There are plenty of tattooed idiots:

"I know mom, but I was drunk."

Jail tattoo?

There are no explanations.

He has that "What have I done?" look.

Seriously, you are an idiot.

Nothing is better than a real cool tattoo. Some of these folks have the M.J. syndrome no doubt; they just do not know when to stop. When in doubt with a tattoo, don't.


There are family idiots, and family idiot stories (which will make up an entire blog of it's own and possibly named "You are acting like an idiot."). There has to be a clear distinction between being an idiot and doing something idiotic. Next of kin can never be called an idiot by you and your family unless there is a quorum of seven family members; and three of them have to be cousins, aunts or uncles. With permission, here is an example of a family member, or three, acting idiotic:
A young son number two not being able to read, phones the working parent to ask which can is tuna and which can is cat food, in an effort not to make tuna salad incorrectly. The working parent tells the child to ask the sleeping parent to show him which one is the tuna, and then to make the sandwich. Working parent returns home and finds the empty cat food can in the trash, and the unopened tuna can on the counter. The working parent asks the child what he had for lunch, and he responds "tuna". The Working parent shouts "Oh God!" and then "It's OK, really!" Child cries out "Did I eat the wrong tuna?" "Dad lied to me!" "Am I going to die?!!" The child did not eat tuna for over five years after finding out his and the sleeping parent's error.
I am not sure if it is OK to call a child an idiot because they cannot read yet, or a parent because they worked the graveyard shift and  reads cross eyed when asked to do so when woken out of a deep sleep, but it was a nice segue into this video:

Jessica Simpson is the ultimate reality TV idiot. I am not sure whether she is faking it or not; that in and of itself makes her a Hall of Fame Idiot.

There are plenty of public and entertaining idiots:
Many entertainers have played the idiot, and have done it so very well that we only see them as idiots.

Old School Idiots

Jerry Lewis

Bill had a way with words; he spoke of idiots; I think, as did the following:

New School Idiots

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. William Shakespeare

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain
 

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin

I'm not afraid to look like an idiot. Anthony Bourdain 

I've had great success being a total idiot. Jerry Lewis       
 
And of course, there is a song by Radiohead that had the word Idiot in the title. I am not sure if it is relevant to this blog, but I liked the name, and the song sounds cool too. One of the lead singers really gets into the moment and for a second he looks like an idiot, but I think that may just be artsy stuff that I just have not figured out yet. Idiots plus discotheque equals "Idioteque"?? @brandonpk's suggestion actually.

Then there is the American Idiot. I think the world may think of me as an American Idiot, writing about American Idiots. The more I think about it the more they should think of me as an idiot scribing about idiots. Maybe if I wrote about something more substantial that will change the world somehow; yes, then I would not be an idiot. Whatever, I think that making people aware of idiots is just as important as any other world saving fodder. Watch out for idiots; they are everywhere, and they are taking over the world.

 

Thanks for reading.
gf