Randy's Rib Shack ~ Waldo FL

  I have never done this before, but I think it is necessary that I post a consumer advisory before I write this blog post. Yes, the type that one would find at the bottom of a menu warning diners about undercooked beef and shellfish. This is similar.

CONSUMER ADVISORY: This restaurant may not serve the type of food you were looking to consume. The name of the restaurant does not match its cuisine.

 If you take the time to drive on a highway other than a Interstate Highway you will find barbecue huts. Well, one would at least hope to find a barbecue hut. Especially if it is lunch time. Highway 301 is a normal, old, four-lane highway that evidently used to be "the road". It is an odd road accompanied by railroad tracts and abandoned motels.  Plenty of farms, fruit stands, old souvenir shacks, mobile homes, and businesses can be seen while driving this American thoroughfare. I must also add that a high percentage of the businesses along this route are using a building that was originally designed for some other purpose. It is an odd collection of re-purposed buildings. Go ahead and think of any type of business; there is a good chance of that type of business occupying an old gas station on route 301.

  Driving through Waldo Florida (no, not that Waldo... Well, it possibly could be, but I could not find him) I spotted what I thought was a barbecue hut. Little did I know how wrong I was. As I pulled in, I gazed in awe at an enormous trailer with a clever mural on the side. Two giant home-made smokers that were inside said trailer were gently wisping out white smoke. I was encouraged. Upon seeing the commercial portable smoker at the back of the shack I was even more encouraged. I should have savored that moment longer.

 After waiting at the counter, clearing my throat, calling out "hello", and watching two employees walk in and out from the back, I was finally greeted. During this wait I was able to watch a Golden Corral advertisement about a chocolate fountain, which made my mind go to another place... maybe we can visit that place together at another time... When the normal programming came back on, the show was about forensics. There was a "dead body farm" that the investigators were being walked through. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Click here to check that out. I got to view several bodies in different phases of decomposition. That was very interesting right before lunch.

 Besides watching TV while waiting, I had enough time to review the menu. I did so in amazement. Randy's Rib Shack has ribs on this colossal menu twice. They have a rib dinner and a rib dinner for two. That is it. [insert a significant pause for full effect] However, for a rib shack they have a titanic amount of seafood on the menu. They have Shrimp; Tilapia; Salmon; Oysters; Snow Crab Legs; Grouper; Frog Legs; New Zealand Green Lip Mussles; Scallops; Catfish; Pollock; Mahi Mahi; Clam Strips; Jumbo Shrimp; Crawfish; and Gator Tail. The Swordfish decorative tin above the door should have tipped me off. But wait, they did not have Swordfish.

  Randy's menu is a train wreck. On top of this Mount Pisgah of seafood there is 15 appetizers,18 sandwiches, and 20 dinners. Also, smack-dab in the middle of this menu is the statement "WINGS, OUR BEST SELLER". My head is still swimming.

  I was lucky to have so much time to peruse the menu. Maybe this is why they did not bother to greet me immediately.   I ordered a chopped barbecue  sandwich with Cole slaw and potato salad. The order-taker asked me which of four sauces I wanted to go with my meal. I picked the spicy mustard. They had spicy mustard, regular mustard, spicy tomato and regular tomato sauces. The sauce tasting ended up being the highlight of my meal.

  I had a choice of Texas Toast or a bun for the sandwich. I asked the attendant which one she recommended. Her suggestion of the bun sounded genuine so I went with it. The bun looked great but it was just too much for the sandwich. The bun overtook the unimpressive five ounces of meagerly-smoked chopped pork.

  The Cole slaw was straight off the truck. It was more like a Cole slaw soup. The potato salad was edible, but I suspect it too came pre-made and was delivered on the same truck. I was disappointed.

  So let me sort this rib shack out. It is not a rib shack. It is not a barbecue joint. It looks like one, but it is not. A rib shack would have rib baskets, half slabs of ribs, full slabs of ribs, rib tips, pork ribs, beef ribs, rib salad, rib stew, rib sandwiches, rib wraps, rib beans, steak and ribs, chicken and ribs, and maybe even a rib Quesadilla. A barbecue joint does not need twenty types of frozen fish. It does not need to have 15 appetizers nor 18 random sandwiches. It just requires great barbecue. What I truly do not comprehend is why a quaint shack would  not make their own sides. Randy's has an opportunity to be unique, but instead they choose to be the same. Trying to please everyone out of a shack is... well...  idiotic. Oh, and rib shacks do not have Pastrami sandwiches according to gf.

  The attendant mentioned that they had been there for five months. She also offered up that they were slow because they were in a bad location. She could not have been any farther from the truth about why they were slow. This is a perfect place for a barbecue shack. It was by the railroad tracks and almost under an overpass. What more could one ask for? More signs, that is what one could ask for. I recommend posting little signs along the road every so often upon approaching the shack... just like the old Burma Shave signs...that would do the trick. Click here if you do not know what Burma Shave is. 

Slow Down

Not So Fast

Barbecue is Here

Lunch At last!!!

Randy's Rib Shack

One could also ask for an attentive staff. If an attentive staff is too much to ask for then maybe a bell at the counter like at Empty Arms Hotel. I always got a chuckle when Roy Clark would jump up from behind the Empty Arms Hotel counter. If you were born after 1990 go buy the box set of Hee Haw. The show was fashioned after Rowen and Martin's Laugh-In. ...Nothing? Right.

 It was a slap-stick comedy show during the 60's and 70's. Google it when you run out of other things to Google.

  On a positive note the murals on the walls in the "dining area" were pretty cool

as were the Cypress counter tops.

  Randy's Rib Shack needs to figure out what they are going to be. What they are is very curious, very bland, and very slow.

  86 the TV.

Thanks for reading,

gf

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Dropped Ice Cream Cones

  What in the hell is wrong with America?

  Wait, let me answer my own question. 

Many Americans are idiots, or sloths, and many have become those who do not wish to be held accountable for their own actions. It would appear that there is a growing number who think they are entitled. How in the world could anyone, from a nation of immigrants, ever possibly feel entitled is beyond gf. 

  If I was fortunate enough as a child to acquire an ice cream cone from the local ice cream truck vendor (and I was, as I wore "husky" size clothes for many years), I knew it was very important to shove the treat in my mouth with a quickness, so as not to drop it on the ground. If I were to drop my treat on the ground I knew it was "game over" - No discussion, no re-do, no more ice cream. Done. (My wife still wonders why, on occasion, I eat things that I have errantly dropped on the floor.) Hey, three second rule... and she is an excellent house keeper. There are no nocuous germs on her kitchen floor.

  This idea of "no new ice cream cones if you drop it" mentality has been infected by video games. Yep, children playing video games are responsible for this change in thinking, however, not totally, as the game creators have a responsibility to bear. Someone desperately needs to hold these chaos creators accountable. I know that the game creators have given back to society as well. Most children now know how to kill Zombies and fly hovercraft.

When one plays Chess, Tic-Tac-Toe, Checkers, Risk, or Monopoly there are no do-overs. One may luck up on a  "get out of jail card", a lucky roll of the dice, or a player who is not paying attention, but that is about it. In video games there is very little accountability, as one can save the game along the way, and therefore, one does not have to completely start over. Yep, the good old do-over.

  The do-over has become an American epidemic. We now do-over everything and anything. Thinking is not an action that is needed... because one can just do-over.  Not happy with your spouse? Do-over. Failed 8th Grade again? Do-over. Wait, no, scratch that... "No one left behind"... what was I thinking? 

  Do-over disease may be why many folks have issues with umpires. Umpires are in charge of do-overs. Hey, some folks do not like God. They don't think he is going to hand out many do-overs on the judgement day. 

 I think a do-over is needed from time to time depending on the circumstance. However, some things just do not need to be done over. Ever. Like Disco. However, this idea that a kid can demand a new ice cream just because they are a klutz is idiotic. Why should the ice cream vendor have to incur this extra cost of goods?

  This poison goes even deeper though. The "I don't like this flavor of ice cream so I am entitled to get another flavor for free" crap is like a plague in our society. Some freaking four year olds are telling their servers "I don't like these chicken tenders, so I want something else". Seriously? Eat your damn chicken tenders already. Your delicate palate knows Kool-Aid and hot dogs. Shut it. Zip it.

  What happens when little Johnny grows

up? Anarchy. Everyone turns into a Gordon Ramsay of Casual Dining. Just great. I can't wait. Just for fun let's pause for a moment and imagine some of those comments.

                         Pausing.....

Well, the best one I thought of was:

  "This (microwaved) crab leg dinner just does not taste as fresh as it normally does".

  It is annoying to make a do-over when a child has dropped their food, but what the hell, make them a new one.

  Why?

 The kid will cry and the mother or father will be completely unsuccessful at consoling the child. The parents will then start to boil into a frenzy if the establishment does nothing. 

  The restaurant has to create a welfare fund for such occurrences. Yes, a secret welfare fund. It is also called a "price increase". 

  So what is the point of this ramble? 

•Take care of children or they will become suicide bombers.

•Do-overs are not so bad. Maybe you will need one soon. I know I do occasionally.

•Bitching raises prices in the end.

•Not being able to say "No" is what ruins civilization.

  So then, "What in the hell is wrong with America?" We just have lost the ability to say "no". This is why our great country is in the shit. Yea, I said it... In the shit. Our great leaders just cannot say no to the whining public because they are scared of not being popular (re-elected to their cushy spot). The leader's uniforms are spotless and pressed. They have not been in the game. Their inability to say no is how we have racked up trillions of dollars in debt and devalued the Dollar. Not being able to say no has pushed the entire world economy into the shit. Hey, everyone wants to be successful like the Americans. Yeah right... whatever.

  Give everyone a new ice cone. Never say no. This is how one ruins a country.

 See you at the soup kitchen.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Max Headroom for president.