Randy's Rib Shack ~ Waldo FL

  I have never done this before, but I think it is necessary that I post a consumer advisory before I write this blog post. Yes, the type that one would find at the bottom of a menu warning diners about undercooked beef and shellfish. This is similar.

CONSUMER ADVISORY: This restaurant may not serve the type of food you were looking to consume. The name of the restaurant does not match its cuisine.

 If you take the time to drive on a highway other than a Interstate Highway you will find barbecue huts. Well, one would at least hope to find a barbecue hut. Especially if it is lunch time. Highway 301 is a normal, old, four-lane highway that evidently used to be "the road". It is an odd road accompanied by railroad tracts and abandoned motels.  Plenty of farms, fruit stands, old souvenir shacks, mobile homes, and businesses can be seen while driving this American thoroughfare. I must also add that a high percentage of the businesses along this route are using a building that was originally designed for some other purpose. It is an odd collection of re-purposed buildings. Go ahead and think of any type of business; there is a good chance of that type of business occupying an old gas station on route 301.

  Driving through Waldo Florida (no, not that Waldo... Well, it possibly could be, but I could not find him) I spotted what I thought was a barbecue hut. Little did I know how wrong I was. As I pulled in, I gazed in awe at an enormous trailer with a clever mural on the side. Two giant home-made smokers that were inside said trailer were gently wisping out white smoke. I was encouraged. Upon seeing the commercial portable smoker at the back of the shack I was even more encouraged. I should have savored that moment longer.

 After waiting at the counter, clearing my throat, calling out "hello", and watching two employees walk in and out from the back, I was finally greeted. During this wait I was able to watch a Golden Corral advertisement about a chocolate fountain, which made my mind go to another place... maybe we can visit that place together at another time... When the normal programming came back on, the show was about forensics. There was a "dead body farm" that the investigators were being walked through. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Click here to check that out. I got to view several bodies in different phases of decomposition. That was very interesting right before lunch.

 Besides watching TV while waiting, I had enough time to review the menu. I did so in amazement. Randy's Rib Shack has ribs on this colossal menu twice. They have a rib dinner and a rib dinner for two. That is it. [insert a significant pause for full effect] However, for a rib shack they have a titanic amount of seafood on the menu. They have Shrimp; Tilapia; Salmon; Oysters; Snow Crab Legs; Grouper; Frog Legs; New Zealand Green Lip Mussles; Scallops; Catfish; Pollock; Mahi Mahi; Clam Strips; Jumbo Shrimp; Crawfish; and Gator Tail. The Swordfish decorative tin above the door should have tipped me off. But wait, they did not have Swordfish.

  Randy's menu is a train wreck. On top of this Mount Pisgah of seafood there is 15 appetizers,18 sandwiches, and 20 dinners. Also, smack-dab in the middle of this menu is the statement "WINGS, OUR BEST SELLER". My head is still swimming.

  I was lucky to have so much time to peruse the menu. Maybe this is why they did not bother to greet me immediately.   I ordered a chopped barbecue  sandwich with Cole slaw and potato salad. The order-taker asked me which of four sauces I wanted to go with my meal. I picked the spicy mustard. They had spicy mustard, regular mustard, spicy tomato and regular tomato sauces. The sauce tasting ended up being the highlight of my meal.

  I had a choice of Texas Toast or a bun for the sandwich. I asked the attendant which one she recommended. Her suggestion of the bun sounded genuine so I went with it. The bun looked great but it was just too much for the sandwich. The bun overtook the unimpressive five ounces of meagerly-smoked chopped pork.

  The Cole slaw was straight off the truck. It was more like a Cole slaw soup. The potato salad was edible, but I suspect it too came pre-made and was delivered on the same truck. I was disappointed.

  So let me sort this rib shack out. It is not a rib shack. It is not a barbecue joint. It looks like one, but it is not. A rib shack would have rib baskets, half slabs of ribs, full slabs of ribs, rib tips, pork ribs, beef ribs, rib salad, rib stew, rib sandwiches, rib wraps, rib beans, steak and ribs, chicken and ribs, and maybe even a rib Quesadilla. A barbecue joint does not need twenty types of frozen fish. It does not need to have 15 appetizers nor 18 random sandwiches. It just requires great barbecue. What I truly do not comprehend is why a quaint shack would  not make their own sides. Randy's has an opportunity to be unique, but instead they choose to be the same. Trying to please everyone out of a shack is... well...  idiotic. Oh, and rib shacks do not have Pastrami sandwiches according to gf.

  The attendant mentioned that they had been there for five months. She also offered up that they were slow because they were in a bad location. She could not have been any farther from the truth about why they were slow. This is a perfect place for a barbecue shack. It was by the railroad tracks and almost under an overpass. What more could one ask for? More signs, that is what one could ask for. I recommend posting little signs along the road every so often upon approaching the shack... just like the old Burma Shave signs...that would do the trick. Click here if you do not know what Burma Shave is. 

Slow Down

Not So Fast

Barbecue is Here

Lunch At last!!!

Randy's Rib Shack

One could also ask for an attentive staff. If an attentive staff is too much to ask for then maybe a bell at the counter like at Empty Arms Hotel. I always got a chuckle when Roy Clark would jump up from behind the Empty Arms Hotel counter. If you were born after 1990 go buy the box set of Hee Haw. The show was fashioned after Rowen and Martin's Laugh-In. ...Nothing? Right.

 It was a slap-stick comedy show during the 60's and 70's. Google it when you run out of other things to Google.

  On a positive note the murals on the walls in the "dining area" were pretty cool

as were the Cypress counter tops.

  Randy's Rib Shack needs to figure out what they are going to be. What they are is very curious, very bland, and very slow.

  86 the TV.

Thanks for reading,

gf

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Paul Gant's Barbeque ~ Port Saint Joe, Florida

  There is exceptional  barbecue to be discovered everywhere it seems, that is, if one is paying attention.

  Now, is it called barbecue or barbeque? Mr. Gant would seem to prefer the 'que instead of the 'cue. But I could care less, because his 'que is pretty much on cue. (Rim shot please)

  I have this thing for BBQ huts. When I see one I just want to check it out. It is not just the food you see, it is the whole deal. It is patriotic Americana at its best. No corporations, very few rules - save those of common sense and cookery, which is what determines these hut's fates. They are all in. All or nothing. You like it or you don't. Usually, if you don't like them they don't worry about it so much. Opinions are like butt-holes to these folks - everyone has one.

  Wax paper rules the BBQ underworld. Without it, there would be no true Deep South BBQ. 

"Imposters do not use wax paper." gf

  This is the "Hungry Man" Plate. There must be some big-ass men in Gulf County Florida. 

  If this family plays their cards right they could be the "Pineapple Willies" of Port Saint Joe.

   They will have to work on their people skills though. They were a bit non-chatty. How can caterers be non-chatty? I am not sure about that.

  Let's run through this food real quick.

   Potato salad ~ Skip it. I call this "mashed potato salad" and I am no fan of it. It is a typical mayo/mustard/pickle relish fare.

  Baked Beans ~ Delish! Smokey, with brown sugar and infused with pork bits.

  Ribs (spare ribs) ~ These were "fall of the bone" with a slight tug. Served dry, dipping these into the home-made BBQ sauce made them near perfect.

  Pulled Pork ~ Oversmoked. They were using Oak, and lots of it. Nothing is worse than burping up Oak for the rest of the day after eating a plate of food.

  Smoked Chicken ~ Over cooked and dry. It did have a good crust and good flavor though.

  Conclusion? Pull in and order. Do not be skeered. Hey, that is how you say it in Port St. Joe Florida.

Thanks for reading,

gf

  

Hottie Hawg's Smokin' BBQ ~ Atlanta GA

 Hottie Hawg's Smokin' BBQ invited me for dinner, which was in itself a momentous occasion, as someone actually wanted my opinion. I know, that is amazing ('whispering'... and a bit suspicious).

  Enough of the hubbub though, it is time to get down to business. HHSBBQ is fairly new (since 2008), and it shows in some simple ways according to gf.  They had an unfortunate tragedy at the start of their company with the tragic loss of a partner, which must have brought forth some hard times and difficult decisions.  It appears that they have weathered those hard times well as they are set up nicely for catering with a massive Hottie Hawg's trailer (the "18 Squealer"... which is bad ass to say the least). They also have Hotties, and a Boss Hawg to boot. I believe that it is safe to say that catering is their strength. They have even landed a gig with The Lifetime Channel called "Catrering Wars".
  However, after watching the first episode, I think that someone needs to rethink this whole "Boss Hawg" bit. There is good publicity and then there is bad publicity. I hope that Boss Hawg telling a competing caterer that he was going to "put his boot up her ass" was not a bad publicity move.

 HHSBBQ (the initials seem longer than the name) has a cozy spot in a worn out part of town. Even though the area is older, there are some really cool buildings in this area of west Atlanta. HHSBBQ is very easy to get to as they are right off of South Cobb Drive. They have two adjacent buildings, which I suspect that one is an office. The restaurant has a big deck between the buildings, ample parking (you may not want to take a deep sniff of the air as it may be malodorous), and mysterious back porch with smokers and such (I also noted a secret trap door for the wood.)... very cool.

  The restaurant building needs the gf Corps of Engineers to investigate and come up with a plan. Here are a few suggestions (for free) to help them out:

1. Crap on the walls and in every nook and cranny has been over-done. Stop it. Go with neat and clean, cool and bad-ass.

2.  "When in Rome do as the Romans do." If you want to do a sports-bar atmosphere... Remember that you are in Atlanta Georgia... Home of the Falcons. I do not think that the Falcon's fans care too much for the Dallas Cowboys (but the Cowboy fans love it!). You can hang up all the signed jerseys, balls, helmets, etc. that you want, and it will gain you close to zero in return.

3. Do something with the front door. Use it or lose it. I watched a poor soul meandering around the front trying to figure out how to get in. If people are struggling with that, well... Houston, we have a problem.

  Well then, I feel better already. Shall we talk about the food since that is why we showed up? "People go out to eat to eat" gf.

  I brought along the baker, and Deep South Sassy Chef extraordinaire, Jill; The Wing-Man, and Southern Ice Tea Critic, Stephen; and all the way from Augusta Georgia, our fearless Pulled-Pork-Perfectionist, Alex. Here are our collective opinions about HHSBBQ Texas Style BBQ fare:

  Smoked Wings ~ Overcooked, they had to be fried "according to Stephen", the sauce was on point though. Stephen commented: "They have their work cut out for them to catch up with Fox Brother's wings... Just sayin'."
  I think that they were smoked and then fried. 7 points Falcons.

  Sweet Iced Tea ~ It was freshly brewed (Alex stated that it was so fresh it was slightly warm) and sweetened nicely. Our Ice Tea Critic took a to-go cup of the nectar. 3 point Field Goal Dallas.

  Beer Can Chicken ~ The chicken had a crispy outside and moist and juicy inside. It was very flavorful with a mild smoke flavor. 7 points Dallas.

  Pulled Pork ~ Alex had it in a sandwich and I had it with a combo. Served dry, HHSBBQ is relying on the guest to douse it with one of their three signature sauces (mustard, tomato vinegar, or smokey/spicy sweet tomato base), which were all on point. If one attempts to eat this pork plain they will notice a good flavor, but will consume at least three glasses of the fresh sweet tea. Topping the sandwich with onions was different. 3 points Dallas.

Sliced Brisket ~ The brisket was fork tender with a slight smoke flavor. Not the best I have ever had, but for a lazy Sunday afternoon it was pretty darn good. 3 points Dallas.

  Burnt Ends ~ Not being a gf staple, the burnt ends were still judged with care. Alex wanted to make a hoagie out of them... I am not so sure about that... but they were tender and flavored with rendered fat and smoke. This is not diet food, but it is, none the less, delicious. 7 points Dallas.

 Potato Salad ~ The Southern Sassy Chef likes no potato salad other than her own... except for HHSBBQ's! Holy crap! Dallas sacks the Falcon's in their own end-zone for a safety!  2 points!

  Collard Greens ~ These greens were off-the-chain-good. I mean to steal this recipe. 3 points Dallas.

  Cole Slaw ~ This slaw has to be a Texas deal. It has a slight vinegar base with cilantro and black bean salsa. I am not a huge fan, but it was flavorful. I bet if I tossed in some Duke's mayo it would be a three point money shot at the buzzer. 3 points Falcons.

  Fried Pickles and Jalapeños (bottle tops) ~ Mucho caliente y mucho denaro. This is the second recipe I intend to steal. When I started nibbling on this appetizer I thought it was too expensive. As I continued to eat this delectable snack I changed my mind. 3 points Dallas.

  Now what every warm blooded American is waiting for me to write about... Hottie Hawg's Hotties. The concept is tried and true ~ great food and hot women... in boots... and Daisy Dukes. OMG the "three B's" are BBQ, Beer, and Babes. Bluegrass should be in there too... but only on Thursdays.

"Whenever one finds a cute pig one needs to be on the lookout for a frog." gf

I found the frog's banjo.

  Our Hawg was a Hottie, maybe not a great server, but she was cute. If HHSBBQ is after the Hooter's/Twin Peaks/Tilted Kilts bit they are going to have to bring their "A" game. The competition is fierce and the segment is shrinking with more and more of these places popping up everywhere.

  Just for discussion... is it cool to be called a Hottie Hawg? Talk amongst yourselves about that and feel free to report back.The food was the star of this visit... not the Hawgs.

We also tried the desserts. Our Sassy Chef said that the Pecan Pie had a good flavor, but noted that it was a bit dry. She did not like the presentation of the Key Lime Pie in the small tin. She thought that it did not have the "burst of lime" that she was hoping to find and found it bland. "If they want to put something in a tin cup I suggest Banana Pudding or Bread Pudding instead of Key Lime Pie."

  I am going to donate some plate ware in the near future, as they will need it when they open their first prototype restaurant (I have already scribbled out a Proto-A design on a napkin).

  I wish this company the best of luck. They have courage; good food; a crap load of potential; Hotties; a Boss Hawg; and a phenomenal marketing Yoda who actually may be hidden in the other building.

Thanks for reading,

gf

  

  

Slope's Barbecue ~ Cumming, Georgia

  What should one do when one becomes a grandfather? Yes, eat barbeque. Well, of course, one must hold the baby as well. Just know, that good barbeque can often shift ones priorities. Since I had held the granddaughter for seven hours straight, I figured that it was time to eat.

  I whipped out my handy-dandy iPhone application Urbanspoon, and checked out the local reviews in Cumming Georgia. Thank goodness that I did, because several barbeque joints on the main road had been sacrificed by Urbanspoon reviewers. Since Slope's BBQ was sporting some good reviews, I chose them for dinner.

  Before I get too carried away, I have to vent about Cumming Georgia. Would someone please buy a bulldozer and make a straight road? This town has serious road-curve issues. The old downtown area is just one big hot mess. There HAS to be a vacancy in the city planning department. Would someone, anyone, please apply for this position? Upon being hired you will need mass quantities of earth moving machinery, a crew of accurate surveyors, and some twine for good measure. I wonder if Ty Pennington can redo a whole town.

Ty has just enough ADHD to do the job.

  Off we went through the maze of crooked streets. We diligently referred to our GPS for guidance as we wove though Cumming to Slope's Barbeque.

  Slope's has a lot going for it. Here is the positive list:

• They are off the main drag.
• They have a nice building with a cool porch with wood borer bees buzzing about.
• The have a huge smoke stack with a pig on it.
• The prices are reasonable (WYSIWYG ).
• They have a friendly and helpful staff.
• The dining room is decorated well with miscellaneous farm implements.
• The Brunswick Stew was on point.
• The sides were delicious.
• The kitchen looked very clean. (There was a shiny ultra-modern stainless steel cooker in the kitchen.)
• The food was fresh and filling, however...

Here is the negative list:

• Lack of smoke in the general vicinity of the restaurant. Big-ass smoke stack though!
• The dessert menu was weak. They are losing a bit of cash here.
• The pork was chopped, nay, hacked to minuscule bits. This would have served us well if we were eating SC hash. Pull the pork or slice it please.
• Served spare ribs instead of St. Louis with no description of which type they were serving.
• The iconic pig with a big knife and fork kind of creeped me out.

Eat here. The food is good. They may not win any competitions, but they are nice folks and they will take care of you. You will not perish from food poisoning. The sweet tea was good according to my associate (son) Stephen.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Everything All The Time

http://www.ranker.com

Do you want to know what has been firing up gf's brain lately? 

That is correct. Everything all the time. Why is it that a majority of American restaurants must try to do everything all the time? It absolutely makes me crazy.

According to gf, "everything all the time" means, most likely, that "everything is done half-assed all the time".

I dined tonight at an American casual dining establishment tonight, which will remain unnamed for now. They have a very clever name, which gave stimulation to a specific spot in my brain. However, after perusing the menu, those stimulated brain cells became disappointed and confused. Yes, they were trying to do everything all the time. For the love of everything clean and pure, do one thing and do it well.

Let me review this unnamed menu:
Appetizers ~ they all have been done, nothing special, boring bowling alley bar food. Wait, scratch that. Some bowling alley food actually rocks. Nintendo Wii Bowling Ball (Google Affiliate Ad)
Salads ~ There were eight specialty salads. Asian, American, Mexican, Italian... It was like I was dining at the International House of Salads.
Burgers ~ This section of the menu was the only clear and focused part of the whole menu. Bravo! You got burgers right. Yippee.
Entrees ~ steaks (3) lmao, pasta, seafood, Southern, Irish, Cajun, Mexican, Ribs, and of course make a "combo from hell" section.

Everything all the time. Average is the highest mark that can be accomplished in this school of thought. This is why I hold BBQ joints in such high esteem. They know what the hell they are.

Ever heard of a great BBQ joint doing pasta?
Ever heard of a great pizza joint serving great steaks?
I could go on, but I know that you see the gf logic here.

 

  I wonder how many great restaurants have been ruined by this phenomenon. Losing focus, on what one wants to do great, is when one starts wondering how to keep up with the competition. If one is not focused, morphing into an "everything all the time" loser is possible.

Oh well, one more clever name wasted. That is a shame, as I do like a clever name.

  There is no need in me needling the restaurant, the management, the service staff, or even the food. It was as I expected. Fifteen seconds with this menu told me all that I needed to know. The staff was trying hard to make it happen, but it was a struggle. The place was on a wait due to slow food and service. The bartender was in the weeds and was dealing with some unhappy guests. The hosts had that "deer in the headlights" look on their faces. Clutter was the word of the day. I really felt bad for the place.

  Let this be a warning world. Be who you are. Know your roots. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. Do the one thing that you are passionate about and do it well.

Thanks for reading,
gf