Sportsman's Barbecue ~ Clark's Hill SC

  I really hate giving bad reviews, no... really. I am searching for epic barbecue in the Deep South. When I think that I have found a joint that has a chance to be great, I feel like a character in The da Vinci Code who is on the cusp of finding the last great clue. I was ready to unlock the great barbecue clue in Clark's Hill S.C..

 Slightly off the beaten trail, and north of North Augusta S.C., Sportsman's Barbecue had several things that attracted gf to it's doors.

~ off the beaten path

~ next to a gas station of a similar name

~ the smell of smoke

~ high ranking on Urbanspoon 85+%

I was primed and ready to unravel the Sportsman's Barbecue mystery.

  This is a simple place. It smelled of smoking barbecue. What could really go wrong? Well, let's see; shall we?

1. I ordered a beer. The waitress hollered back to the kitchen "you can go ahead and give me that Mich Ultra again." She soon came by the table explaining that they were out of the beer that I had ordered. (I figure the beer had been mistakenly opened and then polished off by the cook.) Mind you that there is a convenience store right next door. I bet they had cold beer.

2. I ordered a "loaded potato" with pulled pork and topped with cheese. Why in Zeus' name would they serve me a two day old potato?! Baked potatoes have a piping hot white flakey center. This was a cold waxy brown potato. A cold waxy light brown potato would be a day old potato. This potato was brown like dark brown sugar... And don't even try to tell me that it was smoked, or I will dot you in your eye. Pathetic is what this potato was.

3. I ordered Hash over rice. I grew up on this Southern delicacy as a young'n. The first ten pounds of overweightness (do not Google that last word) was due to hash, rice, and white bread. Therefore, here is my first cooking tip for Sportsman's Barbecue: Do not butter the rice; Hash is not to be dry; and since the Hash is not dry, serve it with white bread so one can sop up the juice.

4. My esteemed BBQ sandwich expert at large (my son Alex) struggled with his chopped (to death) BBQ sandwich. Dry and un-entertaining was his report.

5. We had side dishes. The cole slaw was edible and actually pleasant, however the corn on the cob was from another dimension. Maybe it was sucked into a wormhole and dropped on the plate as the waitress exited the kitchen while delivering our food. It was dry, old, and disgusting.

  So there you have it. Old food from two days ago reheated and sold to gf. They are open Thursday through Sunday. I ate on a Saturday. Thank goodness! Just think what the food is like on a Sunday!

  Sportsman's Barbecue here is another  food tip from accordingtogf: Cook less, more often.

Thanks for reading,

gf

The Place on Broad ~ Augusta, Georgia

  The wrought iron patio furniture makes The Place on Broad the perfect spot for a dinner on a beautiful spring day. Not to imply the inside of this restaurant is shabby at all, with its elegant bar and cozy booths. However, I am sure that it does not compare to the ambiance of a May afternoon in Augusta Georgia. Downtown Augusta is a twisted blend of businesses boxed in by the Savannah River, old neighborhoods, rail yards, and a sprawling collection of colleges. Maybe one day Augusta can get its act together and clean up Broad Street. Restaurants like The Place on Broad have reclaimed one or two blocks of Broad Street, but I believe there are more opportunities for growth downtown as the city leaders become resolute to work on the issues.

  Being the proud owner of a new camera, I was click-happy right out of the gate. However, by snapping pictures like the Paparazzi, I blew my cover as a sleuthing restaurant critic. I had a head waiter, a water-runner, a beer-runner, and assorted food-runners. The host also checked on the table often. Tip of the day: If one ever wants abnormally superior service, bust out a camera and go to work.

  The Spinach Dip came with toasted Pita Bread. (insert a long pause with much thought and contemplation) (OK, insert another pause and some finger tapping) No, nothing remarkable comes to mind about the Spinach Dip. Spinach and cream cheese... I did see one bit of red, maybe a tomato or a roasted pepper snuck in unnoticed. The covering of melted Gruyere cheese gave the dip a pleasant presentation. Unfortunately, looks are not everything. The dip was a bit thick and intensely  normal. I suggest that the chef toss in some roasted red peppers and some Peri-Peri Extra Hot Sauce to take this spinach dip to another level.

  Burgers were the star of the evening, but I chose to fight the mob and ordered the Avocado Crumble Salad topped with Mahi Mahi. The Avocado on the salad was perfect without any brown discoloring. That statement may sound odd, but I seem to be a magnet for brown Avocado. With the Mahi Mahi cooked perfectly, this was an outstanding salad. Fresh, bright, and enjoyable, it was a perfect match for the spring evening on Broad Street.

  The mushroom-topped burger, touted by my son Alex as "the best burger [consumed in recent history]", looked delicious.  I dove in and took a bite. I admit that this is an excellent burger. The Kaiser rolls toasted on the flat top with butter is what made these burgers superior. My theory is that a fantastic burger should always leave a permanent stain on your shirt. I am also a minimalist when it comes to burgers. An epic "gf" burger consists of quality ground beef cooked over a wood-burning grill, topped with aged cheddar cheese, and smashed between two pieces of buttered egg-buns, but hey, that is just me.

A "chilled out" guest

  The place on Broad is a delightful place to chill out. Maybe when it is time for a remodel the owner will consider renaming The Place on Broad to "The Place to Chill". What a fabulous place this is to enjoy your company and just relax. We people-watched for a whole twenty minutes after the meal. The occasional weird dude walking down the sidewalk makes a convenient excuse to buy another beer. Never underestimate the impact of weird dudes. "Do me a solid and get me another brew" almost came out of my mouth. One cannot get much more "chilled" than that.

 Overall, this was a pleasant dining experience. I hope that The Place on Broad will survive and become a fixture in downtown Augusta. The staff was excellent on this slowish-beginning of a Saturday evening. I will have to come back when they are busy (without my camera), to find out if they can perform under pressure.

  Check out their menu and their store website at theplaceonbroad.com.

Thanks for reading,
gf

Fogo de Chao Churrascaria ~ Atlanta, Georgia

  I fortunately reached a historic day, as I turned the ripened age of fifty.  I sound like a rotting piece of fruit, but this called for a celebration. My wife was perplexed over where we should celebrate until she started a search on Urbanspoon. She chose Fogo de Chao Churrascaria after reading several reviews. She hit a home run. We had a fantastic time and an excellent dinner. However, as usual, there is a story.


  While relaxing before dinner, I had done some research about Brazilian food. Many of my friends are world travelers. So naturally, I asked my Brazilian friend Judy about what to expect at a Brazilian restaurant. She jumped for joy (if you can do that on line) as I was about to dine at her favorite restaurant. She explained to me what foods would be available. She instructed me to ask for "maminha na manteiga" for dinner and "Mousse de Maracuja" for dessert.


  Judy seems like a sweet woman and has never been hostile to me. However, after translating maminha na mantegia, I wondered if this would be her version of a birthday prank. She had instructed me to ask for "titty butter" from the Gauchos. I was not sure if I would be able ask for this special cut of meat without getting slapped. After much ado, Judy assured me that "titty butter" was a literal translation. She also assured me that in no way was it meant to be a comment that would fall into that "grey area". Yeah, right. "Please pass the titty butter."


  We booked an early reservation on Saturday night. From the suburbs, with Braves baseball traffic jamming I-75/I-85, it only took forty five minutes to arrive at Fogo de Chao's free valet parking service. The bar swarmed with activity upon our arrival. Ladies wearing summer blouses with matching purses and four inch sandals garnished the bar the way that limes decorate a Brazilian cocktail. The entry had an energy of anticipation.  The mingling of the hosts and guests at the bar pleasantly distracted us upon entering. While the hostess seated us immediately, I noticed no Southern slang, such as Ya'll, honey, sugar, or any other derivative of Sir or Ma'am in her language. What a pleasure (although I enjoy a decent "sugar pie" every now and again.)! On the way to the table, the expansive and never-ending wine racks mesmerized me.


  Servers dodged the Gaucho dudes wearing funny-looking boots, and wide black belts, toting hot skewers of cooked protein. Every worker scurried about in organized chaos. Amazingly the staff did not run into each other, the way mindless Atlantians do while driving in the rain on I-285. The hostess guided us to a comfortable white tablecloth two-top. The dimmed room gave out a cozy vibe. The server immediately came to the table and told us the routine. A blizzard of information attacked our frontal lobes. The quad-fold brochure-looking menu was even more dizzying than the waiter's interpretation of the same. Therefore, I put the "menu" down and ordered some Brazilian red wine. I figured out relatively quickly that this was a fancy-dance-all-you-can-eat. (I am sure someone will school me one day on the proper use of hyphens.) Where is Nell?


  Part of the routine is the red and green disks placed on the tables. Yes, green equals go, and red equals stop. The Gaucho dudes will not stop coming, until one flips the disk to red. Remember, I gave fair warning. The server gave us the green light to go to the salad bar. Now, take "THAT" image of a salad bar out of your mind. It was more like a salad hill than a salad bar. I did veer away from the giant marinated beans, but I found the choices unique and fresh. I especially enjoyed the Heart of Palm and the Tabouli salad. As I started to stock my plate, I heard "Don't fill up on the salad and pastas." It was Judy whispering in my ear.


  Shuddering hearing her voice in my head, I stopped filling my plate and settled down to enjoy my salad. Soon thereafter, my wife and I looked at the red disks, then looked at each other. This continued for several moments until we took the plunge and flipped the disks to green. A whirlwind of boots, belts, and skewered meat encircled the table. The Gauchos quickly delivered Sirloin, chicken, lamb, sausage, Ribeye, and Filet until stopped with the red disk. Every cut was excellent. 


  Then I just had to ask for it. I had long forgotten how to ask in Portuguese for the cut of meat that Judy had described as the best. I decided to cut to the chase, and I asked the waiter for "the meat that translates to 'titty butter' in Portuguese". He let us know that although it is a remarkable cut of sirloin, they were not serving the Tri-tip sirloin at this time. Rats.


  We did enjoy the Flan and the Passion Fruit desserts. The entire experience was delightful. I recommend Fogo de Chao for any special occasion.

On a scale of one to five meat skewers, Fogo de Chao Churrascaria, I give thee five meat skewers.

Thanks for reading!
gf

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Why do I feel like I am selling my soul?

Well, since we are here, we might as well listen to some Lightnin'.







lol
gf