Hottie Hawg's Smokin' BBQ ~ Atlanta GA

 Hottie Hawg's Smokin' BBQ invited me for dinner, which was in itself a momentous occasion, as someone actually wanted my opinion. I know, that is amazing ('whispering'... and a bit suspicious).

  Enough of the hubbub though, it is time to get down to business. HHSBBQ is fairly new (since 2008), and it shows in some simple ways according to gf.  They had an unfortunate tragedy at the start of their company with the tragic loss of a partner, which must have brought forth some hard times and difficult decisions.  It appears that they have weathered those hard times well as they are set up nicely for catering with a massive Hottie Hawg's trailer (the "18 Squealer"... which is bad ass to say the least). They also have Hotties, and a Boss Hawg to boot. I believe that it is safe to say that catering is their strength. They have even landed a gig with The Lifetime Channel called "Catrering Wars".
  However, after watching the first episode, I think that someone needs to rethink this whole "Boss Hawg" bit. There is good publicity and then there is bad publicity. I hope that Boss Hawg telling a competing caterer that he was going to "put his boot up her ass" was not a bad publicity move.

 HHSBBQ (the initials seem longer than the name) has a cozy spot in a worn out part of town. Even though the area is older, there are some really cool buildings in this area of west Atlanta. HHSBBQ is very easy to get to as they are right off of South Cobb Drive. They have two adjacent buildings, which I suspect that one is an office. The restaurant has a big deck between the buildings, ample parking (you may not want to take a deep sniff of the air as it may be malodorous), and mysterious back porch with smokers and such (I also noted a secret trap door for the wood.)... very cool.

  The restaurant building needs the gf Corps of Engineers to investigate and come up with a plan. Here are a few suggestions (for free) to help them out:

1. Crap on the walls and in every nook and cranny has been over-done. Stop it. Go with neat and clean, cool and bad-ass.

2.  "When in Rome do as the Romans do." If you want to do a sports-bar atmosphere... Remember that you are in Atlanta Georgia... Home of the Falcons. I do not think that the Falcon's fans care too much for the Dallas Cowboys (but the Cowboy fans love it!). You can hang up all the signed jerseys, balls, helmets, etc. that you want, and it will gain you close to zero in return.

3. Do something with the front door. Use it or lose it. I watched a poor soul meandering around the front trying to figure out how to get in. If people are struggling with that, well... Houston, we have a problem.

  Well then, I feel better already. Shall we talk about the food since that is why we showed up? "People go out to eat to eat" gf.

  I brought along the baker, and Deep South Sassy Chef extraordinaire, Jill; The Wing-Man, and Southern Ice Tea Critic, Stephen; and all the way from Augusta Georgia, our fearless Pulled-Pork-Perfectionist, Alex. Here are our collective opinions about HHSBBQ Texas Style BBQ fare:

  Smoked Wings ~ Overcooked, they had to be fried "according to Stephen", the sauce was on point though. Stephen commented: "They have their work cut out for them to catch up with Fox Brother's wings... Just sayin'."
  I think that they were smoked and then fried. 7 points Falcons.

  Sweet Iced Tea ~ It was freshly brewed (Alex stated that it was so fresh it was slightly warm) and sweetened nicely. Our Ice Tea Critic took a to-go cup of the nectar. 3 point Field Goal Dallas.

  Beer Can Chicken ~ The chicken had a crispy outside and moist and juicy inside. It was very flavorful with a mild smoke flavor. 7 points Dallas.

  Pulled Pork ~ Alex had it in a sandwich and I had it with a combo. Served dry, HHSBBQ is relying on the guest to douse it with one of their three signature sauces (mustard, tomato vinegar, or smokey/spicy sweet tomato base), which were all on point. If one attempts to eat this pork plain they will notice a good flavor, but will consume at least three glasses of the fresh sweet tea. Topping the sandwich with onions was different. 3 points Dallas.

Sliced Brisket ~ The brisket was fork tender with a slight smoke flavor. Not the best I have ever had, but for a lazy Sunday afternoon it was pretty darn good. 3 points Dallas.

  Burnt Ends ~ Not being a gf staple, the burnt ends were still judged with care. Alex wanted to make a hoagie out of them... I am not so sure about that... but they were tender and flavored with rendered fat and smoke. This is not diet food, but it is, none the less, delicious. 7 points Dallas.

 Potato Salad ~ The Southern Sassy Chef likes no potato salad other than her own... except for HHSBBQ's! Holy crap! Dallas sacks the Falcon's in their own end-zone for a safety!  2 points!

  Collard Greens ~ These greens were off-the-chain-good. I mean to steal this recipe. 3 points Dallas.

  Cole Slaw ~ This slaw has to be a Texas deal. It has a slight vinegar base with cilantro and black bean salsa. I am not a huge fan, but it was flavorful. I bet if I tossed in some Duke's mayo it would be a three point money shot at the buzzer. 3 points Falcons.

  Fried Pickles and Jalapeños (bottle tops) ~ Mucho caliente y mucho denaro. This is the second recipe I intend to steal. When I started nibbling on this appetizer I thought it was too expensive. As I continued to eat this delectable snack I changed my mind. 3 points Dallas.

  Now what every warm blooded American is waiting for me to write about... Hottie Hawg's Hotties. The concept is tried and true ~ great food and hot women... in boots... and Daisy Dukes. OMG the "three B's" are BBQ, Beer, and Babes. Bluegrass should be in there too... but only on Thursdays.

"Whenever one finds a cute pig one needs to be on the lookout for a frog." gf

I found the frog's banjo.

  Our Hawg was a Hottie, maybe not a great server, but she was cute. If HHSBBQ is after the Hooter's/Twin Peaks/Tilted Kilts bit they are going to have to bring their "A" game. The competition is fierce and the segment is shrinking with more and more of these places popping up everywhere.

  Just for discussion... is it cool to be called a Hottie Hawg? Talk amongst yourselves about that and feel free to report back.The food was the star of this visit... not the Hawgs.

We also tried the desserts. Our Sassy Chef said that the Pecan Pie had a good flavor, but noted that it was a bit dry. She did not like the presentation of the Key Lime Pie in the small tin. She thought that it did not have the "burst of lime" that she was hoping to find and found it bland. "If they want to put something in a tin cup I suggest Banana Pudding or Bread Pudding instead of Key Lime Pie."

  I am going to donate some plate ware in the near future, as they will need it when they open their first prototype restaurant (I have already scribbled out a Proto-A design on a napkin).

  I wish this company the best of luck. They have courage; good food; a crap load of potential; Hotties; a Boss Hawg; and a phenomenal marketing Yoda who actually may be hidden in the other building.

Thanks for reading,

gf

  

  

gf's Top Ten Christmas Shopping Faux Pas

10. Mall managers not calculating human body heat into the Mall thermostat equation.

9. Inability to park straight. If you cannot park the SUV leave, it at home.

8. Salespeople grunting and pointing when asked for an item's location.

7. Glaring at me when when I refuse to sample your nasty Mongolian chicken at the food court.

6. Blocking an entire area with five kids, carts, and strollers so that others cannot shop.

5. Racing to beat someone to a cash register or a parking space like you are in NASCAR.

4. Letting your kid scream bloody murder while you shop in oblivion.

3. Cutting in line.

2. Using a Sears shopping cart to tote your kids and crap around the mall while you shop.

1. Only six of the twenty four registers are open when there is six million people in Wal Mart.

Nascar Revisions Explored ~ The Deep South 2.0

I am not a big NASCAR fan. I am just being honest. There are an abundance of folks in the world who would say that it is the best sport in the world though. Here are some obstacles in my mind that deter NASCAR from being in my top ten sports. I may have to explore these in full detail at a later date:

• This sport uses an obscene amount of gasoline.
• Tires, lots of tires are used. I don't think that they decompose so fast.
• Pollution --lots of that.  
• Noise, pass the BC Powders.
• Rednecks. I really don't want to go here.
• Annoying bright colors and big ass numbers.

There is no wonder spectators drink themselves to stupidity. I think that Richard Petty promoting headache powder is just about right on as you can get.

But these are not the things that I would like to discuss in this blog directly. I would like to discuss the sport (or lack there of) with NASCAR. 

The Problem

NASCAR was born right here in North Georgia by transporting Moonshine. Yep, good ole White Lightning. Fellas would soup up their cars to outrun the law. They had to be tricky, sneaky, fearless, and be real good at modifying their cars to do so. They had to transport Moonshine, and lots of it, rapidly through Atlanta (MARTA moving alcohol rapidly through Atlanta). The locals will get that. This required unique cars with clever suspensions.

Well I would say that all of those traits have been successfully and completely eradicated from the sport these days. Here is why I think so:

• NASCAR is predictable. Turn left.
• No one is chasing anyone really.
• The cars have to all be designed basically the same way; engines, bodies, etc..
• There is no transportation involved.

 Now I am not saying that it cannot be exciting to watch, because they have a huge following. I just have suggestions (as usual) on how to take this sport up a notch or two. I mean after all, if we are going to pollute, burn rubber, and suck up gas, we need to make a concerted effort to take it to the max, and make it just a bit more old school at the same time.

First Things First  
The race cars have to tote moonshine in glass Mason jars in the trunk. Preferably in a wooden box in the trunk. This will require saw dust or wood shavings as a packing substance. No air bubbles sheets or Styrofoam peanuts to pack it with would be allowed. There is enough plastic pollution going on already. I figure that twelve quart size Mason jars should be enough at first. Every time you take a pit stop you would have to add another box of moonshine which would add more risk and weight to your ride. This will eliminate any unnecessary pit stops.
The other part of this transportation equation is that for every bottle broken points (laps) will be deducted. This may encourage some to ram into the backs of others, but after a few races this will change as there will be free reign to modify your car.

The Cars  
As in the olden days, drivers and teams will have freedom to modify their cars. This will make it messy at first, but after a while things will work out on their own. Moonshine running was dangerous, if you are a sissy you have no business racing. Also, if you are a sissy you have no business watching this if you have such a tender heart. It would be like no holds barred fighting. Real messy in the beginning, but they are fine now.
In the example of cars running into the back of other cars to break their bottles, this could be corrected by a simple modification. I would suggest a steel spike stuck onto the back of the car that would ram into your engine before you hit my bottles. OK, that was a bit medieval I will admit. That would be more like jousting. I will have to think about that some more.


The Race 
True NASCAR fans stopped reading about ten minutes ago. That is OK. Progress must be made. I will forge on diligently for the rest of us. This is where the true craft of new NASCAR racing begins.
The old moonshine runners had guns. I suggest paintball guns. Going two hundred miles per hour and getting shot in the head with a neon bright pink paintball would be like a hole in one during the Masters tournament. Cruising by an opponent and blasting their windshield with paint will take courage, skill, and a bit of luck. Hey, if you do not like the annoying colors of your opponent - blast them. 
I think there could be plenty of other challenges put in place as well. Here are a few suggestions:

• "Switch" - This is when a special flag is posted and all cars must turn around and go in the other direction.
• "Oil Spill" - Oil would be deliberately poured onto the track to cause havoc.  My suggestion is that this be done early in the race as there is always too many in the race to begin with.
• "Tacks" aka "The Wile E. Coyote" - I don't know. Maybe it is my Warner Brothers influenced childhood. 
• "Leave Them Where They Stop" - If a car breaks down, or parts fly off a car, the stuff has to stay in the road. This will make the track more of an obstacle course.

There are more that we can all think of if we put our minds to it. I think with these few changes NASCAR will become more interesting and more like the original sport. 


I would guarantee that if races were run like this fans would not have to drink themselves stupid at a race just to have a good time. 


To all of the NASCAR fans around the world. Love ya, mean it. I just have two words more for you. Sun Screen.


gf