Dropped Ice Cream Cones

  What in the hell is wrong with America?

  Wait, let me answer my own question. 

Many Americans are idiots, or sloths, and many have become those who do not wish to be held accountable for their own actions. It would appear that there is a growing number who think they are entitled. How in the world could anyone, from a nation of immigrants, ever possibly feel entitled is beyond gf. 

  If I was fortunate enough as a child to acquire an ice cream cone from the local ice cream truck vendor (and I was, as I wore "husky" size clothes for many years), I knew it was very important to shove the treat in my mouth with a quickness, so as not to drop it on the ground. If I were to drop my treat on the ground I knew it was "game over" - No discussion, no re-do, no more ice cream. Done. (My wife still wonders why, on occasion, I eat things that I have errantly dropped on the floor.) Hey, three second rule... and she is an excellent house keeper. There are no nocuous germs on her kitchen floor.

  This idea of "no new ice cream cones if you drop it" mentality has been infected by video games. Yep, children playing video games are responsible for this change in thinking, however, not totally, as the game creators have a responsibility to bear. Someone desperately needs to hold these chaos creators accountable. I know that the game creators have given back to society as well. Most children now know how to kill Zombies and fly hovercraft.

When one plays Chess, Tic-Tac-Toe, Checkers, Risk, or Monopoly there are no do-overs. One may luck up on a  "get out of jail card", a lucky roll of the dice, or a player who is not paying attention, but that is about it. In video games there is very little accountability, as one can save the game along the way, and therefore, one does not have to completely start over. Yep, the good old do-over.

  The do-over has become an American epidemic. We now do-over everything and anything. Thinking is not an action that is needed... because one can just do-over.  Not happy with your spouse? Do-over. Failed 8th Grade again? Do-over. Wait, no, scratch that... "No one left behind"... what was I thinking? 

  Do-over disease may be why many folks have issues with umpires. Umpires are in charge of do-overs. Hey, some folks do not like God. They don't think he is going to hand out many do-overs on the judgement day. 

 I think a do-over is needed from time to time depending on the circumstance. However, some things just do not need to be done over. Ever. Like Disco. However, this idea that a kid can demand a new ice cream just because they are a klutz is idiotic. Why should the ice cream vendor have to incur this extra cost of goods?

  This poison goes even deeper though. The "I don't like this flavor of ice cream so I am entitled to get another flavor for free" crap is like a plague in our society. Some freaking four year olds are telling their servers "I don't like these chicken tenders, so I want something else". Seriously? Eat your damn chicken tenders already. Your delicate palate knows Kool-Aid and hot dogs. Shut it. Zip it.

  What happens when little Johnny grows

up? Anarchy. Everyone turns into a Gordon Ramsay of Casual Dining. Just great. I can't wait. Just for fun let's pause for a moment and imagine some of those comments.

                         Pausing.....

Well, the best one I thought of was:

  "This (microwaved) crab leg dinner just does not taste as fresh as it normally does".

  It is annoying to make a do-over when a child has dropped their food, but what the hell, make them a new one.

  Why?

 The kid will cry and the mother or father will be completely unsuccessful at consoling the child. The parents will then start to boil into a frenzy if the establishment does nothing. 

  The restaurant has to create a welfare fund for such occurrences. Yes, a secret welfare fund. It is also called a "price increase". 

  So what is the point of this ramble? 

•Take care of children or they will become suicide bombers.

•Do-overs are not so bad. Maybe you will need one soon. I know I do occasionally.

•Bitching raises prices in the end.

•Not being able to say "No" is what ruins civilization.

  So then, "What in the hell is wrong with America?" We just have lost the ability to say "no". This is why our great country is in the shit. Yea, I said it... In the shit. Our great leaders just cannot say no to the whining public because they are scared of not being popular (re-elected to their cushy spot). The leader's uniforms are spotless and pressed. They have not been in the game. Their inability to say no is how we have racked up trillions of dollars in debt and devalued the Dollar. Not being able to say no has pushed the entire world economy into the shit. Hey, everyone wants to be successful like the Americans. Yeah right... whatever.

  Give everyone a new ice cone. Never say no. This is how one ruins a country.

 See you at the soup kitchen.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Max Headroom for president.

Paul Gant's Barbeque ~ Port Saint Joe, Florida

  There is exceptional  barbecue to be discovered everywhere it seems, that is, if one is paying attention.

  Now, is it called barbecue or barbeque? Mr. Gant would seem to prefer the 'que instead of the 'cue. But I could care less, because his 'que is pretty much on cue. (Rim shot please)

  I have this thing for BBQ huts. When I see one I just want to check it out. It is not just the food you see, it is the whole deal. It is patriotic Americana at its best. No corporations, very few rules - save those of common sense and cookery, which is what determines these hut's fates. They are all in. All or nothing. You like it or you don't. Usually, if you don't like them they don't worry about it so much. Opinions are like butt-holes to these folks - everyone has one.

  Wax paper rules the BBQ underworld. Without it, there would be no true Deep South BBQ. 

"Imposters do not use wax paper." gf

  This is the "Hungry Man" Plate. There must be some big-ass men in Gulf County Florida. 

  If this family plays their cards right they could be the "Pineapple Willies" of Port Saint Joe.

   They will have to work on their people skills though. They were a bit non-chatty. How can caterers be non-chatty? I am not sure about that.

  Let's run through this food real quick.

   Potato salad ~ Skip it. I call this "mashed potato salad" and I am no fan of it. It is a typical mayo/mustard/pickle relish fare.

  Baked Beans ~ Delish! Smokey, with brown sugar and infused with pork bits.

  Ribs (spare ribs) ~ These were "fall of the bone" with a slight tug. Served dry, dipping these into the home-made BBQ sauce made them near perfect.

  Pulled Pork ~ Oversmoked. They were using Oak, and lots of it. Nothing is worse than burping up Oak for the rest of the day after eating a plate of food.

  Smoked Chicken ~ Over cooked and dry. It did have a good crust and good flavor though.

  Conclusion? Pull in and order. Do not be skeered. Hey, that is how you say it in Port St. Joe Florida.

Thanks for reading,

gf

  

Bub-Ba-Q ~ Woodstock GA

  I have noticed that there are way too many BBQ joints using a cartoon pig in their signage. Pigs cooking, pigs with forks and knives, cute pigs, pigs over fire, pigs with chef hats, pig butts, pigs with big snouts, and pigs wearing overalls, just to mention a few. (I will of course have to ramble on about this at a later date.)

Therefore, I was ecstatic that I did not see one picture or any other graven image of a Bubba at Bub-Ba-Q. 

  Yes, I was impressed. They did however clutter the joint up with an annoying amount of trophies from BBQ competitions. Enough already. Jeez.

 We had to jump up on some to-go food as all of our posse was at Grandma's house. This young lady was very patient and helpful.

  Bub-Ba-Q has the sauce program working hard. However, I am very disappointed that they allow the company who produces their sauces to use High Fructose Corn Syrup. This is a huge fail According to gf. Look, a BBQ belt! Just like WWF!

 There was a big-ass commercial smoker jammed into a corner in the back.

   I had recenty visited a soon-to-be-famous BBQ joint in West Atlanta who has Hottie "Hogs", so of course, I had to compare them to Bub-Ba's Hotties. I have determined that the waitresses at Bub-Ba-Q were just as hot. Matter of fact, they are hot enough to win a trophy, which could be displayed (with the others) at the restaurant.

 The roasted chicken was tender but it had very little smoke flavor and was light on the seasoning.  The greens were way overcooked. I have no comment on the macaroni and cheese... However, my wife "The Sassy Chef" went on and on about its insufficencies for a half an hour or more. Hey, what can I say? She is passionate about Mac and Cheese!

  The Chocolate Snickers Cake (made by the Alpine Bakery) was rich and delish. 

  The half rack of ribs was very tender and had a nice smoke ring, but I thought they could have used more rub. Skipping past the baked beans... (cough)... the corn-fritter-thingy-bobs were... OMGood.

  The pulled pork was moist and tender. One must dip this into the mustard BBQ sauce. Matter of fact I dipped them into every sauce they had: Mustard, Vinegar base, Spicy Hot Vinegar, and Smokey Kansas City Style. The sauces were on point even though it may take me a while to rid my system of the HFCS that was in them.

  Overall Bub-Ba-Q was good. I did not go crazy-ga-ga over anything, save the corn fritters and chocolate cake, but this is decent Q. They must be doing something right as they had good business and plenty of trophies. One must understand that there is a big difference in winning competitions and running restaurants. Running a restaurant takes focus 24/7 and a great staff. I really liked the staff at Bub-Ba-Q, and I know their focus will take them far.

  Someone at Bub-Ba-Q needs to hire a lawyer as there are Bubbas everywhere. Here is a BubbaQue out of Florida...

 http://www.bubbaquesbbq.com/

(They even have a cartoon pig.)

  Hell, our family even has a Bubba! Yeah, someone needs to wrangle in all of these Bubbas in and sort them all out. 

  Check Bub-Ba-Q out when you get a chance; you should not be disappointed. I am waiting for the "half-off franchise sale" just so I can use the name! Oh, and I am stealing the corn fritter recipe.

Thanks for reading, 

gf

  

  

Hottie Hawg's Smokin' BBQ ~ Atlanta GA

 Hottie Hawg's Smokin' BBQ invited me for dinner, which was in itself a momentous occasion, as someone actually wanted my opinion. I know, that is amazing ('whispering'... and a bit suspicious).

  Enough of the hubbub though, it is time to get down to business. HHSBBQ is fairly new (since 2008), and it shows in some simple ways according to gf.  They had an unfortunate tragedy at the start of their company with the tragic loss of a partner, which must have brought forth some hard times and difficult decisions.  It appears that they have weathered those hard times well as they are set up nicely for catering with a massive Hottie Hawg's trailer (the "18 Squealer"... which is bad ass to say the least). They also have Hotties, and a Boss Hawg to boot. I believe that it is safe to say that catering is their strength. They have even landed a gig with The Lifetime Channel called "Catrering Wars".
  However, after watching the first episode, I think that someone needs to rethink this whole "Boss Hawg" bit. There is good publicity and then there is bad publicity. I hope that Boss Hawg telling a competing caterer that he was going to "put his boot up her ass" was not a bad publicity move.

 HHSBBQ (the initials seem longer than the name) has a cozy spot in a worn out part of town. Even though the area is older, there are some really cool buildings in this area of west Atlanta. HHSBBQ is very easy to get to as they are right off of South Cobb Drive. They have two adjacent buildings, which I suspect that one is an office. The restaurant has a big deck between the buildings, ample parking (you may not want to take a deep sniff of the air as it may be malodorous), and mysterious back porch with smokers and such (I also noted a secret trap door for the wood.)... very cool.

  The restaurant building needs the gf Corps of Engineers to investigate and come up with a plan. Here are a few suggestions (for free) to help them out:

1. Crap on the walls and in every nook and cranny has been over-done. Stop it. Go with neat and clean, cool and bad-ass.

2.  "When in Rome do as the Romans do." If you want to do a sports-bar atmosphere... Remember that you are in Atlanta Georgia... Home of the Falcons. I do not think that the Falcon's fans care too much for the Dallas Cowboys (but the Cowboy fans love it!). You can hang up all the signed jerseys, balls, helmets, etc. that you want, and it will gain you close to zero in return.

3. Do something with the front door. Use it or lose it. I watched a poor soul meandering around the front trying to figure out how to get in. If people are struggling with that, well... Houston, we have a problem.

  Well then, I feel better already. Shall we talk about the food since that is why we showed up? "People go out to eat to eat" gf.

  I brought along the baker, and Deep South Sassy Chef extraordinaire, Jill; The Wing-Man, and Southern Ice Tea Critic, Stephen; and all the way from Augusta Georgia, our fearless Pulled-Pork-Perfectionist, Alex. Here are our collective opinions about HHSBBQ Texas Style BBQ fare:

  Smoked Wings ~ Overcooked, they had to be fried "according to Stephen", the sauce was on point though. Stephen commented: "They have their work cut out for them to catch up with Fox Brother's wings... Just sayin'."
  I think that they were smoked and then fried. 7 points Falcons.

  Sweet Iced Tea ~ It was freshly brewed (Alex stated that it was so fresh it was slightly warm) and sweetened nicely. Our Ice Tea Critic took a to-go cup of the nectar. 3 point Field Goal Dallas.

  Beer Can Chicken ~ The chicken had a crispy outside and moist and juicy inside. It was very flavorful with a mild smoke flavor. 7 points Dallas.

  Pulled Pork ~ Alex had it in a sandwich and I had it with a combo. Served dry, HHSBBQ is relying on the guest to douse it with one of their three signature sauces (mustard, tomato vinegar, or smokey/spicy sweet tomato base), which were all on point. If one attempts to eat this pork plain they will notice a good flavor, but will consume at least three glasses of the fresh sweet tea. Topping the sandwich with onions was different. 3 points Dallas.

Sliced Brisket ~ The brisket was fork tender with a slight smoke flavor. Not the best I have ever had, but for a lazy Sunday afternoon it was pretty darn good. 3 points Dallas.

  Burnt Ends ~ Not being a gf staple, the burnt ends were still judged with care. Alex wanted to make a hoagie out of them... I am not so sure about that... but they were tender and flavored with rendered fat and smoke. This is not diet food, but it is, none the less, delicious. 7 points Dallas.

 Potato Salad ~ The Southern Sassy Chef likes no potato salad other than her own... except for HHSBBQ's! Holy crap! Dallas sacks the Falcon's in their own end-zone for a safety!  2 points!

  Collard Greens ~ These greens were off-the-chain-good. I mean to steal this recipe. 3 points Dallas.

  Cole Slaw ~ This slaw has to be a Texas deal. It has a slight vinegar base with cilantro and black bean salsa. I am not a huge fan, but it was flavorful. I bet if I tossed in some Duke's mayo it would be a three point money shot at the buzzer. 3 points Falcons.

  Fried Pickles and Jalapeños (bottle tops) ~ Mucho caliente y mucho denaro. This is the second recipe I intend to steal. When I started nibbling on this appetizer I thought it was too expensive. As I continued to eat this delectable snack I changed my mind. 3 points Dallas.

  Now what every warm blooded American is waiting for me to write about... Hottie Hawg's Hotties. The concept is tried and true ~ great food and hot women... in boots... and Daisy Dukes. OMG the "three B's" are BBQ, Beer, and Babes. Bluegrass should be in there too... but only on Thursdays.

"Whenever one finds a cute pig one needs to be on the lookout for a frog." gf

I found the frog's banjo.

  Our Hawg was a Hottie, maybe not a great server, but she was cute. If HHSBBQ is after the Hooter's/Twin Peaks/Tilted Kilts bit they are going to have to bring their "A" game. The competition is fierce and the segment is shrinking with more and more of these places popping up everywhere.

  Just for discussion... is it cool to be called a Hottie Hawg? Talk amongst yourselves about that and feel free to report back.The food was the star of this visit... not the Hawgs.

We also tried the desserts. Our Sassy Chef said that the Pecan Pie had a good flavor, but noted that it was a bit dry. She did not like the presentation of the Key Lime Pie in the small tin. She thought that it did not have the "burst of lime" that she was hoping to find and found it bland. "If they want to put something in a tin cup I suggest Banana Pudding or Bread Pudding instead of Key Lime Pie."

  I am going to donate some plate ware in the near future, as they will need it when they open their first prototype restaurant (I have already scribbled out a Proto-A design on a napkin).

  I wish this company the best of luck. They have courage; good food; a crap load of potential; Hotties; a Boss Hawg; and a phenomenal marketing Yoda who actually may be hidden in the other building.

Thanks for reading,

gf