Comma Spliced Blog

Nell Hardin

  Nell said you would get an F on any work that contained a comma splice. In high school, she wasn't "Nell", she was the dreaded "Miss Harden", our English teacher. After we graduated, we were permitted to call her Nell.

   I am still in fear of the comma splice. I fear other grammatical errors as well. (The last two sentences came into being as a comma splice; but they were conquered.) I have often wondered, as I have delved into the world of blogging, what mass errors in grammar I have made. "What would Nell say?" I ask myself on a regular basis. I do not even want to know what Nell would say. I fear Nell.

  My scholastic friends often help proofread (for a good laugh, no doubt) to help me out on my uneducated attempt at linguistic creativity. I do appreciate their help (Special thanks to Ben Waggoner, Ashley Faircloth, and Jill Faircloth), as I do thank God for the infamous red lines that pop up under words as I write. Possibly, through all of my trial and error, I will improve in this area of grammar. However, I am not holding my breath.

  I often wish we would correct ourselves more often, and be as critical of each other when we speak. My mother often did this at home, as did  Nell when I was in boarding school. When I was at boarding school, the professors sat at the head of every table with twelve students. For four years I sat at her table for meals. I had no clue why. Was my need to speak correct English so great? Yes.

 "How are you doing today, Gregory?" Nell would ask.
Greg: "Aw, I guess I am doing pretty good!"
Nell :"You mean to say you are doing WELL, correct?" (see, right there, a comma, semicolon, or a period!!??)
Greg: "Yes Ma'am"


  The destruction of our language is in full force these days. Unfortunately, I believe in some odd way I am guilty of it as well. No, I may not speak in some urban language that has not been mapped out by the professors of language, but I do use slanguage in my speak. Transforming how we (or I) actually speak into a written format is a slickery task. Texting has created an entirely new language; that will have to be dealt with at a later time.

  What is wrong about writing like you speak? Have you ever read old documents or books from the 1700's or further back? We have changed. Were they wrong? Not sure about that. So I write in a "conversational style" or some such. I am OK with this. I embrace this. I implore the reader to ignore the occasional grammatical error and hear what is being written. I do wish that I had slept less and paid more attention in Miss Harden's English class.

Click here to see the Five Most Common Grammatical Errors 
Click here to see Five Grammatical Errors that make You Look Dumb

I will be visiting these sites often.
Do not think of Miss Harden when you read my blog.

Thanks,

gf

Ten Things That Confuse Cats

Champ with his parasite Luna

  I decided that it would be a good idea to take my cat "Champ" for a short ride to the store after he gave me a longing look. I packed him in his ultra new cat carrier. As we started off down the road I thought it would be a good idea to let him out of his carrier to explore about, and look out the windows. Champ was neither happy nor impressed with my thought process on this whole adventure. He started the normal cat "what in the hell have you done to me" howl as he hopped around looking out the windows. He was seriously confused. After his failed attempt to jump out the front windshield I realized this very fact. That of course got my odd and smallish mind wondering what else confuses cats. Here is what I have so far:

Packing for a vacation. Cats run from room to room wondering who got kicked out.

Flash lights, or better yet, laser pointers. This really needs no further explanation. You Tube that if you are bored.

Moving anything confuses a cat, such as furniture, litter boxes, and food bowls.

Snow. We just recently found this one out.

Covers. You can put anything under a cover and the cat is toast. It will either go spastic looking for the item, or ignore it all together.

Shut doors. They really may not even need to go into the other room. The doors being closed drives them insane because they cannot figure out why the door is shut.

Coffee grinders. Good clean fun.

Water. These animals lick themselves to get clean; water has been an issue for eons.

Can openers. The reverse effect of a coffee grinder.

Windshields.


  After I pulled over and put Champ back into the cat carrier, our adventure to the store became much more pleasant. Maybe I should have borrowed the neighbors spoiled chihuahua to sit in my lap and enjoy a quick ride to the store.



Thanks for reading.

gf

Jekyll Island Video 2011

I will share with you our favorite vacation spot in the entire universe. This video was made by Justin Hicks; he is a young man who seems to have a knack for taking very good photos. His banjo playing will soon get him more national attention than this video, but give him a minute, as he is new at that. Zack Brown Band has not been paid for this video. Shh.

Thanks for watching.

gf

The Mayan Calandar and the New Zodiac

  Well the news said that because of miscalculations in time, and/or the tilt of the earth, the Zodiac signs are no longer relevant. The months basically have not kept up with the stars. I think the stars are winning.  So the whole Zodiac deal has shifted.

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  Now, my gracious and lovely wife has told me for years how the Zodiac signs are "so right on" the money. Therefore, because of one's Zodiac sign, people simply cannot help themselves for whatever misbehavior they may happen to be into. I was comfortable being a Ram, but now I find that I may be a Bull. I had just grown attached to the Aries sign, but now that things have shifted, I am feeling a bit out of sorts. The Bull sounds dumber than a Ram, no disrespect to all the current Bulls, who may or may not be something else now. I have been told that I have all of the Ram traits, and now I am not sure if I am ready to take on all of the Bull responsibilities, other than I am full of Bull most of the time. (Rimshot)

  I am not sure why everything Zodiac is all out of wack, maybe the leap years had not been figured out three thousand years ago. Ancient fail. Above is the best chart for Zodiac calculations that I have found. Dates, stars, names, signs, and elements all in one. Perfect.

  So the issue is that, over time, all of the stars are no longer in the month that they were first seen in by the Ancients. This is an epic issue. Do you realize how many tattoos will have to be corrected? Millions. This is exactly the kind of thing that I feared when I have thought about getting a tattoo. My wife, who dove right in, and got a tattoo with every Zodiac sign of every member of our immediate family, is screwed. Now her five Zodiac signs will have to be done over like five old boyfriend's names. Her pretty little butterfly tattoo will look like a catchers mitt. This is all due to the fact that the ancient stargazers did not have a slide rule. Nice job.

   To make matters worse "they" have added another sign "Ophiuchus" as the thirteenth sign. Look, no one is going to want their new sign especially if it is the thirteenth one. The Zodiac Committee really did not do their homework on this one. Seriously. And the sign is a dude holding a snake. Sign of Satan is what it is. The Devil's sign. Evil Ophiuchus. Triskaidekaphobia - Fear of the number 13.

Manataka American Indian Council

  Because of all of that miscalculating, our current calendar's alignment with the Mayan calendar, which allegedly predicts the end of the world in 2012, is off as well. OK, in plain speak, our calendars and charts are junk. I cannot wait to see the new Farmer's Almanac, as they use the Zodiac signs and such to know when to plant vegetables. Our gardens are going to look like crap this year.

 Have you ever really looked at the Mayan calendar? This is one crazy looking timekeeping instrument. Little men stacked on top of one another. I am not so sure we really need to worry so much about ancient timekeeping. They did not just have "a" calendar either; they had like six or more. One for short time, one for long time, one for sacred time, one for plant time, etc..

One problem with this whole Zodiac / Mayan / End of the world / Tattoo Redo thinking is the translating from one calendar to another. Doing so without the creators of the Mayan calendar around to help with the translation is not good. Some say that the problem is the translation of the word "end". The Mayan allegedly referred to this 2012 date as a "transformation" or a "change" rather than an "end" date. We need to go from from the fourth sun to the fifth sun. Got that?

Here is the real 2012/Mayan/Zodiac deal:

 1. Quit worrying about what your sign or chart said is going to happen to you today. Just do what you know you should do. Please leave feelings out of this equation.

2. Do not go and change your tattoo today. I was however, thinking of getting crazy looking Mayan man tattooed on my left butt cheek.

3. Go ahead and figure out what you need to stop, start, or change in 2011 for preparation for 2012. I am looking forward to start selling "2012 Survival Kits". I am going to make a killing on you people.

Thanks for reading,

gf