Hobosexuals

Wow. Just before I sneezed, I had half of this blog written. How does one delete half of a blog in one sneeze. I just wish I had that on super-slow-mo.

OK, now where was I? Yes, that is right - hobosexuals. My son Bryan likes to keep me informed of as many of the latest gadgets, movies, games, series, odd/random thoughts, and words as possible. I want to thank him for that. He plopped hobosexual in my lap just yesterday. It is a very nice word indeed. The significance of this word is not the word itself, but rather its antonym metrosexual.  Hobosexual actually makes fun of metrosexual by simply existing. Personally, I would much rather be a hobosexual than a metrosexual any day of the week.
  What is disturbing to me, is the fact of how far behind I am in this life. I just cannot seem to keep up. I find a new and cool word, and low and behold, there is already a band out in the bandsphere with the same name. I shit you not.
 If this is a surprise to you, let me introduce to you the band Hobosexual.

Holy crap! there is another band called hobosexual!
 
Other definitions include but are not limited to:

• A no good passionate bum.
• A person who is sexually attracted to tramps.
• A pun on homosexuals.

I think this guy is a fake hobosexual who does not have a apostrophe stencil.

Remember this Hobosexual Ted Williams?

Hobo is an interesting thing to search for on the web. If you have time, go for it. Here is some of the crap that I found.

Hobosexual soup may be good for your soul.

If you be a hobo, you very well might be a hobosexual. Just Sayin'.

Thanks for reading,
gf

Mind Your Manners!

  "Mind your manners son!" ~ I always expected a slap to the back of my head when I heard that phrase as a child.

  Most Americans do not share that same anxiety anymore. People are down right rude these days. Hell, they don't even know that they are rude. I believe that the majority of Americans are numbed to rude behavior. Genteel behavior alludes the masses. I can remember when men used to tip their hats to the ladies. Today the opening of a door for a date is nothing but a bygone memory. While at boarding school, we were imbued with many of these niceties, such as standing up when a lady came to be seated or left the table, and holding the chair for a lady if she was being seated next to you. Watching people interact at dinner in public is truly sad these days. I imagine that my old Professors and Faculty members think that the world has truly gone to crap.

So then, let me ask my readers some questions on rudeness.

Is walking in the middle of the road with your Homies (at a snails pace) when cars are coming rude?

www.Homies.tv

Is walking around with half of one's ass showing, and the crotch of one's pants shuffling between the knees rude?

www.funnyjunk.com

Is taking more than ten items into the "less than ten items" lane at the supermarket rude?

Is prating on endlessly with your date during a Willie Nelson Concert rude? (The dude is 79 years old; shut up already!)

Is smoking outside next to other diners without asking rude? (Is the outdoors the only (non)-non-smoking area anymore?)

Is talking annoyingly loud (in an obnoxious tone) on a cell phone in public rude? (Yes, we do see you.)

Is causing havoc by driving the wrong way in a parking lot while gnawing on a fried chicken leg rude? (I saw this.)

Is monkeying with one's phone, when with a group or on a date, rude?

Is cutting in line (any line) rude?

Is chewing food with one's mouth open rude?

Is smacking gum rude? (Especially if you are my waiter.)America's Original Dubble Bubble Gum, 300 Pieces (Google Affiliate Ad)

Is taking up two parking spaces rude?

Is wearing pajamas to Walmart Publix rude? (I am not sure that wearing pajamas in Walmart is rude anymore.)

Is throwing out all of the trash in one's car into a parking lot rude?

Is mumbling or whispering so low that one is undecipherable rude?

While discussing this topic with my team we had a epiphany. Rude people are usually stupid people. The discussion of stupid people turned into a discussion about ignorant people. The discussion of ignorant people turned into a discussion of education. The obligatory "You can't teach stupid" comment hit the table with a thud. The discussion of being unable to educate an imbecile turned into a discussion of idiots in general, which landed us dead in the center of gf territory.

Idiot T Shirt by gf

A generation of idiots who do not know how to speak has been raised in this country. Correct verb usage by this group of idiots is a pipe dream. They especially destroy the verb to be. "Is ya'll goin' to de sto?" is definitely not English. I would say that this speak is a lot like "Spanglish", but instead of mixing Spanish and English, it is a mixture of half English and half Ghetto. Shall we call it Ganglish? "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am" are not included in this Ganglish language. They do not understand, nor do they execute proper sentence structure. They cannot read. They absolutely cannot read out loud. They are not familiar with reasoning, which, of course, derails any type of calculating, debating, empathy, moral thought, prioritizing, etc.. Therefore, they are perceived as rude and thoughtless beings. They are thoughtless, except of course for those shallow and vain thoughts that they may occasionally have about themselves.
Rude.

But Hey, on the positive side, they can play the crap out of a video game. 

Rude, by the way, is far different from being a smart ass, clever, sarcastic, or downright mean. Rudeness has its roots in selfishness. I am trying to remember when America was not selfish and rude. But then again, maybe it has always been selfish and rude. The Deep South has had an image of being genteel and polite. Seriously, The South has always been hypocritical. One can slather oneself with "yes ma'ams", "sugars", and "honey childs", but still be rude. But alas, The South is even losing that genteel touch of hypocrisy.

I believe that this ignorance started when the Country decided that all children should pass in school with flying colors, despite whether they deserved to pass or not. The "No child left behind" project is a complete train wreck.

When I was a kid in school we knew very clearly who the idiots were. I am not speaking of the mentally challenged or special needs kids here. I am speaking of the lazy idiots who did not care. They were failed with a quickness. I went to seventh grade with an eighteen year old named Stewart. He drove his car to work. He never could pass the seventh grade. He was clever, but he did not care about school. He knew he wanted to paint houses for a living. I am glad that the school did not pass him. I am glad that the school did not demoralize those who were studying hard for a good grade and lower the bar. He did not study so he failed. Maybe if we held students accountable they would eventually get a clue. By the way, I heard that Stewart was an excellent painter.

 Until then we will have to deal with these lazy ignoramuses who walk around like Zombies, and who think that they are entitled, and who are rude to everyone that they come in contact with.

If you are an idiot please refrain from being a rude idiot. It is annoying.

Thanks for reading,
gf

Jesus in the Microwave

I have been to numerous and varied worship centers in my life. What is that? Name them? Sure thing.

Independent Baptist;  First Baptist (never went to a Second Baptist unfortunately); Seventh Day Adventist, Southern Baptist; Primitive Baptist; Southern Methodist; Evangelical; Bible Baptist; Presbyterian (version A); Presbyterian (version B); Independent (no version); Church of God; Church of Christ; and finally, and last but not least, Catholic.

That is about it.  This is the story of my introduction with last group of worshipers on the list.

  Going to church is a regular event in most peoples lives. However, some do not go to church and have never desired to do so. I tend to be the intermediate worshiper. My coadjutor's worship had been stymied by my mode of worship, so, on occasion, I set forth to visit the Catholic Church with her. The first visit was a near disaster.

  As a young Protestant, I had been warned by my peers about idols and other mysterious phenomenon in the Catholic Church. I was diligent to point out to my wife these idols on my first visit. They all had huts which they resided. Parishioners lit candles for their favorite idol's comfort. I still am processing the whole Saint deal and the praying to Mary. Somehow, I am not sure that she wants all of these prayers. If I were her I would feel like I had a email account with way to much spam. Maybe the Saints help her sort though the whole prayer overload. I have a good bit of studying to do on this matter yet. Anyway, all was fine until it was time to take the Eucharist.

  The Eucharist, for those unfamiliar, is the belief that Christ becomes the bread and wine and the believers eat him. I know, it sounds odd at first, but it is symbolic of believers being one with God. Maybe I am not the best person to explain this. Click this link to learn more about Communion. So then, if one is not a believer, or has not made themselves pure, or is not a member (depending on what church you go to), one should not take the Eucharist as it would be an abomination. (This would not be good especially if you are trying to improve your spiritual status in heavens eyes.)

  So it was time to do this Eucharist event. We all stood up and readied ourselves. I got the instructions to simply cross my arms to get a blessing. I know! How easy is that?! The priests went to a golden box on the wall and opened it with care. The Priests proceeded to pull out of the golden box the bread and wine resembling the body of Christ. The aforementioned box just happened to look like a real fancy microwave; that thought stuck with me for some odd reason. Later that week when I tried to describe my viewing of this event, in my broken Spanglish, to my Hispanic Catholic cooks at work, it came out as "..and they took Jesus out of the Microwave". They ridiculed me often for this description.
  We got in line (This always requires complicated hand gestures.) and proceeded toward the Priest who was delivering the Eucharist. Then it was my turn, and I froze, with a blank mind. This caused a mild traffic jam. I looked at the Priest. The Priest looked at me. I looked at the Priest with raised eyebrows. He looked back with eyebrows raised higher than mine. Then sensing my ignorance and utter failure, my wife poked her head around me and blurted out for God and Country to hear "HE'S NOT CATHOLIC!" That felt worse than having to stand up if front of everyone at the First Baptist Church because you were a visitor.

  I got my blessing. However, I feel that it was instantly used up due to the stress of the whole event.

   Stand up; pray; sit down; read Scripture; listen to song; sing back; listen to song; sing back; listen to song; sing back; stand up; and repeat. This is the basic pattern of worship. There is also the activity of the lighting of candles, toting of the oversize Bible, and the flipping of the pointy hat back onto the Priest's head. I have not figured out what the golden curly topped staffs that the Priests carry are used for yet. Catholics do not post numbers either. Some churches post member numbers, hymn numbers, attendee numbers, missionary numbers, etc.. I think Catholics let God worry about who goes to church and how much money they give. That, and I think that they must have old money.

The Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine / The First Parish

  So, that was my first visit in a Catholic Church. Notice that I did not mention random farting on hard wood pews, which can cause excessive echoing and reverberation throughout the church. Maybe I will talk about that next time. That is always good for a laugh. Especially when they are innocent farts. Those are the best. You know the type. The church fart is painful. One's sides can go in to a spasm-state from trying to restrict laughing and giggling about the event. Church farts do not stink either, as there is way too much grandmother perfume in the sanctuary, which fights off fart smells. Dirty baby diapers are a different story. One cannot hide that stench. Thankfully, babies are usually kept in those creepy and malodorous church nurseries.


Go to church, and thanks for reading,
gf