Restaurant Quantum Time Warp Part 1

I have an inchoate comprehension on restaurant time which I would like to share with you today. Very similar to the discussion of dimensions, that took place at our dinner table at home not too long ago, I have found that there are specific things that can influence your time in a restaurant, no matter if you are a patron or an employee. Please visit www.tenthdimension.com to glean all the pertinent information on time travel and such.



OK that may have just given you a headache, but it is somewhat important for our discussion. Back to the Restaurant Quantum Time Warp.

  As a guest in a restaurant, cafe', or a pub, you have undoubtedly experienced these time warps, even though you may have been unaware of the"quantumness" of it all. (Use the Q words gf, it confuses them and makes them dizzy.) What causes these time warps? Glad you asked.

Here are a few things that make a Restaurant Time Warp warp longer that come to mind:
1. No one opening the door or greeting you when you first walk in.
2. No immediate greet at the table, the longer the greet, the longer the warp.
3. Drink service taking more than three minutes.
4. Appetizer or salad service taking more than six minutes.
5. Lack of service in general; refills, removing dishes, bread service, and a warm smile not present.
6. Server or kitchen error that drags the entree from arriving promptly.
7. Improper or slow check/change service.
8. Annoyances. (babies over babying, drinkers over drinking, managers over managing, farters over farting, etc.)
 


Think of your time in the restaurant as a circle; the left side of the circle being the beginning, and the right side of the circle being the end.



 


Positive activity within the circle bombards the molecules inside the circle, which in turn bombard each other, and like unto a tea kettle on the stove expels excess time which has adhered  to the molecules. This creates a vacuum in your time experience shrinking the space from the beginning and the end.

 

When this takes place you may speak comments like "Wow, where did the time go? We had a great time tonight! I cannot believe it is so late!..blah blah blah". You have come out of the positive Restaurant Quantum Time Warp with out really knowing the "quantumness" of it all.


However, the reverse is true as well. Negative activity, like our list above, makes the Restaurant Time Warp expand expeditiously. Negative experiences within your time circle adhere to your time molecules with a coldness, slowing them down, and adding layer upon layer until your time circle expands like bad spandex on an inenarrable over-eater at a bad buffet.

So there you have it, Part One of Restaurant Quantum Time Warp. Be sure to recognize this when it happens and share with the others. If you start to experience a negative Restaurant Quantum Time Warp either try to pull your waiter out of the warp (this can be tricky), or involve the other staff and mangers into the warp (this usually fixes any warp issues; that is unless there is an overall staff warp going on, which will be addressed in Restaurant Quantum Time Warps part 2)

**footnote
I really just wanted to use the word quantum to get your attention, as I have a very limited understanding of most anything starting with a "Q". I avoid "Q" words when at all possible, along with most "X" words and occasionally "W" words. Not over using them just makes my life move in a smoother manner. This shyness of these odd consonants most likely stems from getting punished by them when they landed on a Triple Word Score in Scrabble.

Thanks for reading.

gf

Colonel Poole's BBQ

North of Atlanta up I-575, if you are patient you will spot Col Poole's BBQ on the right in East Ellijay GA. You will most likely drive past it as you stare, no, gawk at the mass quantities of pigs on the "pig hill of fame". Be smart, turn around and check it out. This place is either the result of a marketing genius, or someone with way too much time on their hands. This is a pretty cheesy looking place, but that is what makes for the best BBQ joints sometimes, and as I found out this was no exception to the rule. I would give this a number ten on the cheesy wheel rating. Here is a view of the place as I walked in.




Yeah, pigs everywhere. The menu is the average Southern BBQ menu with "Pork Plates" and "Chicken Plates' and such (they were out of chicken however). They had T Shirts for sale, political pictures everywhere (did not see many Democrats or Independents), and an electric piano. I like BBQ huts like this because there are no rules. No corporate, political correctness at all, no, toss all of that out. Free speech reigns supreme here. You don't like it, then leave. I love that. This is what America needs more of, people making what they want to make, how they want to make it, and not really caring so much about whether or not you do not like it, and having a "not getting mad if you do not want to spend your money here" attitude. Don't like pigs stuck everywhere? Don't care. Don't like political conservatives? Don't care. Don't like Gospel music? Don't care.
 However, on the other side of that same coin, this is what the draw is, so deep down they do care, but not so much that they are going to change and pipe the latest hip hop music through the speakers. Everyone who worked here was attentive, polite, and relatively speedy. The "dining room lady" was delivering food using the "look for who is not eating" method of service. She was fairly efficient paying attention who had been sat latest so she did not have to hunt and peck too much. "87?? who has ticket 87??" chimed through the busy dining room occasionally, but the place way running smoothly for a Sunday afternoon.
 There was a large ice machine labeled "do not open" in the side room, and a table set up with plastic forks, straws, and extra napkins and lemons. Everyone I watched had a smile on their face save the German ladies sitting opposite us in the next room. I was not sure what they thought. I was going to ask, but for once I saved them the embarrassment of a gf conversation, having to answer silly questions in broken English. But that would have been funny.
I ordered a Pork Plate that came with two sides; I chose slaw and green beans. Green beans, poor choice; put them back into the can whence they came. The slaw as well as the BBQ I believe, was inspired by our good folks from North Carolina; no mayonnaise in the slaw, rather vinegar based, both were quite good. The BBQ had a slight smokiness, but I felt that it could have been smoked  a smidgen better. Smokiness is a tricky deal; too much can derail any BBQ. Some folks think that smoke is a food group; not. The Col. needs to toss another log in the smoker, but other than that this was good eats. I ate the bbq with out sauce, save the glob that they plopped down on top of the pork, which was quite good to my surprise. It had a tomato base and a slight sweetness, no doubt provided by molasses or sugar, but it was tasty. The sauce on the table was sweet enough to put me into a diabetic coma. No bueno; 86 the table sauce Colonel. Overall I enjoyed my visit; this is a great place. Take the family on a weekend visit. Buy a pig.
Visit the Colonel at www.poolsbarbq.com/

Thanks for reading.



gf