Campers

I have been thinking of purchasing a camper. There are several levels of camping I have discovered. Generally, I am a city boy, but I am sure I can at least pose a s a good camper.

Outdoor Camping

There is tent camping which I have done; check. Then there is RV camping. Before you go RV camping you must have an RV. Now you must own a small bank to be able to purchase one, therefore smallish RV's appeal to me more than the XXXL type. At some point you are not camping anymore with RV's. There is a threshold that is broken as the size of the RV used increases. I am not quite sure where this threshold is, but I do know that using the XXXL RV to go camping should just be called "Mobile Homing". Camping requires some sacrifice that is rewarded with the connection with nature. A sixty foot RV with a pop out and an awning does not seem like camping to me. I may start with a tent. I have pretty much decided on a Tee Pee type tent. I think I will feel like a Native American in some small way, and therefore, be even closer to nature. Indians had the camping thing figured out. They actually had almost everything figured out except for the deception of the white man. Hats off to the Indians who did not play nice. Had they known how we were to foul things up after moving in, they would have killed more of  our ancestors. There are tents that fit onto the back of a truck or a SUV. These are for quick get-a-ways, and or so that you do not have to sleep on the ground, or for those of us who cannot quite decide to camp in a tent or an RV. They are on the fence. One would not want to get too close to nature; the effects may be detrimental. If you go camping in a half tent half truck contraption you may just be showing the world that you are truly a Milquetoast. Definitely not an Indian, I am sure of it.

Indoor Camping
I realize that this sounds like an oxymoron, but it does occur. Nothing is more annoying than indoor camping. I am not referring to kids sleeping under blankets propped up in the living room, or sleep overs with pillow fights. No, I refer to the camping that goes on inside restaurants or a small diners. Now, where some folks go wrong is the simple confusion between a bar or pub and a restaurant. I think that one of the things that promote this activity is TVs placed all over the restaurants these days. 86 TVs in all restaurants. This will stop most of the confusion; customers mindlessly watching TV during and after eating must be stopped. Drinkers, however, sitting at a bar or in a pub watching TV is completely different. We want these folks to continue to sit and drink; the longer the better. Drinkers watching TV is safer than them driving ~ A. Drinkers talking about the TV is better than them talking about what is pissing them off ~2. And C ~ Watching TV makes drinkers thirsty.


Face it, Sunday diners are the worst. I am not sure what must be talked about after church, and then lunch at the local restaurant, but it must be awful important. How much freakin' "fellowship" must these people participate in? This is not all that irritates the average bear. Wipe that snide "I went to church and you didn't" look off of your face. What the hell! There are also the completely pissed off "I just went to church and the preacher said I was a sinner, and told me that I did not put enough money in the offering plate" diners. God help you if you are the server to this group. I am sure you may get the "I'm sorry I gave all my money to Jesus" excuse for not tipping. Wow, I guess that did stick in my craw over the years. These Sunday people need to understand that fellowship must be done on a front porch.

Morning breakfast camping can disrupt the flow of the life cycle in mankind. Breakfast is meant for eating, thus the name break-fast. Eat and get up, especially if it is Saturday. Everyone and their brother is eating breakfast on Saturday. Read the paper on the front porch; other people are starving from their own personal fast. No breakfast camping allowed moving forward. There is no excuse for this table hogging at a Cracker Barrel Restaurant as they have a flipping front porch. Read your paper there please.

No matter if you are an outdoor camper, or an indoor camper, the biggest thing that I think that you must focus on is not to be a showboat. If you just went to church and really enjoyed yourself, and feel full of the Spirit, there is really no need to rub it in to the rest of us that are not so fortunate. The same goes for outdoor camping. Just because you can afford Graceland, there is no need to drive that obnoxiously large mislabeled "camper" that is large enough to house the average American family. Live like an Indian.


gf

86 Texting While Driving

Texting while driving a motor vehicle is now officially illegal in the great state of Georgia. This is a good thing because being distracted while driving can kill you or someone else.

So that got me thinking. I know, but it is most likely why you are here in the first place.

What is next? What else will follow the texting law? Here are a few of my random thoughts on the subject.

Eating. Burritos, tacos and any Mexican food will have stiffer fines because they drip on your white shirts. This makes me swerve across the double yellow lines. Any eating is no different from texting as you are using one hand to eat and one hand to drive. Whoppers allegedly need two hands. No bueno.

Fighting. This is where, sooner or later, all married couples and families will run into trouble. Especially when the driver is lost. I can hear the State Patrol Officer now. "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? ..'uh no.' "I clocked you doing forty seven miles per hour while fighting in your vehicle with the passenger to your right . Violation 23-45b.

Crying. For the love of Peter, water is streaming out of your eyes! How is one to see? I see this as a major driving violation. There is no crying and driving allowed.

Laughing. This goes hand in hand with crying. Sometimes extreme laughter produces tears, muscle pains, and other contortions. Laughing is very dangerous; it also can be linked to farting. No laughing allowed.

Farting. All family sized cars and vans will be profiled by the police moving forward, as family farting is one of the most common violations. If you have large teen boys who just packed in some Varsity chili cheese burgers, and you are on a leisurely drive home, you are in dangerous territory. There will multiple violations to include laughing, fighting, crying. Be prepared to have your license revoked.

Bikinis. This is usually a bigger distraction among men, however if one spots the right bikini on the right person anyone is at risk. Go to church more often. Wear dark sunglasses. Remember it is usually OK to wear a bikini, but not to be distracted by one. Kind of like a "no touch policy" with your eyes. Scary. Now if you are wearing a bikini like unto a ZZ Top video you could be ticketed as well for being a distraction. I guess it really depends on how well you are sporting the bikini. It could be a badge of honor to get a ticket for wearing a distracting bikini.

Breast Implants. Yea, well you are on your own here. Pray that they are not wearing a bikini. I see this as an opportunity for female police officers to set up road traps.

Loud Music. Enforcing this will eliminate more than half of the drivers in the Atlanta area. This should include playing with a CD player or MP3 player. It is the same as texting pretty much. Fiddling around with a gadget is the same no matter the gadget.

Spinner Rims. Why do people get spinner rims? Yes, exactly, to distract you from the road and make you look at their rims spin. This can put you into a dazed trance, putting your life and others in danger. Spinner rims are more dangerous than texting while driving. Texting will not usually hypnotize you at a red light. Spinner rims are most definitely a violation.

Babys. I really do not need to explain this one, but I will. Baby seats have to be in the back. You are driving in the front with the milk, toys, and diapers. This math is easy. Driving with your left hand, holding the bottle with your right. God help you if you have a straight drive. Oh, yeah, then they just spit out their "binki" onto the floor board. Nice distraction. Violation.

Rain. Come to Atlanta and drive in the rain. Everyone gets a ticket. Period.

Reading. Now you can read the Atlanta Constitution from front to back in most any rush hour traffic, but it is a violation. Ticket that reader.

Slouching. If we can only see your knuckles on the steering wheel while you are driving you are a violation.

What are your favorite violations?

gf

Poison the Sequel

This is a good video on Poison. If you have a minute or sixty, sit back and listen to Mr. Professor man talk about what the heck is wrong with America and how we eat.

What we have here is a classic conspiracy by the leadership of our nation. This makes the Watergate and Monica Lewinsky scandals look like a joke.

Sit back and enjoy the ride. Let me know what you think.

gf