Friday, February 18, 2011

Stacking Dishes and LSD

  Servers always struggle with stacking dishes. It seems like this is a minuscule issue in the larger picture of life in our universe.  I will argue that it is a bigger issue, and it may in fact stretch the limits of time, space and light. Life itself hinges on the efficient process of washing dishes. Our civilization would simply fall apart without dishes being washed. Even the ancient tribes deep in the rain forests wash dish(es). With those thoughts in mind I go forth everyday, seeking to inspire efficient dish washing within the restaurant.

  Perplexed by this deficiency in the servers I often wonder what exactly the obstacles are. Is it really that hard to separate the dirty dishes and place them with like size dishes? I think not. Therefore, for the past twenty odd years I have analyzed this problem looking for the answers.

  I have thought for many years that a lack of education was the reason why some servers just could not grasp the concept of efficient dish stacking. The basic training for the dish stacking job should have been acquired early in life. I believe that in kindergarten or first grade the skills of stacking like items and similar smallish organizational challenges should have been conquered.

  There are educational tools that were created by mastermind toy makers that teach this simple process. The octagonal ball toy with stars, squares, circles, rectangles, triangles, and other shapes is one.
Also, the hammer toy with square nails, circle nails, big nails, small nails, etc. helped me through this learning curve. These days there are computer toys and video games which are much harder to deal with than different sizes of dishes.

  I now have a new idea why servers have trouble with stacking dishes. They are drugged. This may sound harsh at first, but I think you will enjoy my logic.

  A normal server is a happy-go-lucky type who is light on their feet. They can balance twenty dishes in one hand, and serve hot tea with a side of lemon and honey in the other. They can remember a ten top's order without writing a single line of text. They know an entire menu with all of the toppings with prices. They know by heart the ingredients of twenty cocktails, and know how to up-sell them to a more expensive brand of liquor. They show no signs of stress, and you can never make them sweat.

So the education theory was weak. It just did not stack up...sorry. I remembered some pictures I saw in a magazine on spiders and other bugs on drugs. Here is a picture from to evaluate which drug the servers may have ingested to make them ineffective dish stackers.
From these pictures I believe that we may be too harsh on the Marijuana cigarette smokers. Even the pill poppers may be O.K.. Benzedrine (amphetamine) influenced servers would stack most of the plates correctly. If the servers took the chloral hydrate they would just call out or be a no show because it is a sedative. However, I do believe I will prohibit servers from drinking coffee moving forward.

This video may shed some light on the whole business.

Thanks for reading,



Katelyn said...

"As for the marijuana spider, he had no web, he went to the crack spider and became his bitch."
"For more information contact your Canadian Wildlife Association."
'Church of Christ productions'

Oh Man. Where to I start.

Ashley said...

....that was so messed up so many different level. SMH, I am glad I don't work for you.

Gregory said...

The Church of Christ has it going on K8ters!

Gregory said...

Ashley I am an excellent boss, I am sure of it. STACK YOUR DISHES!!!!!AAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!