"You're an Idiot."

 Straight out of the gate this is a controversial subject. No one likes to be called an idiot, other than an idiot, or an idiot pretending to be an idiot for personal gain. There are public idiots, and then there are private family idiots. Pretty much every family I have known has an idiot, or a poor soul who has been called idiotic on occasion. My small amount of research has shown that most families have several idiot stories. Matter of fact, the number of idiot stories that I have collected from just my family and friends this month alone has been  staggering. I am sure that I have been called an idiot on occasion; and if you are honest with yourself, deep within your heart of hearts you have an idiot story also. Clear your soul, bring your idiot burden to accordingtogf and be free.

  There are people in public that do not realize that, even if but for a brief moment, they are idiots. They may be a product of our woolgathering society, poor schooling, or their battered brain simply cannot process anymore information due to the brainwashing and bewilderment caused by the internet and video games. Their brain may also be a pool of wasted gray matter from the excessive use of hobby drugs, booze, and or Willie Nelson cigarettes. They just do not have the ability to pay attention.

Server: Yes, and how would you like your steak cooked ma'am?
Guest:  Not Well Done, I like just a little bit of pink in my steak.
Server: How about Medium Well ma'am? Just a thin line of pink OK?   
Guest:  Is that between Medium and Well Done?
Server: Yes ma'am it is.
Guest: Medium Well then, with just a thin line of pink.
Server: (After steak has been delivered) How is your steak ma'am?
Guest: Terrible. It has a thin line of pink in it.
Server: Would you like that cooked up to Well Done ma'am?
Guest: No, I do not like my steak Well Done.
Server: Well done has no pink in it ma'am.
Guest: That is how I would like my steak No Pink.
Server: We will cook that up for you ma'am to No Pink.
...and "You're an idiot.

There are unemployed idiots:
You answered the third question on the last page of the application which is:
Can you perform the essential functions required by the job for which you are applying, without reasonable accommodations?     Yes or No
You circled NO, and "You're an idiot."

There are employed idiots:
"Sir, we can't allow that in the building. Even the police don't ride them in here."
My Friend Ben, who has lived with his disability for twenty years, rode his Segway to the library and got turned away. He stated that the "librarian lady probably did not make the rule, so I decided not to argue with her." 
People who make idiotic rules... "They are idiots,"


There are transportation idiots.
 There is plenty of documentation about idiots on motorcycles. Here are just a few examples:

There are plenty of tattooed idiots:

"I know mom, but I was drunk."

Jail tattoo?

There are no explanations.

He has that "What have I done?" look.

Seriously, you are an idiot.

Nothing is better than a real cool tattoo. Some of these folks have the M.J. syndrome no doubt; they just do not know when to stop. When in doubt with a tattoo, don't.


There are family idiots, and family idiot stories (which will make up an entire blog of it's own and possibly named "You are acting like an idiot."). There has to be a clear distinction between being an idiot and doing something idiotic. Next of kin can never be called an idiot by you and your family unless there is a quorum of seven family members; and three of them have to be cousins, aunts or uncles. With permission, here is an example of a family member, or three, acting idiotic:
A young son number two not being able to read, phones the working parent to ask which can is tuna and which can is cat food, in an effort not to make tuna salad incorrectly. The working parent tells the child to ask the sleeping parent to show him which one is the tuna, and then to make the sandwich. Working parent returns home and finds the empty cat food can in the trash, and the unopened tuna can on the counter. The working parent asks the child what he had for lunch, and he responds "tuna". The Working parent shouts "Oh God!" and then "It's OK, really!" Child cries out "Did I eat the wrong tuna?" "Dad lied to me!" "Am I going to die?!!" The child did not eat tuna for over five years after finding out his and the sleeping parent's error.
I am not sure if it is OK to call a child an idiot because they cannot read yet, or a parent because they worked the graveyard shift and  reads cross eyed when asked to do so when woken out of a deep sleep, but it was a nice segue into this video:

Jessica Simpson is the ultimate reality TV idiot. I am not sure whether she is faking it or not; that in and of itself makes her a Hall of Fame Idiot.

There are plenty of public and entertaining idiots:
Many entertainers have played the idiot, and have done it so very well that we only see them as idiots.

Old School Idiots

Jerry Lewis

Bill had a way with words; he spoke of idiots; I think, as did the following:

New School Idiots

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. William Shakespeare

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain
 

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin

I'm not afraid to look like an idiot. Anthony Bourdain 

I've had great success being a total idiot. Jerry Lewis       
 
And of course, there is a song by Radiohead that had the word Idiot in the title. I am not sure if it is relevant to this blog, but I liked the name, and the song sounds cool too. One of the lead singers really gets into the moment and for a second he looks like an idiot, but I think that may just be artsy stuff that I just have not figured out yet. Idiots plus discotheque equals "Idioteque"?? @brandonpk's suggestion actually.

Then there is the American Idiot. I think the world may think of me as an American Idiot, writing about American Idiots. The more I think about it the more they should think of me as an idiot scribing about idiots. Maybe if I wrote about something more substantial that will change the world somehow; yes, then I would not be an idiot. Whatever, I think that making people aware of idiots is just as important as any other world saving fodder. Watch out for idiots; they are everywhere, and they are taking over the world.

 

Thanks for reading.
gf

86 Texting While Driving

Texting while driving a motor vehicle is now officially illegal in the great state of Georgia. This is a good thing because being distracted while driving can kill you or someone else.

So that got me thinking. I know, but it is most likely why you are here in the first place.

What is next? What else will follow the texting law? Here are a few of my random thoughts on the subject.

Eating. Burritos, tacos and any Mexican food will have stiffer fines because they drip on your white shirts. This makes me swerve across the double yellow lines. Any eating is no different from texting as you are using one hand to eat and one hand to drive. Whoppers allegedly need two hands. No bueno.

Fighting. This is where, sooner or later, all married couples and families will run into trouble. Especially when the driver is lost. I can hear the State Patrol Officer now. "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? ..'uh no.' "I clocked you doing forty seven miles per hour while fighting in your vehicle with the passenger to your right . Violation 23-45b.

Crying. For the love of Peter, water is streaming out of your eyes! How is one to see? I see this as a major driving violation. There is no crying and driving allowed.

Laughing. This goes hand in hand with crying. Sometimes extreme laughter produces tears, muscle pains, and other contortions. Laughing is very dangerous; it also can be linked to farting. No laughing allowed.

Farting. All family sized cars and vans will be profiled by the police moving forward, as family farting is one of the most common violations. If you have large teen boys who just packed in some Varsity chili cheese burgers, and you are on a leisurely drive home, you are in dangerous territory. There will multiple violations to include laughing, fighting, crying. Be prepared to have your license revoked.

Bikinis. This is usually a bigger distraction among men, however if one spots the right bikini on the right person anyone is at risk. Go to church more often. Wear dark sunglasses. Remember it is usually OK to wear a bikini, but not to be distracted by one. Kind of like a "no touch policy" with your eyes. Scary. Now if you are wearing a bikini like unto a ZZ Top video you could be ticketed as well for being a distraction. I guess it really depends on how well you are sporting the bikini. It could be a badge of honor to get a ticket for wearing a distracting bikini.

Breast Implants. Yea, well you are on your own here. Pray that they are not wearing a bikini. I see this as an opportunity for female police officers to set up road traps.

Loud Music. Enforcing this will eliminate more than half of the drivers in the Atlanta area. This should include playing with a CD player or MP3 player. It is the same as texting pretty much. Fiddling around with a gadget is the same no matter the gadget.

Spinner Rims. Why do people get spinner rims? Yes, exactly, to distract you from the road and make you look at their rims spin. This can put you into a dazed trance, putting your life and others in danger. Spinner rims are more dangerous than texting while driving. Texting will not usually hypnotize you at a red light. Spinner rims are most definitely a violation.

Babys. I really do not need to explain this one, but I will. Baby seats have to be in the back. You are driving in the front with the milk, toys, and diapers. This math is easy. Driving with your left hand, holding the bottle with your right. God help you if you have a straight drive. Oh, yeah, then they just spit out their "binki" onto the floor board. Nice distraction. Violation.

Rain. Come to Atlanta and drive in the rain. Everyone gets a ticket. Period.

Reading. Now you can read the Atlanta Constitution from front to back in most any rush hour traffic, but it is a violation. Ticket that reader.

Slouching. If we can only see your knuckles on the steering wheel while you are driving you are a violation.

What are your favorite violations?

gf