Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Sweet Corn Sex Education

  I am a city-boy trapped in my city-boy ignorance. Therefore, I seek out information from farmers whenever possible, just in case all of the farmers get annihilated by the big meteor (... and we all know that is coming soon, even though some preachers are lousy at predicting exactly when). 

  After the meteor disaster occurs, city residents will ask me the farming questions... such as... How does one grow strawberries? How does one breed cows? How does one make cheese? How does one raise bees? How does one raise chickens? How does one make bread from scratch? How does one grow corn? What are the (specific) ingredients in "The Recipe" from Walton's Mountain? 

  I respect farmers and gardeners. Do not be deceived by the farmer-folk mannerisms. They know if hens make noise when laying eggs. They know about plants. They can raise goats and Guineas, and farmer kids know about sex way before the city kids do.

The following is a guest post by my farmer-friend Beth. Her family has been farming "forever". The following is how one "does" corn. 


  The story begins with an evening phone call from my Mother. “You wanna do corn in the morning?” (Why it seems like just days earlier, my Father was standing in my kitchen complaining about the rising price of the sweet corn seed. Now we are here already?) I answer "Why yes, we can do that.".

  My Father plants about four rows (50 feet long each) of sweet corn in the family vegetable garden every year. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it does not, sometimes the deer and the 'coon eat it all. Last year my Father was ill, and it did not rain, and the deer were hungry. That was not a good year, but usually there is enough (enough to pick, shuck, cut, blanch and freeze) to keep everyone happy throughout the winter. 

  When the corn has matured (to a point to when one pierces the kernel some milk squirts out) it is ready. My family is picky. Why do all this work if it is not perfect? So when it is perfect, we “DO” corn. 

  It starts early in the morning as the sun is rising. Daddy’s job is to pick, and it must be done while the corn is cool and damp from a bit of dew. He fills the back of his pickup truck with anywhere from 45-to 100 ears of corn (as I said depending on the rain and critters).

  Next Mom will arrive. She will have all the necessary equipment with her including her red chair. Yep, she brings her own chair. This red chair is one of those typical kitchen chairs, red vinyl, with the steps that pull out from under the seat - anyway she cannot cut corn without it. She will also have her strawberry short cake pan  (an over sized deep sided cake pan), two or maybe three very sharp knives, her cigarettes, and her tumbler filled with ice and coke.

  I will be waiting to get that first cup of coffee, checking to see if the skillets are clean, and looking to see that I bought enough zip lock bags. 

  When I look out and see the pickup parked in the shade, the shucking begins. This shucking and cutting process is all accomplished outside. When cutting corn the way that we do it splatters all over everything, and that mess is not wanted on the kitchen cabinets. Daddy will have started shucking, and mother will be positioned on her chair waiting for the first ear. “Get those kids out of bed, and get them down here to help”.

  I hope you can picture this scene as well as I ever so fondly recall. Three teenagers half asleep shucking, Mother and I cutting, swatting flies. Then my father (who is a man of very few words) will begin to speak to his grandchildren about corn. Now what some of you may or may not know is that each baby kernel on the cob has a single strand of silk running to it. In order for the baby to grow, the silk strand must have one drop of pollen from the top tassel fall and “pollinate” the silk. Thus, a baby kernel will produce (that is if it rains and the critters are scarce). There you have it, and that is when my father smiles his proud smile having given his children sex education in its purest form. After the corn is all shucked, the kids announce they are going back to bed (it is after all summer vacation). My mother and I finish up the cutting. Here, I will revel to you what is considered to be one of the family secrets to cutting corn. You must scrape the cob after the corn is cut and capture every bit of the juice. This is very important. Now you do not have to bite the ends of each raw cob before you toss it back into the truck (like mom does - I don’t). She cannot stand to have that last little baby kernel she missed with her knife go to waste. She is crazy like that. 

Beth's Corn Pudding
  Into the kitchen, we go. The corn is put into a skillet just a couple of cups at a time with some of the juice/milk and cooked over a medium heat for just a few minutes (just until it turns color). It is then scooped into zip lock bags (about two cups in each one) with all the air is squeezed out (ALL), and then put into the freezer. Mother will tell me the story about her grandmother "Granny ". She used to put the bags between her legs and squeeze out all the air. These bags of corn will sit in the freezer quietly, until the weather changes (around Thanksgiving). I always bring corn pudding at Thanksgiving and often at any family function. 

  Cook a bag of corn, 2 cups whole milk, 3 to 4 eggs (depending on size) and ½ a stick of melted butter (cooked like a custard) on 325 for about 35-40 minutes-and until golden brown. There is something about the smell of corn pudding cooking in my kitchen. It usually means I got up early and started the day preparing food for a special gathering for those I dearly love. When my children walk into the kitchen and smell that smell, it’s a blending of life’s moments. It is Papa‘s wise words of the birds and the bees, grandma and her red chair and mom cooking in the kitchen. It is the aroma of the family; it is the smell of love.


Thanks for reading,

and thanks to Beth for writing,

gf









Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Road to Jekyll Island

  Most people use the Interstate Highway System to reach their destination of choice. Sure, it is quick, and there are plenty of cookie-cutter gas stations along the way.  Gas Stations where one can get a Big Gulp with High Fructose Syrup to overload their liver until the next pee break. However, there is a better way to go. The old forgotten highways (or Parkways) of the not-so-recent-past are the best way to get to your destination according to gf.

  Driving from Atlanta to Jekyll Island gf chooses the "Golden Isles Parkway" (or Highway). There is some confusion about the name as there are two different signs posted along the way. Some signs state that the road is a Highway and others state that it is a Parkway. The shop owners on this route even get confused. There are businesses named after each version. I do not think anyone truly knows if it is a Parkway or a Highway. Parkways are scenic roads where one may park to admire the beauty of the surroundings, while highways are just elevated roads. Let us ask Webster.

Highway
: a public way; especially : a main direct road 
Parkway
: a broad landscaped thoroughfare 

I took some pictures along the way. You be the judge of whether this is a Highway or a Parkway.

A few miles past the Swine and Dine BBQ restaurant, I spotted what I call the "Cornbread Castle".


Cornbread Castle

 Several miles north west of McRae is an American Artist of sorts. I did no background work. I have no idea who is responsible for this cornbread art, but I did find it fascinating.

  The monster Weather Vane atop an odd shaped WW2 style hanger caught my attention initially. Only after stopping and taking some photos of it did I notice the other delicate art sculptures.

The Fisherman and Jonah's Giant Fish Weather Vane
Satellite Dish Shade

 The Random Zombie Camel stared into my eyes and made me dizzy.

Random Zombie Camel
Tungsten Sunflower
   Viewing this roadside art made me think that the road to Jekyll actually may be a Parkway instead of a mere Highway. There is not much else to look at on this alleged Parkway save some mobile homes, deserted factories, Pine trees, lumber mills, vacant produce stands, and a dozen or more "towns". If one drives this thoroughfare on a Friday night during football season, one may witness a Middle School football game. The local football stadiums are packed to the gills on a football Friday night in small-town America.

After smelling the sweet fragrance of the Tungsten Sunflowers, I plodded ahead toward the metropolis of McRae. Sometimes one can appreciate things better from afar. A bikini swimsuit is like that. Appreciating a hot pink bikini at the beach from afar is much more rewarding that getting the close-up (well, 87.4% of the time).

  One needs to view the Mini Statue of Liberty in McRae with a passing glance to appreciate it to the fullest. Do not stop and take pictures as I did.

Patriotic McRae (from afar)
What the... ??
Zombie Nation
Liberty Bell (crack and all!)
Proud to be an American
   I was emotionally charged from the visit to the Mini Statue of Liberty. Emotions such as fear, anxiety, confusion, anger, and sympathy ran through my mind. Who has done this, and why? Now I understand why the French gave us the Statue of Liberty. We suck at making statues.

 
   Jasper gave up its Crown Jewel this year. Check out this taxidermists dream ride. It was quite the traffic stopper.

Pimp My Ride
A 'coon skin cap on Crack

Are those Antelope horns?

Proud to live in the South

Is that Woody from Toy Story?

Nice Rattle Snakes

How much wood could a Wood Chuck Chug?

Ducks on a truck...


  I have no more words for this truck.

  "Scenic Parkway" can mean different things to different people. Obviously, in the great state of Georgia the definition of scenic is subjective.

  Hoping for some more traditional Parkway scenic views, I pressed forward to Jekyll Island.

Latham River

Looking toward Jekyll Island
Mudd

Banana Spider



Jekyll Creek
Jekyll Marina
Fisherman on the old bridge over Jekyll Creek
  I conclude that there is parkway like aspects of this Golden Isles Road. However, the majority of the pavement must be called a highway. Either way, it is still a better drive than the Interstate. Drive the road less traveled and find something intriguing.

Thanks for reading,
gf

Monday, July 11, 2011

Harold's Barbecue ~ Atlanta GA

  I love time travel movies. The Back To The Future series is a favorite of mine. When watching those movies, I wonder about the choices that we make which forever change the space-time-continuum. One poor decision and the "Bad Biff" takes over Hill Valley. Is it possible that time travel changed Harold's Barbecue that way?

  Maybe they have changed the same way that the 50's-style soda-fountain changed in the movie Blast From The Past. Rent the video or watch the movie to get the full effect.

  Harold's Barbecue has been in business in the same place since 1947. That fact in and of itself is a staggering feat (of glue and duct tape). I am not an engineer, so I do not know exactly how long concrete block structures last before they totally disintegrate. Sixty-odd years are a long time for a restaurant to occupy the same building. The space-time-continuum for Harold's Barbecue will be altered forever if it is thoroughly cleaned and remodeled. I personally do not think that the walls would remain vertical. It would be too much of a shock.

  Many famous people have dined on Harold's Barbecue over the years. Jimmy Carter, Jeff Foxworthy, Lewis Grizzard are a few names that may impress diners. The original owner Harold Hembree Sr. and his son did a superb job feeding Atlanta over the last sixty years. With the  Federal Penitentiary right down the street, plenty of officers, lawyers, and such have graced Harold's doors. The Hembree legacy of barbecue in South Atlanta is epic. Now, who will they impress over the next sixty years?   

Violation # 2-1C. No bare hand contact with ready-to-eat foods.
  I know that they did not impress the health inspector back in January 2011. The health inspection (which should be posted by the entrance) eluded my failing eyesight during my lunch visit. However, I did find my reading glasses at home and the health inspection results on line. January 15, 2011 they did not fair well. On a re-inspection, about ten days later they did significantly worse. The next day they passed with a 95. I do not want to bash Harold's Barbecue for a bad score. I just thought one may want to know. I noticed several violations, but I am anal like that. I worry about their guests health and Harold's Barbecue continuing to operate within the health department guidelines.

  
  Upon arrival, the first thing that I noticed was an ancient ginormous smoke stack. Slightly disappointed, by the lack of smoke emanating from it, I pressed forward past the barred windows and through an overly squeaky door labeled with a "cash only" sign.

 My wife studied my face for fear worry or shock from the moment we drove into the parking lot. She searched for the same look on my face that was on hers several weeks ago when we pulled into Heirloom Barbecue. She got no such satisfaction from me. I was in love with this building from the moment that I saw it. It looked like a mini penitentiary. A newspaper article on the wall by the table we selected stated that Jeff Foxworthy used Harold's Barbecue as a backdrop for his classic line "You might be a redneck if...".

Seeing the bars on windows and the cashier wearing a Superman T-shirt and "packing heat" made me think "You might be in a bad part of town if...".
  • You might be in a bad part of town if... you have to put bars over your air conditioners.
  • You might be in a bad part of town if... you are the only eatery around for miles.
  • You might be in a bad part of town if... there is a penitentiary a few blocks down the road.
  • You might be in a bad part of town if... the cashier is wearing a sidearm.
By the way, I have always wanted to use the term "packing heat".

   I did not see any neon blue lights or flaming trails of fire like Marty McFly  used to see when traveling through time. However, when I made the time-warp-leap through the front door, I did imagine them. I also imagined Beuford T. Justice walking in and asking for a Diablo Sandwich and a Dr. Pepper.


  Where was I? Ah yes, sitting at the table reviewing the menu (modified with price-change stickers).

Before making the trip to Harold's Barbecue, a friendly farmer instructed me to order an "inside cut" sliced-pork sandwich, a bowl of Brunswick Stew, and a side of Cracklin' Cornbread. The farmer stated "If you don't like that, you don't know what good is.".

Given this challenge, I ordered the above meal. My wife added a chili-dog, and I added a half rack of ribs to the order. While swatting a lone hungry fly, we received the crackin' cornbread. It was perfectly cooked and delicious. The Brunswick Stew arrived and tasted a lot like South Carolina Hash with a bit of corn and tomato added. It was better than most Brunswick stew that I have tried in Georgia.

  Then the highlight of the meal came to the table. It was the chili dog topped with diced onions. Although probably filled with indigestible poison, this chili dog rules the Deep South. One will not find its match anywhere in the South according to gf. The current owners have not lost the art of making the distinctive chili which topped this dog.

  The ribs engulfed the plate on which they sat. I am not sure what cut of ribs these were, I think they were short ribs untrimmed, but they came from a thin pig. They possessed a slight smokiness, but they were not slow cooked over smoke. I am sure of it. The sauce, which is a thin red vinegar solution, accompanies the ribs and the sliced barbecue sandwich.

  I am not a fan of diced (chopped) barbecue. Chopped barbecue may come in handy when all of my teeth fall out. Until then, I will pass on this delicacy of the toothless. The sliced barbecue sandwich looked disappointing. Stacked on sad looking semi-grilled-toasted white bread it begged for a face-lift. However, it rose to the occasion and proved to be a spectacular sandwich. The meat proved to be tender and flavorful. I hereby dub it the Ugly Duckling Sandwich.

  While eating, I finished the cleaning list that lingered in the back of my head. We finished lunch and chatted with Maggie our server (surprisingly photogenic) who gave us prompt service. Maggie informed us that she was the great grand daughter of the original owners.  I understood from the conversation that the myriad of workers milling about in the restaurant are also related to the original owners.

  Can Harold's Barbecue still cook fabulous barbecue? Absolutely, but... Harold's Barbecue is not for the faint of heart. If one does not venture too far from ones suburban cocoon, one should not bother trying to find Harold's Barbecue. However, if one likes an adventure and is not skeered of a fly, some dirt, bars on windows, pot bellied patrons, and cashiers with sidearms... then go for it.

  Order a chili dog, a sliced-pork sandwich, Brunswick Stew, and some cracklin' cornbread. "If you don't like that, you don't know what good is."

 Update: Harold's is toast. gf
Click here for details.



Thanks for reading,

gf


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I Gotta Go Roll Up My Windows

  I have not rambled aimlessly for some time now (being overly obsessed with barbecue hunting), but I will regress for your enjoyment.  A reader of many blogs and other noteworthy scribing I have found that there are extraordinarily smart people out there. I do not subscribe to being smart just to be smart. Smartness must have a purpose, a place, a higher goal. Therefore, I subscribe to be clever, if not clever, then at least not an idiot.

  Maybe my tombstone will read "Not the smartest cookie, but not just a crumb." I obsess with idiotic behavior, and my goal in life is to point it out. Plenty of idiotic behavior goes undocumented. We must document this behavior for the future of the species. Otherwise, the ants and the roaches will take over the world. No, the rats and the mice will NOT take over the world as they are too much like us. Duh... has one ever heard of Micky Mouse and Atom Ant? Atom Ant will kick Micky's butt any day of the week.

http://weirdthings.com/2009/10/the-labrador-sea-monster/
  Sometimes I genuinely feel awful that I do not have something intelligent, deep, and or even spiritual to share with my readers. I do not. I care not for the depths of the mental oceans where sea monsters swallow time and space. I fear those monsters who make us pull our brains out of our skulls and examine them with piercing stainless steel picks to drain out the inadequacy of our spirits. I choose rather to jet ski on top of this dread ocean full of mental monsters. I ride with a shotgun in hand as I may need to shoot any wayward tentacles that may arise in the mist.

  Speaking of mists, there are idiots in the steamy mists of summer, and they must be documented.

  It is summertime in the Deep South. Hotness rules the day, that is, until the afternoon thunderstorms roll in and dump liquid sunshine on unsuspecting drivers. I am curious why some individuals leave their car windows down in the summer. Is there a significant difference in temperature with the windows down versus up? Do they lock their doors in the wintertime? If so, why? Do they have radios that work in their cars or have they been ripped out already?

  What truly baffles me is (no matter what the driver is doing at the time) their action must be discontinued immediately due to the "surprise" thunder shower. It matters not what the activity is at hand.
  • Have you been waiting in line at the bank for fifteen minutes? Go roll up your windows - its raining.
  • Are you waiting on tables at work? Go roll up your windows - its pouring.
  • Is your shopping cart full at the grocery store (with ice cream deicing)? Forget it - your floorboard is two inches deep in water.
 Thunderstorm activity may not happen everywhere in the world, but it does happen here. If one lives in the Deep South, one will encounter thunderstorms with some regularity during the summer months.

  I can only conclude that the idiots who leave their windows down during these summer months are not from the South. They may be illegal. Maybe they have infiltrated to inbreed with the logical and intelligent in our society. Only then, when we are all dumbed down enough, they will strike and peel off their outer epidermis to reveal that they are prickly skinned aliens... right. Maybe they are Yankees. No, Yankees are smarter that that.

 It could be that the drivers that I speak of do not have air conditioning. This is the only logical answer. Maybe the two-degree difference in the temperature of their car with the windows down is significant enough to warrant such idiocy.

  What ever the reason, we must fight back. We must stop this behavior. We must save mankind.

Thanks for reading,
gf