Restaurant Quantum Time Warp Part 1

I have an inchoate comprehension on restaurant time which I would like to share with you today. Very similar to the discussion of dimensions, that took place at our dinner table at home not too long ago, I have found that there are specific things that can influence your time in a restaurant, no matter if you are a patron or an employee. Please visit www.tenthdimension.com to glean all the pertinent information on time travel and such.



OK that may have just given you a headache, but it is somewhat important for our discussion. Back to the Restaurant Quantum Time Warp.

  As a guest in a restaurant, cafe', or a pub, you have undoubtedly experienced these time warps, even though you may have been unaware of the"quantumness" of it all. (Use the Q words gf, it confuses them and makes them dizzy.) What causes these time warps? Glad you asked.

Here are a few things that make a Restaurant Time Warp warp longer that come to mind:
1. No one opening the door or greeting you when you first walk in.
2. No immediate greet at the table, the longer the greet, the longer the warp.
3. Drink service taking more than three minutes.
4. Appetizer or salad service taking more than six minutes.
5. Lack of service in general; refills, removing dishes, bread service, and a warm smile not present.
6. Server or kitchen error that drags the entree from arriving promptly.
7. Improper or slow check/change service.
8. Annoyances. (babies over babying, drinkers over drinking, managers over managing, farters over farting, etc.)
 


Think of your time in the restaurant as a circle; the left side of the circle being the beginning, and the right side of the circle being the end.



 


Positive activity within the circle bombards the molecules inside the circle, which in turn bombard each other, and like unto a tea kettle on the stove expels excess time which has adhered  to the molecules. This creates a vacuum in your time experience shrinking the space from the beginning and the end.

 

When this takes place you may speak comments like "Wow, where did the time go? We had a great time tonight! I cannot believe it is so late!..blah blah blah". You have come out of the positive Restaurant Quantum Time Warp with out really knowing the "quantumness" of it all.


However, the reverse is true as well. Negative activity, like our list above, makes the Restaurant Time Warp expand expeditiously. Negative experiences within your time circle adhere to your time molecules with a coldness, slowing them down, and adding layer upon layer until your time circle expands like bad spandex on an inenarrable over-eater at a bad buffet.

So there you have it, Part One of Restaurant Quantum Time Warp. Be sure to recognize this when it happens and share with the others. If you start to experience a negative Restaurant Quantum Time Warp either try to pull your waiter out of the warp (this can be tricky), or involve the other staff and mangers into the warp (this usually fixes any warp issues; that is unless there is an overall staff warp going on, which will be addressed in Restaurant Quantum Time Warps part 2)

**footnote
I really just wanted to use the word quantum to get your attention, as I have a very limited understanding of most anything starting with a "Q". I avoid "Q" words when at all possible, along with most "X" words and occasionally "W" words. Not over using them just makes my life move in a smoother manner. This shyness of these odd consonants most likely stems from getting punished by them when they landed on a Triple Word Score in Scrabble.

Thanks for reading.

gf

86 Texting While Driving

Texting while driving a motor vehicle is now officially illegal in the great state of Georgia. This is a good thing because being distracted while driving can kill you or someone else.

So that got me thinking. I know, but it is most likely why you are here in the first place.

What is next? What else will follow the texting law? Here are a few of my random thoughts on the subject.

Eating. Burritos, tacos and any Mexican food will have stiffer fines because they drip on your white shirts. This makes me swerve across the double yellow lines. Any eating is no different from texting as you are using one hand to eat and one hand to drive. Whoppers allegedly need two hands. No bueno.

Fighting. This is where, sooner or later, all married couples and families will run into trouble. Especially when the driver is lost. I can hear the State Patrol Officer now. "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? ..'uh no.' "I clocked you doing forty seven miles per hour while fighting in your vehicle with the passenger to your right . Violation 23-45b.

Crying. For the love of Peter, water is streaming out of your eyes! How is one to see? I see this as a major driving violation. There is no crying and driving allowed.

Laughing. This goes hand in hand with crying. Sometimes extreme laughter produces tears, muscle pains, and other contortions. Laughing is very dangerous; it also can be linked to farting. No laughing allowed.

Farting. All family sized cars and vans will be profiled by the police moving forward, as family farting is one of the most common violations. If you have large teen boys who just packed in some Varsity chili cheese burgers, and you are on a leisurely drive home, you are in dangerous territory. There will multiple violations to include laughing, fighting, crying. Be prepared to have your license revoked.

Bikinis. This is usually a bigger distraction among men, however if one spots the right bikini on the right person anyone is at risk. Go to church more often. Wear dark sunglasses. Remember it is usually OK to wear a bikini, but not to be distracted by one. Kind of like a "no touch policy" with your eyes. Scary. Now if you are wearing a bikini like unto a ZZ Top video you could be ticketed as well for being a distraction. I guess it really depends on how well you are sporting the bikini. It could be a badge of honor to get a ticket for wearing a distracting bikini.

Breast Implants. Yea, well you are on your own here. Pray that they are not wearing a bikini. I see this as an opportunity for female police officers to set up road traps.

Loud Music. Enforcing this will eliminate more than half of the drivers in the Atlanta area. This should include playing with a CD player or MP3 player. It is the same as texting pretty much. Fiddling around with a gadget is the same no matter the gadget.

Spinner Rims. Why do people get spinner rims? Yes, exactly, to distract you from the road and make you look at their rims spin. This can put you into a dazed trance, putting your life and others in danger. Spinner rims are more dangerous than texting while driving. Texting will not usually hypnotize you at a red light. Spinner rims are most definitely a violation.

Babys. I really do not need to explain this one, but I will. Baby seats have to be in the back. You are driving in the front with the milk, toys, and diapers. This math is easy. Driving with your left hand, holding the bottle with your right. God help you if you have a straight drive. Oh, yeah, then they just spit out their "binki" onto the floor board. Nice distraction. Violation.

Rain. Come to Atlanta and drive in the rain. Everyone gets a ticket. Period.

Reading. Now you can read the Atlanta Constitution from front to back in most any rush hour traffic, but it is a violation. Ticket that reader.

Slouching. If we can only see your knuckles on the steering wheel while you are driving you are a violation.

What are your favorite violations?

gf