The Mayan Calandar and the New Zodiac

  Well the news said that because of miscalculations in time, and/or the tilt of the earth, the Zodiac signs are no longer relevant. The months basically have not kept up with the stars. I think the stars are winning.  So the whole Zodiac deal has shifted.

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  Now, my gracious and lovely wife has told me for years how the Zodiac signs are "so right on" the money. Therefore, because of one's Zodiac sign, people simply cannot help themselves for whatever misbehavior they may happen to be into. I was comfortable being a Ram, but now I find that I may be a Bull. I had just grown attached to the Aries sign, but now that things have shifted, I am feeling a bit out of sorts. The Bull sounds dumber than a Ram, no disrespect to all the current Bulls, who may or may not be something else now. I have been told that I have all of the Ram traits, and now I am not sure if I am ready to take on all of the Bull responsibilities, other than I am full of Bull most of the time. (Rimshot)

  I am not sure why everything Zodiac is all out of wack, maybe the leap years had not been figured out three thousand years ago. Ancient fail. Above is the best chart for Zodiac calculations that I have found. Dates, stars, names, signs, and elements all in one. Perfect.

  So the issue is that, over time, all of the stars are no longer in the month that they were first seen in by the Ancients. This is an epic issue. Do you realize how many tattoos will have to be corrected? Millions. This is exactly the kind of thing that I feared when I have thought about getting a tattoo. My wife, who dove right in, and got a tattoo with every Zodiac sign of every member of our immediate family, is screwed. Now her five Zodiac signs will have to be done over like five old boyfriend's names. Her pretty little butterfly tattoo will look like a catchers mitt. This is all due to the fact that the ancient stargazers did not have a slide rule. Nice job.

   To make matters worse "they" have added another sign "Ophiuchus" as the thirteenth sign. Look, no one is going to want their new sign especially if it is the thirteenth one. The Zodiac Committee really did not do their homework on this one. Seriously. And the sign is a dude holding a snake. Sign of Satan is what it is. The Devil's sign. Evil Ophiuchus. Triskaidekaphobia - Fear of the number 13.

Manataka American Indian Council

  Because of all of that miscalculating, our current calendar's alignment with the Mayan calendar, which allegedly predicts the end of the world in 2012, is off as well. OK, in plain speak, our calendars and charts are junk. I cannot wait to see the new Farmer's Almanac, as they use the Zodiac signs and such to know when to plant vegetables. Our gardens are going to look like crap this year.

 Have you ever really looked at the Mayan calendar? This is one crazy looking timekeeping instrument. Little men stacked on top of one another. I am not so sure we really need to worry so much about ancient timekeeping. They did not just have "a" calendar either; they had like six or more. One for short time, one for long time, one for sacred time, one for plant time, etc..

One problem with this whole Zodiac / Mayan / End of the world / Tattoo Redo thinking is the translating from one calendar to another. Doing so without the creators of the Mayan calendar around to help with the translation is not good. Some say that the problem is the translation of the word "end". The Mayan allegedly referred to this 2012 date as a "transformation" or a "change" rather than an "end" date. We need to go from from the fourth sun to the fifth sun. Got that?

Here is the real 2012/Mayan/Zodiac deal:

 1. Quit worrying about what your sign or chart said is going to happen to you today. Just do what you know you should do. Please leave feelings out of this equation.

2. Do not go and change your tattoo today. I was however, thinking of getting crazy looking Mayan man tattooed on my left butt cheek.

3. Go ahead and figure out what you need to stop, start, or change in 2011 for preparation for 2012. I am looking forward to start selling "2012 Survival Kits". I am going to make a killing on you people.

Thanks for reading,

gf

Campers

I have been thinking of purchasing a camper. There are several levels of camping I have discovered. Generally, I am a city boy, but I am sure I can at least pose a s a good camper.

Outdoor Camping

There is tent camping which I have done; check. Then there is RV camping. Before you go RV camping you must have an RV. Now you must own a small bank to be able to purchase one, therefore smallish RV's appeal to me more than the XXXL type. At some point you are not camping anymore with RV's. There is a threshold that is broken as the size of the RV used increases. I am not quite sure where this threshold is, but I do know that using the XXXL RV to go camping should just be called "Mobile Homing". Camping requires some sacrifice that is rewarded with the connection with nature. A sixty foot RV with a pop out and an awning does not seem like camping to me. I may start with a tent. I have pretty much decided on a Tee Pee type tent. I think I will feel like a Native American in some small way, and therefore, be even closer to nature. Indians had the camping thing figured out. They actually had almost everything figured out except for the deception of the white man. Hats off to the Indians who did not play nice. Had they known how we were to foul things up after moving in, they would have killed more of  our ancestors. There are tents that fit onto the back of a truck or a SUV. These are for quick get-a-ways, and or so that you do not have to sleep on the ground, or for those of us who cannot quite decide to camp in a tent or an RV. They are on the fence. One would not want to get too close to nature; the effects may be detrimental. If you go camping in a half tent half truck contraption you may just be showing the world that you are truly a Milquetoast. Definitely not an Indian, I am sure of it.

Indoor Camping
I realize that this sounds like an oxymoron, but it does occur. Nothing is more annoying than indoor camping. I am not referring to kids sleeping under blankets propped up in the living room, or sleep overs with pillow fights. No, I refer to the camping that goes on inside restaurants or a small diners. Now, where some folks go wrong is the simple confusion between a bar or pub and a restaurant. I think that one of the things that promote this activity is TVs placed all over the restaurants these days. 86 TVs in all restaurants. This will stop most of the confusion; customers mindlessly watching TV during and after eating must be stopped. Drinkers, however, sitting at a bar or in a pub watching TV is completely different. We want these folks to continue to sit and drink; the longer the better. Drinkers watching TV is safer than them driving ~ A. Drinkers talking about the TV is better than them talking about what is pissing them off ~2. And C ~ Watching TV makes drinkers thirsty.


Face it, Sunday diners are the worst. I am not sure what must be talked about after church, and then lunch at the local restaurant, but it must be awful important. How much freakin' "fellowship" must these people participate in? This is not all that irritates the average bear. Wipe that snide "I went to church and you didn't" look off of your face. What the hell! There are also the completely pissed off "I just went to church and the preacher said I was a sinner, and told me that I did not put enough money in the offering plate" diners. God help you if you are the server to this group. I am sure you may get the "I'm sorry I gave all my money to Jesus" excuse for not tipping. Wow, I guess that did stick in my craw over the years. These Sunday people need to understand that fellowship must be done on a front porch.

Morning breakfast camping can disrupt the flow of the life cycle in mankind. Breakfast is meant for eating, thus the name break-fast. Eat and get up, especially if it is Saturday. Everyone and their brother is eating breakfast on Saturday. Read the paper on the front porch; other people are starving from their own personal fast. No breakfast camping allowed moving forward. There is no excuse for this table hogging at a Cracker Barrel Restaurant as they have a flipping front porch. Read your paper there please.

No matter if you are an outdoor camper, or an indoor camper, the biggest thing that I think that you must focus on is not to be a showboat. If you just went to church and really enjoyed yourself, and feel full of the Spirit, there is really no need to rub it in to the rest of us that are not so fortunate. The same goes for outdoor camping. Just because you can afford Graceland, there is no need to drive that obnoxiously large mislabeled "camper" that is large enough to house the average American family. Live like an Indian.


gf