Reunions

I finally made plans to attend a High School reunion. I am not sure why, but I recon than it was mostly due to harassment by other classmates. I look forward to it in some twisted and odd way. There will be plenty of odd moments, pauses in conversation, and amazement at what thirty years will do to a body. I hope that there will also be some old friendships made anew again.

What I dread will be "story time". I will flee from this activity unless I am the one telling the stories. I do like to tell a story. Embellishing the original story just enough not to call it an out right lie is the trick. Decorating the story with colorful side stories and clever comment is what I enjoy the most. This also distracts others from telling stories about you. Trapped in the "oh, I cannot believe do don't remember that" conversation is the ultimate deceit. It never happened, but you are so old, and or you were so messed up at the time, that there is no way to combat this tactic.

My plan is to play Snoopy's Joe Cool. You just can't mess with Joe Cool. One must be cool to play Joe Cool though. Nerds need not apply. Joe has it going on. He is confident, handsome, and well, just damn cool. I imagine that this reunion will mark us as mostly uncool; so we must fight back.

Here are the Cool Rules:

1. No high water pants or out dated clothing. This will make us uncool right out of the gate if we mess this rule up.

2. Use of catch phases older that five years are strictly prohibited. "Dude", "Far Out", "Radical", may put one in jeopardy.

3. Dancing. Stop it. Sit down and eat your doughnut.

4. Laughing too loud, or with some weird squeal or snorting action, is not allowed.

5. Too much hugging or kissing is prohibited. You are not my grandmother; stop it.

6. Living in the past is prohibited. Put the yearbook away. We made it through adolescence; there is no need to drag us back through it again.

7. Drinking too much. This is another activity that should have been exclusive to the time frame of youth. "I was young and stupid" is a good excuse; "Look at the old drunk" is not.

Seven a good Biblical number. That should do it for now. Wish us luck. We will need it.

gf

"I would like an extra sausage biscuit please".

This comment immediately started a clamor amongst the workers and volunteers at the local Senior Center. "She don't need that extra; that is bad for her heart." and "If she doesn't watch it she will get fat."and "Now every one will want extra." as well as other comments were sent flying across the room.  I volunteer occasionally, sometimes with a twisted arm, and other times not, because I really enjoy the buzz of a Senior Center. If you seek cheap entertainment, this is the place to be.

As I was listening, while drinking my third cup of coffee, my mind started whirring a bit.
What am I going to do when I am 87? Exacty. Whatever the hell I want to. If I make it to 87 I think I will have an extra biscuit please, among some other treats. I proposed this thinking to the group. There was a pause in the room for less than a minute, then everyone started in on what they would do if they made it to 87. This is when it got interesting. As the workers thought about the question their true personalities started to come out.

I started off with orange hair. Hey, if the lady out front can have orange hair why can't I? "I am going to play my banjo poorly (as usual), on the front porch, while chewing on my extra sausage biscuit, with orange hair."

Then came the obligatory " I am gonna get stoned." ; this started a Bevis and Butt Head twenty minutes that no one will ever get back. Once getting stoned was out of the way the real bright ideas started flowing.

"I'm going to start back smoking."
"I'm, going to eat pork." (maybe she was Jewish?)
"I'm going to fart all day long, in public."
"Not going to shave my arm pits, or legs; I am going to drink booze all day, and mess my pants." (winner winner, chicken dinner)
"I am going to let my dog run off."
"I am going to be bossy."

Thinking for my spouse, I suggested that she would eat bon bons, and read romance books all day. I looked back on when my grandfather (mother's side) Asa A. Gullet was still with us. He did not make it to 87, but he had a good plan. He solicited the idea of taking cold showers to anyone who would listen. He also ate dry wheat toast and drank pots of coffee while he rambled on in monotones about his life on the farm, or droned out the last couple of verses to his latest poem. Most of the family thought of this activity of his as being somewhat annoying, but I found a weird comfort in it. He was doing what made him happy and I applaud that.

My grandmother (father's side), was way too cautious in my opinion. She would have done well dying her hair orange and farting in public. She was always aware of perceptions, and politeness; that is unless if it had to do with another race. Maybe if she had done something that she really thought was out of the box she would have smiled more often. She was content with pickling peppers, and sewing hems, and eating beets.

If you are a Senior and you are not going to a Senior Center, you are missing out. A Senior Center is like a country club without the booze and golf. Some people just go to church and they make that their social gathering place. That is good I guess, but you really will miss a lot if you just stick with the church crowd. There are some hilarious people at a Senior Center.
 

If I make it to 87 I am going to.....
Wear a Speedo,
grow a pony tail,
get a tattoo,
dye my hair orange,
and annoy as many people as possible.

What are you going to do?


gf

Have a Coke and a Smile, and...Diabetes.

ScienceDaily (2007-08-23) -- Researchers have found new evidence that soft drinks sweetened with high-fructose corn syrup may contribute to the development of diabetes, particularly in children. Drinks containing the syrup had high levels of reactive compounds that have been shown by others to have the potential to trigger cell and tissue damage that could cause the diabetes, a growing epidemic.

Check it out.
gf

Campers

I have been thinking of purchasing a camper. There are several levels of camping I have discovered. Generally, I am a city boy, but I am sure I can at least pose a s a good camper.

Outdoor Camping

There is tent camping which I have done; check. Then there is RV camping. Before you go RV camping you must have an RV. Now you must own a small bank to be able to purchase one, therefore smallish RV's appeal to me more than the XXXL type. At some point you are not camping anymore with RV's. There is a threshold that is broken as the size of the RV used increases. I am not quite sure where this threshold is, but I do know that using the XXXL RV to go camping should just be called "Mobile Homing". Camping requires some sacrifice that is rewarded with the connection with nature. A sixty foot RV with a pop out and an awning does not seem like camping to me. I may start with a tent. I have pretty much decided on a Tee Pee type tent. I think I will feel like a Native American in some small way, and therefore, be even closer to nature. Indians had the camping thing figured out. They actually had almost everything figured out except for the deception of the white man. Hats off to the Indians who did not play nice. Had they known how we were to foul things up after moving in, they would have killed more of  our ancestors. There are tents that fit onto the back of a truck or a SUV. These are for quick get-a-ways, and or so that you do not have to sleep on the ground, or for those of us who cannot quite decide to camp in a tent or an RV. They are on the fence. One would not want to get too close to nature; the effects may be detrimental. If you go camping in a half tent half truck contraption you may just be showing the world that you are truly a Milquetoast. Definitely not an Indian, I am sure of it.

Indoor Camping
I realize that this sounds like an oxymoron, but it does occur. Nothing is more annoying than indoor camping. I am not referring to kids sleeping under blankets propped up in the living room, or sleep overs with pillow fights. No, I refer to the camping that goes on inside restaurants or a small diners. Now, where some folks go wrong is the simple confusion between a bar or pub and a restaurant. I think that one of the things that promote this activity is TVs placed all over the restaurants these days. 86 TVs in all restaurants. This will stop most of the confusion; customers mindlessly watching TV during and after eating must be stopped. Drinkers, however, sitting at a bar or in a pub watching TV is completely different. We want these folks to continue to sit and drink; the longer the better. Drinkers watching TV is safer than them driving ~ A. Drinkers talking about the TV is better than them talking about what is pissing them off ~2. And C ~ Watching TV makes drinkers thirsty.


Face it, Sunday diners are the worst. I am not sure what must be talked about after church, and then lunch at the local restaurant, but it must be awful important. How much freakin' "fellowship" must these people participate in? This is not all that irritates the average bear. Wipe that snide "I went to church and you didn't" look off of your face. What the hell! There are also the completely pissed off "I just went to church and the preacher said I was a sinner, and told me that I did not put enough money in the offering plate" diners. God help you if you are the server to this group. I am sure you may get the "I'm sorry I gave all my money to Jesus" excuse for not tipping. Wow, I guess that did stick in my craw over the years. These Sunday people need to understand that fellowship must be done on a front porch.

Morning breakfast camping can disrupt the flow of the life cycle in mankind. Breakfast is meant for eating, thus the name break-fast. Eat and get up, especially if it is Saturday. Everyone and their brother is eating breakfast on Saturday. Read the paper on the front porch; other people are starving from their own personal fast. No breakfast camping allowed moving forward. There is no excuse for this table hogging at a Cracker Barrel Restaurant as they have a flipping front porch. Read your paper there please.

No matter if you are an outdoor camper, or an indoor camper, the biggest thing that I think that you must focus on is not to be a showboat. If you just went to church and really enjoyed yourself, and feel full of the Spirit, there is really no need to rub it in to the rest of us that are not so fortunate. The same goes for outdoor camping. Just because you can afford Graceland, there is no need to drive that obnoxiously large mislabeled "camper" that is large enough to house the average American family. Live like an Indian.


gf