Saturday, August 28, 2010


I have been thinking of purchasing a camper. There are several levels of camping I have discovered. Generally, I am a city boy, but I am sure I can at least pose a s a good camper.

Outdoor Camping

There is tent camping which I have done; check. Then there is RV camping. Before you go RV camping you must have an RV. Now you must own a small bank to be able to purchase one, therefore smallish RV's appeal to me more than the XXXL type. At some point you are not camping anymore with RV's. There is a threshold that is broken as the size of the RV used increases. I am not quite sure where this threshold is, but I do know that using the XXXL RV to go camping should just be called "Mobile Homing". Camping requires some sacrifice that is rewarded with the connection with nature. A sixty foot RV with a pop out and an awning does not seem like camping to me. I may start with a tent. I have pretty much decided on a Tee Pee type tent. I think I will feel like a Native American in some small way, and therefore, be even closer to nature. Indians had the camping thing figured out. They actually had almost everything figured out except for the deception of the white man. Hats off to the Indians who did not play nice. Had they known how we were to foul things up after moving in, they would have killed more of  our ancestors. There are tents that fit onto the back of a truck or a SUV. These are for quick get-a-ways, and or so that you do not have to sleep on the ground, or for those of us who cannot quite decide to camp in a tent or an RV. They are on the fence. One would not want to get too close to nature; the effects may be detrimental. If you go camping in a half tent half truck contraption you may just be showing the world that you are truly a Milquetoast. Definitely not an Indian, I am sure of it.

Indoor Camping
I realize that this sounds like an oxymoron, but it does occur. Nothing is more annoying than indoor camping. I am not referring to kids sleeping under blankets propped up in the living room, or sleep overs with pillow fights. No, I refer to the camping that goes on inside restaurants or a small diners. Now, where some folks go wrong is the simple confusion between a bar or pub and a restaurant. I think that one of the things that promote this activity is TVs placed all over the restaurants these days. 86 TVs in all restaurants. This will stop most of the confusion; customers mindlessly watching TV during and after eating must be stopped. Drinkers, however, sitting at a bar or in a pub watching TV is completely different. We want these folks to continue to sit and drink; the longer the better. Drinkers watching TV is safer than them driving ~ A. Drinkers talking about the TV is better than them talking about what is pissing them off ~2. And C ~ Watching TV makes drinkers thirsty.

Face it, Sunday diners are the worst. I am not sure what must be talked about after church, and then lunch at the local restaurant, but it must be awful important. How much freakin' "fellowship" must these people participate in? This is not all that irritates the average bear. Wipe that snide "I went to church and you didn't" look off of your face. What the hell! There are also the completely pissed off "I just went to church and the preacher said I was a sinner, and told me that I did not put enough money in the offering plate" diners. God help you if you are the server to this group. I am sure you may get the "I'm sorry I gave all my money to Jesus" excuse for not tipping. Wow, I guess that did stick in my craw over the years. These Sunday people need to understand that fellowship must be done on a front porch.

Morning breakfast camping can disrupt the flow of the life cycle in mankind. Breakfast is meant for eating, thus the name break-fast. Eat and get up, especially if it is Saturday. Everyone and their brother is eating breakfast on Saturday. Read the paper on the front porch; other people are starving from their own personal fast. No breakfast camping allowed moving forward. There is no excuse for this table hogging at a Cracker Barrel Restaurant as they have a flipping front porch. Read your paper there please.

No matter if you are an outdoor camper, or an indoor camper, the biggest thing that I think that you must focus on is not to be a showboat. If you just went to church and really enjoyed yourself, and feel full of the Spirit, there is really no need to rub it in to the rest of us that are not so fortunate. The same goes for outdoor camping. Just because you can afford Graceland, there is no need to drive that obnoxiously large mislabeled "camper" that is large enough to house the average American family. Live like an Indian.


1 comment:

Katelyn said...

Tee-Pees were also sweat houses. They get really hot during the day and it was good for the Native American to sweat out all the bad spirits and such. So... hopefully when you camp in the Tee-Pee it is cool outside and then it will keep you nice and toasty. : ) As far as the other campers go, you should see the new Golden Corral here in Augusta on Sunday! They overflow into the parking lot of the old Golden Corral that they abandoned next to it. It is ridiculous!