Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Yellowstone National Park and Chocolate Bars

  My wife loves me. She brings me chocolate bars for a couple of reasons:

  • She wants to keep me plump as she likes a lot of booty on her man.
  • She wants to keep me plump in order to keep the competition at bay. 
  • She wants to see if I can control myself. Can I snack on the chocolate longer than I did the last time she provided the delectable treat?
  • With that being said, she wants to toment me. I do not know why.
  • She cannot resist a deal. I see those orange stickers.
  • She is covering up her own purchase of chocolate by deflection.
  • She wants to see if she has stronger will power than I.
  • She has an underlying motive that I may not be privvy to.
  • She wants the yard mowed.
  • She claims the only reason is that she loves me and she wants to make me happy. "Chocolate bars seem to make you happy gf." 

  I have also some reasons why I shove acquired chocolate bars into my face hole:

  • I love chocolate.
  • I want to show my wife that I appreciate her gifts.
  • I am fearful that I may not have enough time to finish my chocolate bar before the ahnillation of the North American Continent by Yellowstone National Park super volcano.

  It is going to blow soon. You know this. You feel it in your gut. I do not have to ramble on about statistics and such because you already know in your butt that it is going to blow. Kiss your ass goodbye.

  I eat my chocolate fast, and I do not hang my head in shame. I rationalize my actions by knowing that that was one more candy bar down before all mankind is blown away, and before mankind forgets how in the hell to make a candy bar. 

  I will be smiling knowing that I just may have been the last person to eat a candy bar completely before the destruction. I will survive because of chocolate. 

   Some folks tiptoe around the eating of chocolate, but not I. Chocolate is not evil... especially dark chocolate. Sugar is the evil poison. Remember that. (I won't even mention the super-evil-poison HFCS)

  So, is Yellowstone going to blow up? Yes, sure it is. But it it not as bad as the scientist claim that it is. Just think of Yellowstone as an adolescent with zits. Ok, so we had a giant zit explode and it left a bad scar on your face. Get over it. Yes, Yellowstone will have more zits, and more explosions, but the giant zit is done. Quit fretting about the pimples already. If a giant eruption does blow, the end will be quick. You may not even notice. Then again, you may writhe in excruciating pain.

So quit feeling bad about eating chocolate. Eat it already. Eat it quickly. Our species is about to be eliminated like the dinosaurs.

Thanks for reading,



Dawn F. Garlow said...

Yes, styles are very different. You, gf, are something else! And I guess you're right... Life really is a box of chocolates, perhaps a lot of variations of dark chocolate. :) Wouldn't that be the shiz?! You make me smile. PS. I know nothing of this Yellowstone volcano thing you speak of...

Gregory said...