86 Texting While Driving

Texting while driving a motor vehicle is now officially illegal in the great state of Georgia. This is a good thing because being distracted while driving can kill you or someone else.

So that got me thinking. I know, but it is most likely why you are here in the first place.

What is next? What else will follow the texting law? Here are a few of my random thoughts on the subject.

Eating. Burritos, tacos and any Mexican food will have stiffer fines because they drip on your white shirts. This makes me swerve across the double yellow lines. Any eating is no different from texting as you are using one hand to eat and one hand to drive. Whoppers allegedly need two hands. No bueno.

Fighting. This is where, sooner or later, all married couples and families will run into trouble. Especially when the driver is lost. I can hear the State Patrol Officer now. "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? ..'uh no.' "I clocked you doing forty seven miles per hour while fighting in your vehicle with the passenger to your right . Violation 23-45b.

Crying. For the love of Peter, water is streaming out of your eyes! How is one to see? I see this as a major driving violation. There is no crying and driving allowed.

Laughing. This goes hand in hand with crying. Sometimes extreme laughter produces tears, muscle pains, and other contortions. Laughing is very dangerous; it also can be linked to farting. No laughing allowed.

Farting. All family sized cars and vans will be profiled by the police moving forward, as family farting is one of the most common violations. If you have large teen boys who just packed in some Varsity chili cheese burgers, and you are on a leisurely drive home, you are in dangerous territory. There will multiple violations to include laughing, fighting, crying. Be prepared to have your license revoked.

Bikinis. This is usually a bigger distraction among men, however if one spots the right bikini on the right person anyone is at risk. Go to church more often. Wear dark sunglasses. Remember it is usually OK to wear a bikini, but not to be distracted by one. Kind of like a "no touch policy" with your eyes. Scary. Now if you are wearing a bikini like unto a ZZ Top video you could be ticketed as well for being a distraction. I guess it really depends on how well you are sporting the bikini. It could be a badge of honor to get a ticket for wearing a distracting bikini.

Breast Implants. Yea, well you are on your own here. Pray that they are not wearing a bikini. I see this as an opportunity for female police officers to set up road traps.

Loud Music. Enforcing this will eliminate more than half of the drivers in the Atlanta area. This should include playing with a CD player or MP3 player. It is the same as texting pretty much. Fiddling around with a gadget is the same no matter the gadget.

Spinner Rims. Why do people get spinner rims? Yes, exactly, to distract you from the road and make you look at their rims spin. This can put you into a dazed trance, putting your life and others in danger. Spinner rims are more dangerous than texting while driving. Texting will not usually hypnotize you at a red light. Spinner rims are most definitely a violation.

Babys. I really do not need to explain this one, but I will. Baby seats have to be in the back. You are driving in the front with the milk, toys, and diapers. This math is easy. Driving with your left hand, holding the bottle with your right. God help you if you have a straight drive. Oh, yeah, then they just spit out their "binki" onto the floor board. Nice distraction. Violation.

Rain. Come to Atlanta and drive in the rain. Everyone gets a ticket. Period.

Reading. Now you can read the Atlanta Constitution from front to back in most any rush hour traffic, but it is a violation. Ticket that reader.

Slouching. If we can only see your knuckles on the steering wheel while you are driving you are a violation.

What are your favorite violations?

gf

Poison the Sequel

This is a good video on Poison. If you have a minute or sixty, sit back and listen to Mr. Professor man talk about what the heck is wrong with America and how we eat.

What we have here is a classic conspiracy by the leadership of our nation. This makes the Watergate and Monica Lewinsky scandals look like a joke.

Sit back and enjoy the ride. Let me know what you think.

gf

The One Eyed Rat Dog

David Baker, a classmate from another time long passed, started a discussion about "rat dogs". David is very clever by asking the right question to stir up the raw emotions that he knows will rise to the surface when such a question is proposed. "What poundage does a dog cease to be a dog and becomes, instead, more of a rat with fur.(?)"

I am the proud owner of a rat dog. There were many opinions about the specifications of rat dogs, and most were relevant to ones own experiences. I will attempt to give an accurate account of my experience with our rat dog.

I arrived home one evening about four years ago. My wife had let me know in advance that I would be welcoming our newest addition. I was going to be the proud owner of a Shih tzu male, whom had been rescued from an abusive breeder. I was also painfully aware that this was a rebound dog for my wife, as she had just lost her Pomeranian to a sudden illness. She had warned me that his appearance would be somewhat startling.

As I entered our bedroom I was greeted by the demon. He stood up on his hind quarters, while sitting at the foot of our bed, and threw his head straight up into the air bellowing his best and most fierce barks. He had a giant white cone wrapped around his hideous head, which sported a nice eye patch. His black body was a patchwork of shaved spots and healing skin. He was not happy about my arrival. I was not allowed to proceed, therefore I left.

I returned to claim my room with a great strategy. I did have the knowledge of steaks working in my favor. It did not take long to quiet this disaster of an animal after he started watching me eat my steak dinner.I slowed his barking and made friends with "Ludo". Unfortunately one of the aftereffects of this strategy is that when I eat he thinks he has to eat. This can be especially annoying at breakfast as his cage is in plain view of me dining.

Ludo had been abused as a stud dog. I use the word "abused" in a more lighter tone these days; the longer I live with this dog the more I have begun to empathize with the abusive owner's mindset. This rat dog has been sent from heaven to test our family. I can wholeheartedly understand the anger that can well up into an individual living with this dog. I have not reached the pinnacle of wrath that the abusive owner achieved yet, but I have been dangerously close I think.

Ludo loves trash. This is most likely the sole reason that the previous owner kicked Ludo's eye out. Ludo would rather eat trash than steak. He absolutely is a trash hound. This is a another great reason that I can call him a rat dog. When he gets his monthly cage cleaning we find all kinds of wrappers and other evidence of his pillaging the refuse without being caught. He also loves to chew pennies and other metal objects with the remaining six teeth that he has managed to keep. If Ludo has lost his penny that he takes to bed he will search until it is found. Only then can he comfortably bed down for the night.

Overall this dog is a train wreck. he has to be shaved on a regular basis as he is "allergic to his hair". This was the diagnosis from our local veterinarian. Therefore Ludo gets shaved mostly on a regular basis. Since we are in poor economic times I perform this delicate operation on the back porch. When Ludo has hot spots or tangled hair I am forced to be creative and cut this rat dog's hair with a new style. Unpopular at first, these unique hair cuts are now becoming highly sought after by other canines that pass by our yard.

Overall, I really do not care for this dog. He does however, make for a good conversation on occasion.

gf,

Hey Sugar Sugar!!

Hey suga' I have been reading about sugar.
Click here to read about the benifits of honey and the evils of High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS).

Think about Barry B. Benson when you read this information.

As always, be very aware of any evil corn eating kittens.

Enjoy,
gf