Friday, July 30, 2010

The One Eyed Rat Dog

David Baker, a classmate from another time long passed, started a discussion about "rat dogs". David is very clever by asking the right question to stir up the raw emotions that he knows will rise to the surface when such a question is proposed. "What poundage does a dog cease to be a dog and becomes, instead, more of a rat with fur.(?)"

I am the proud owner of a rat dog. There were many opinions about the specifications of rat dogs, and most were relevant to ones own experiences. I will attempt to give an accurate account of my experience with our rat dog.

I arrived home one evening about four years ago. My wife had let me know in advance that I would be welcoming our newest addition. I was going to be the proud owner of a Shih tzu male, whom had been rescued from an abusive breeder. I was also painfully aware that this was a rebound dog for my wife, as she had just lost her Pomeranian to a sudden illness. She had warned me that his appearance would be somewhat startling.

As I entered our bedroom I was greeted by the demon. He stood up on his hind quarters, while sitting at the foot of our bed, and threw his head straight up into the air bellowing his best and most fierce barks. He had a giant white cone wrapped around his hideous head, which sported a nice eye patch. His black body was a patchwork of shaved spots and healing skin. He was not happy about my arrival. I was not allowed to proceed, therefore I left.

I returned to claim my room with a great strategy. I did have the knowledge of steaks working in my favor. It did not take long to quiet this disaster of an animal after he started watching me eat my steak dinner.I slowed his barking and made friends with "Ludo". Unfortunately one of the aftereffects of this strategy is that when I eat he thinks he has to eat. This can be especially annoying at breakfast as his cage is in plain view of me dining.

Ludo had been abused as a stud dog. I use the word "abused" in a more lighter tone these days; the longer I live with this dog the more I have begun to empathize with the abusive owner's mindset. This rat dog has been sent from heaven to test our family. I can wholeheartedly understand the anger that can well up into an individual living with this dog. I have not reached the pinnacle of wrath that the abusive owner achieved yet, but I have been dangerously close I think.

Ludo loves trash. This is most likely the sole reason that the previous owner kicked Ludo's eye out. Ludo would rather eat trash than steak. He absolutely is a trash hound. This is a another great reason that I can call him a rat dog. When he gets his monthly cage cleaning we find all kinds of wrappers and other evidence of his pillaging the refuse without being caught. He also loves to chew pennies and other metal objects with the remaining six teeth that he has managed to keep. If Ludo has lost his penny that he takes to bed he will search until it is found. Only then can he comfortably bed down for the night.

Overall this dog is a train wreck. he has to be shaved on a regular basis as he is "allergic to his hair". This was the diagnosis from our local veterinarian. Therefore Ludo gets shaved mostly on a regular basis. Since we are in poor economic times I perform this delicate operation on the back porch. When Ludo has hot spots or tangled hair I am forced to be creative and cut this rat dog's hair with a new style. Unpopular at first, these unique hair cuts are now becoming highly sought after by other canines that pass by our yard.

Overall, I really do not care for this dog. He does however, make for a good conversation on occasion.



Ashley said...

I still have a piss stain on my mattress from that asshole!

Gregory B. said...

Aww, he loves you! He wanted to mark you as his own! I had forgotten about that. I will scold him today for his actions (any good excuse to fuss at him).

Rone Dawg said...

Poor rat dog - It would have been better if he had never been born.

Gregory B. said...

I do not totally disagree. However, most of his issues are from his previous owner. Am I defending him? Unbelievable! gf