Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Restaurant Quantum Time Warp Part 1

I have an inchoate comprehension on restaurant time which I would like to share with you today. Very similar to the discussion of dimensions, that took place at our dinner table at home not too long ago, I have found that there are specific things that can influence your time in a restaurant, no matter if you are a patron or an employee. Please visit www.tenthdimension.com to glean all the pertinent information on time travel and such.

OK that may have just given you a headache, but it is somewhat important for our discussion. Back to the Restaurant Quantum Time Warp.

  As a guest in a restaurant, cafe', or a pub, you have undoubtedly experienced these time warps, even though you may have been unaware of the"quantumness" of it all. (Use the Q words gf, it confuses them and makes them dizzy.) What causes these time warps? Glad you asked.

Here are a few things that make a Restaurant Time Warp warp longer that come to mind:
1. No one opening the door or greeting you when you first walk in.
2. No immediate greet at the table, the longer the greet, the longer the warp.
3. Drink service taking more than three minutes.
4. Appetizer or salad service taking more than six minutes.
5. Lack of service in general; refills, removing dishes, bread service, and a warm smile not present.
6. Server or kitchen error that drags the entree from arriving promptly.
7. Improper or slow check/change service.
8. Annoyances. (babies over babying, drinkers over drinking, managers over managing, farters over farting, etc.)

Think of your time in the restaurant as a circle; the left side of the circle being the beginning, and the right side of the circle being the end.


Positive activity within the circle bombards the molecules inside the circle, which in turn bombard each other, and like unto a tea kettle on the stove expels excess time which has adhered  to the molecules. This creates a vacuum in your time experience shrinking the space from the beginning and the end.


When this takes place you may speak comments like "Wow, where did the time go? We had a great time tonight! I cannot believe it is so late!..blah blah blah". You have come out of the positive Restaurant Quantum Time Warp with out really knowing the "quantumness" of it all.

However, the reverse is true as well. Negative activity, like our list above, makes the Restaurant Time Warp expand expeditiously. Negative experiences within your time circle adhere to your time molecules with a coldness, slowing them down, and adding layer upon layer until your time circle expands like bad spandex on an inenarrable over-eater at a bad buffet.

So there you have it, Part One of Restaurant Quantum Time Warp. Be sure to recognize this when it happens and share with the others. If you start to experience a negative Restaurant Quantum Time Warp either try to pull your waiter out of the warp (this can be tricky), or involve the other staff and mangers into the warp (this usually fixes any warp issues; that is unless there is an overall staff warp going on, which will be addressed in Restaurant Quantum Time Warps part 2)

I really just wanted to use the word quantum to get your attention, as I have a very limited understanding of most anything starting with a "Q". I avoid "Q" words when at all possible, along with most "X" words and occasionally "W" words. Not over using them just makes my life move in a smoother manner. This shyness of these odd consonants most likely stems from getting punished by them when they landed on a Triple Word Score in Scrabble.

Thanks for reading.


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