Sunday, March 27, 2011

Top Twenty Call Out of Work Lines ~ Part 2

 The phones at According to GF corporate offices simply will not stop ringing. I had to hire on two more receptionists, and one bell boy. He is lazy, but I think he has potential to improve. I also had to lease out more space on the Google server, just to keep all of the latest information flowing into the office. All of the lovely and petite secretaries had to abandon their weekly manicures. It was just becoming a waste of time. They certainly were working their fingers to the bone.

Yeah, I know. "Shut up and give us the next twenty call out of work lines." Fine, here they are:

20. "My cat is stuck inside my mattress." 

19. "The cows got out of the barn, and now I have to get them back in." 

18. "I have diarrhea." (Unfortunately, this team member's nickname is "Coach". It was Superbowl Sunday, and the restaurant was running a "Buy one, get one free" special.)

17. "There is a warrant out for my arrest."

16. "I caught the kitchen on fire cooking Tuna Helper, after I passed out drunk." ~ Click here to see more of this idiot.

15. "My nipples are bleeding." (I just write this stuff, I do not make it up.)

14. "I forgot when I was supposed to work, so I slept in."

13. "I am still drunk." (21st birthday party)

12. "My father has to go back to Mexico. I want to say goodbye."

11. "I have an important soccer match."

10. "My wife needs to use the car today."

9.  "I cut my finger off mowing grass." (Yes, he stuck his hand inside the mower. Who hired this guy?)

8.  "I have cramps." (All time top ten)

7.  "I have a parent-teacher conference." (They did not have a child.)

6.  "My grandmother died." (For the third time.)

5.  "I cannot come in. My cat ate a bologna string, and it is hanging out of his ass. I am taking him to the Veterinarian."

4. "My child got expelled from school."

3.  "I cannot come in. I have a job interview."

2.  "I cannot come in. My roof fell in on my trailer"

1.  "I cannot find my car. It may have been stolen." (She got roaring drunk the night before, then hit a dumpster with her car as she started to drive home. She thought that she had hit a car, so she took a cab home. She could not remember anything from the night before. Her coworkers found her car in the Kroger parking lot, next to the dumpster, smashed to hell and back.)

I know you have more. Thanks for sharing these twenty call out excuses with us!

Thanks for reading,


1 comment:

Patrick said...

Oh NO. I used number one some months ago when I got too fucked up to find my car. I most certainly did not drive anywhere, much less into a dumpster.

Anyway, not fun to see your story as number one in a list all time stupid/bad excuses for missing work.