I have been reevaluating what I eat of late, and questions like "Bacon or Sausage?" randomly pop into my head. Inspired by a favorite youngster; I decided to follow her into the land of eating no sugar. This decision of course had to include three other substances. High fructose corn syrup, chemical sweeteners, and hydrogenated oils were part of the purge as well; because, as I had studied briefly, they were all poison.
These decisions made changes to my diet that I did not clearly envision at the time of the decision making. Sugar in America is king. I did not realize that everything had sugar in it. Bread was out of the question; doughnuts were a memory; cake was a bad dream. Then I continued with the label reading and found that, in America, if sugar is not in food it has been replaced with high fructose corn syrup. Most likely, if it is processed food, and it has neither sugar nor high fructose corn syrup in it, it has other nasty chemicals and hydrogenated oils.
This food enlightenment was actually easy to execute. I could eat meat and vegetables mainly. Fruit is good, but one must be careful. Not eating the average American bowel clogging foods, and eating too much fruit, will send you into a state of "over fruiting", which requires more time than necessarily desired on the pot. Initially the craving for bread and sweets was easily deterred through eating fat. Bacon and butter were my friends. I know that this sounds bad, but I figured that they were not on my poison list. Pork and fats are on another list. I realize they are not foods that should stay in my diet but I used them to curb my sugar/sweet dependence.
It has been over four weeks of no poison eating. I took a survey from employees, who all have an opinion, about eating pork (and usually everything else). Somehow, the conversation morphed into carbohydrates instead of pig consumption. Once I got past the whole "Carb" deal we were able to get some good feedback. Here is the unofficial accordingtogf survey.
- Pigs do not sweat. That is why they are salty and taste so good.
- Bacon is empty food, it is just fat.
- Sausage usually had sugars added to it.
- The Old Testament in the Bible forbade the eating of pork.
- Pigs are dirty and eat anything.
- Pork raises blood pressure etc and is bad for the heart.
- Every Doctor recommends that you stop eating pork if you have health issues.
I figure seven is enough. It is also a good Biblical number.
Eating like this is fairly boring. I have decided that it is neither bacon nor sausage moving forward. Red meat is next on the chopping block, but I am not sure if one can live on fish and chicken alone. Broccoli has been the annoying choice of vegetable too many times. What is the obsession with broccoli? It must be cheap to grow; we Americans like to eat cheap food and food that is void of nutrition. I often walk through the grocery store and look into a shopper's basket; then I compare the basket to the shopper's shape. Here is a quick accordingtogf breakdown:
- 80% Coke products, chips, and processed boxed foods 18% Processed Meat 2% Dairy = Morbidly Obese
- 50% Coke products, chips, and processes boxed foods 25% Processed Meat 23% Chicken/Meat 2%Dairy =Obese
- 40% Coke products, chips, and processes boxed foods 25% Processed Meat 23% Chicken/Meat 2%Dairy 10%Vegatables =Overweight
- 30% Coke products, chips, and processes boxed foods 25% Processed Meat 38% Chicken/Meat 2%Dairy 5%Vegatables= Husky
- 10% Coke products, chips, and processes boxed foods 5% Processed Meat 35% Chicken/Meat 5%Dairy 45%Vegatables= Normal
- 25% Chicken/Meat 5%Dairy 70%Vegatables= fit
- 5% Chicken/Meat 1%Dairy 90%Vegatables 3%Bottled Water 1% Toilet Paper = Weird/Thin
Eliminating the junk we eat starts with the junk that we buy!
Eating in this day in age for the more or less wealthy has become an activity instead of a necessity. Back when we had hair on our palms, we ate out of necessity. There was no luxury eating then, save when an elephant was snared. Even then, we could not keep that red meat too long before it rotted, or some Saber Tooth Tiger took it from us. Red meat was definitely a luxury and a rare meal. Chickens we could probably catch and breed. I have discussed this with my wife, but I don't think the neighbors would like chickens in the back yard. I am also unsure of my ability to raise chickens. There are many chicken questions that need to be answered before I attempt to be a chicken herder.
Fishing was the best option for dinner most likely. Being clever with a bow and arrow definitely helped in the dinner menu. Any berries, nuts, fruits found when scavenging about would have been eaten. Boxes of pre-made macaroni and cheese, and Lay's potato chips, however, were hard to come by. Eating has become an obsession for modern man. When the big asteroid hits, this will all change. I just hope we remember how to make beer and Bourbon. Bourbon has no Carbohydrates fyi.
I am going to continue not eating poison, and now I will not eat pork (so much). I have lost one belt loop and seventeen pounds in about a month. I have been exercising fairly regular except for this morning, as I decided to finish this blog. I feel fine and I do not crave sugar or bread anymore. I ate a strawberry yesterday and almost got a sugar high. I suppose I will update this story occasionally, but I do not think that the accordingtogf board of directors would approve of turning this into a weight loss blog.
gf
This is a big subject I know. I am sure there are volumes written about Waffle House. I just cannot help myself sometimes.
I have eaten at some horrible Waffle houses and I have eaten in some great ones; that is, if there are great ones. I think that greatness as it relates to WH is relative to how hungry you are. Face it, when you are real hungry WH rocks.
WH is relatively consistent with their food. It would be easy to say that it is hard to mess up eggs and bacon, but there are plenty who cannot seem to pull that off. WH food reviews are very similar to McDonald's food reviews…exactly…what reviews! This blog is not about WH food, it is about the WH people; and that includes you, if you have ever eaten there. Yes, we will talk about the food, eventually.
The staff can make a huge difference at the WH. I used to eat at a WH in Augusta Georgia near my work with a regularity. They had a great staff, specifically the two lead servers who worked the day shift. Other servers would rotate shifts, but those two had solid regular shifts that one could depend on. The amazing part of their service was that they could carry on a continual conversation, which was about whatever was going on in their lives. They would be able to do so, while not only incorporating you into said conversation, but in addition to remembering your order, filling up coffee, shouting out orders, and saying "Hey Y'all" to whomever walked through the door. If you were looking for a deep conversation you may need to go elsewhere as these were mostly puerile jabbering.
High Energy Beehive Hair Service
The two ladies I spoke of above are in this group. They do not care what you think of them so much. They know their job well, and they are focused in a clever way to remove an extra dollar from your pockets. They are the Mayors of their own world. Knowing people by name, face, or food order is what they are good at. Multi-tasking, jabbering, joking, coffee pouring machines is what they are. You will know them when you walk in the store. Sit back and enjoy the ride, it will be a good breakfast and you will leave with a smile on your face.
"Tattoos 'R' Us
I am not sure what it is with WH and Tattoos. I think that it must be a requirement listed on the application sometimes. It is absurd how many tattoos one WH can house. I am not against tattoos in any way, but I just think some people get carried away; maybe they need another hobby like geocaching. A grill cook with a few tattoos actually makes me feel safe in a strange way. However, those WH servers and workers with tattoos all over their neck, fingers, eyebrows, and ears are really distracting me from choosing between scrambled or fried eggs, smothered or topped hash browns. Do excessive tattoos generate more tipped income? Not sure about that; maybe it is a peacock syndrome of sorts. Sporting tattoos attract the opposite sex so that the mating is more clearly defined. Whoever has the best tattoos gets the better mate; sounds about right to me.
Shufflers
You have been there maybe, starving at WH and watching a shuffler shuffle. "Take your sweet ass time" you think as you watch them shuffle about, halfway paying attention to everything around them. Not in a hurry for anything or anybody these employees cause people to lose their minds. My father would not tolerate shufflers. He would be clearing his throat, and if that did not work he would toss in an "excuse me"! As a child this is when I wanted to die, crawl under the table, or run out the door. Mortified, I would have to watch this battle of grunts, huffs, and half comments, as he waged war with the shuffler. If the shuffler was too awful slow we would have to abruptly leave; this would result in another forty five minute search for food. The real good shufflers have the frowsy hair and uniform to match. Their speech is slow and drawn out like they just took four tablespoons of cold sorghum syrup and then tried to recite the Gettysburg Address. Everything about them is slow.
The American Idol
It never fails; every time I go into a WH on a Sunday morning an American Idol is there to greet me. In my local WH some DreadHead Jason Castro look alike is belting out a jukebox hit; similar to Eddie Murphy shouting out Roxanne in a jail cell. Are they entertaining me? I just woke up! I have not had coffee yet. Shut the hell up please. American idol is coming to a city near you. Go audition please, and let me eat in peace. I don't mind the cooks humming or whistling while they work. But for the love of everything that is pure and clean; you are not on stage. If it is not a full blown production I really have no issues. No, the American idols type catches you looking, and that is all that is needed for them to go into Eddie Murphy mode. Do not look at them or acknowledge the singing at all costs or you will be in American Idol hell.
Grumpy Pants
This is the worst. I do not think that anyone really wants to hear anyone else's problems when they go to the WH. Some conversation about how is your day, or the weather is just dandy. I can even go for sports or local news. Heck, I can even go for the Beehive Lady's random conversations about which hair curlers work the best. But when you get a Grumpy telling you how horrible their life is, and how broke they are….. No. Stop it. Shush. Bzzssspt. Zip. Zipit. We did not come to WH to hear your sad story. This is not the Human Affairs department. I came here for breakfast.
Muggles
I think that WH has been misnamed. I hereby call it "Muggle House" Face it, everyone in a WH is a Muggle, including you when you go. Non-Muggles do not go to WH. They have magic powers (money) that make it so they do not have to go to WH. When you go to WH next time you will think of this and you will agree. You will look around and recognize that everyone there is a Muggle. I embrace being a Muggle. I roll around in the glory of it. I care not to have the magic powers most of the time. Now some magic is necessary for survival, but excessive amounts of magic can make your life complicated. Some folks acquire mass quantities of magic, just to lose it quickly, drifting right back into Muggleness snuggly. This place called Waffle House is for us Muggles. We will not write food reviews for WH, because that would just be silly. If you are not a Muggle, and you would like to dine in this wonderful establishment, I would recommend that you dress down, sit back, and enjoy the ride.
Now, about the food, get the special. You do not want to order salad at a WH. Do not try to be too fancy or specific with your order, i.e. pick off what you do not want. Order the waffle slightly crunchy. The onions will make you burp them all day. Do not attempt to order a steak anything but well done.
gf
It has been over four weeks of no poison eating. I took a survey from employees, who all have an opinion, about eating pork (and usually everything else). Somehow, the conversation morphed into carbohydrates instead of pig consumption. Once I got past the whole "Carb" deal we were able to get some good feedback. Here is the unofficial accordingtogf survey.
